To expect those of you who flamed me (and those who didn't) to help me...

[MarniesMummy]

OK, in short, I am bricking DD3's potty training after the horrible experience that was training DD1 (which isn't yet complete as she still has wet knickers after 4 years!!!)

I was hoping to leave it to the good pre-school folk (which was the point at which some of you flamed me) but it turns out she has to be dry to begin pre-school (in January). Many have said Christmas is a bad time to do it so today we are going for it.

I have potty on a mat with tissues and every time she wees/poos as well as cheering from me she gets a treat. We began with a square of chocolate and this has meant she's been doing a (micro) wee/poo every 5 mins so I've been giving her fruit treats, though I figure these 5 minute wee/poos won't last forever so I'm still rewarding each one.

We had a chat and picked out knickers and we're in front of the TV so she's in her element.

Anyone got anything to add? Anything I'm doing wrong? If you're going to comment please give me plenty of reasoning as to why I should/shouldn't be doing something as I have no confidence in my potty training abilities despite this being DC number 3.

Thanks in advance, sorry for saying in short, when clearly this is nothing of the sort!

Also, I have to pick up from school this afternoon. What then? How do I do it?

Just to add more conflicting advice to the mix. I found it worked well to use pull ups when going out and a bare bum at fist in the house progressing to being clothed. I started off putting knickers on DD all the time like people say you should but going out just became v.stressful and she was weeing everywhere! I treated the pull ups like knickers and encouraged her to ask for the loo and when it got to the stage that they were dry each time (after about a week) I moved to knickers all the time.
I gave a raisin as a treat for each time the potty/toilet was used successfully. I told DD she had to do a big wee or a poo to get a treat so that put a stop to just doing a few drips for the treat. I tried using stickers but DD just wasn't bothered about them and having accidents.
My advice would be to do what seems to be working for your child and even if it seems like you are going backwards at times they will get there when they're ready.
It took about 2 weeks for DD to be fully trained in the day and she was dry at night a couple of weeks after.
Good luck!

gracie123 is there any chance you could arrange a space of time he runs around with no pants (good excuse to turn up the heating), and then ask him to wee on the loo whenever he needs to go? Then introduce pants again once he has just used the loo for longer and longer times...

PE, we were in Egypt in the depths of winter, no CH, just a plug in... damp cold, really gets into your bones. we went pants off for the first day and introduced pants the next day, and tracksuit bottoms/shorts as easy to pull down. I kept a bucket of soapy water ready to chuck in the pants as they got wet.

I was always told that Pullups are not to be used for potty training as they take the wet away from the body and the child doesn't learn the difference between wet and dry.. or something.

Pull ups/nappies at night of course until they are ready to go all night without.

DS told me one evening that he wanted to sleep in pants, I was scared, but went along with it so as not to over rule his independance. He's had a couple of accidents, in over a year, and only when he was unwell.

Let them lead the way.

PE - heat is not a problem (we don't pay bills in our rental house ) but I have a very modest boy! He won't allow me to be in the room when he uses the toilet, and doesn't like me to be in the bathroom with him bathing (hence I usually only let him shower). He would never be willing to go a day without something on his lower body. Unforunately I think he gets this from me (very body conscious) but is fine with his daddy.
Maybe we'll just wait until Christmas holidays (DH is a teacher) and see if he'd be willing to spend a couple of days with him getting it sorted.
Thanks for the advice (sorry for the hijack OP!)

I think some children are genetically slower at potty training than others. It has nothing to do with parental ability I think and every thing to do with neurological readiness. My three were appallingly slow- still wetting regularly in the daytime until 6 or 7 yo. Still in pull-ups at night until 6, 8 and 10 years old. Interestingly they all stopped at the same time in the year we went to Canada. Looking back I don't think there's anything we did wrong except to expect our son to be ready much before 4 (started potty training at a bit over 2 as was high summer). One daughter potty trained herself at 15 months due to chicken pox and terrible spots under her nappy. Was reliable for approx 18 months (cue much smuggery from me re my wonderful child) and promptly regressed soon after 3. Never dry again until the end of year 2. Got through about 5 pairs of pants a day. All sorts of investigations, kidney scans, acupuncture, etc, etc... Nothing worked. The only thing that worked was moving to Canada and extra age.

Good luck, I feel for you. I have all this to do again. It is soul-destroying, especially when people around you beatifically announce how their little Araminta was dry in literally three days, because they started potty training when she was ready. Mine would have been potty training in year 1 or 2 if I'd waited till they were ready. Incontinent little brats. Quaking about having to do it all again.

I know what you mean. My cousin had her son potty trained at 10months with no accidents and he's now 3yo and my sisters two are similar age and both trained.
Everyone keeps telling me how 'ready' he is, but he melts down at the suggestion of pants, so I'm just not convinced. He doesn't go to nursery/daycare anymore, so I'm wandering whether I should just leave it a bit longer or bite the bullet and go for it again. Thing is I have a new born too, and she is a fussy feeder. I don't want to have to keep taking her off the breast for his five minute wees...

Forgot to add that we're big fans of small chocolate buttons - DD1 didn't care about star charts when potty training commenced but did (& still does) care about access to chocolate any time of the day or night! We had one button for a wee & three for a poo. 2 years later we still have an Ikea bowl of buttons on our loo cistern - available for all successful wees & poos (grown up & child). She doesn't always take one now but they're there.

We'ver also kept the potty as she's small in size & still needs the step - so it's there if she's in a hurry. Also small friend visitors often use it. This inbuild seat is also comfy, tidy & useful

Marniesmummy you are doing great - its not easy and they are all diffferent. If it makes you feel better I got the wrath of Mummies at mother/baby group as DS trained from 2nd birthday (his choice). Apparently that made me pushy .

Gracie123 - could you maybe involve DS in helping change your newborn, talk about babies weeing/pooing in nappies, leading to discussing big boys and pants, and accidents and how they don't matter? Sort of play the big boy/brother card?

Thank you!
She's in bed now, in a nappy!!
She had 2 accidents, but one doesn't count as she fell asleep and did a wee on the school run.

I'm so pleased for and with her!! Little angel. She even said 'no, nappy mummy, no' at bed time so I had to explain why.

She loved ringing her Grandma to tell her that she was in big girl pants. Thankfully Grandma gushed as if I'd paid her!
Granny's turn tomorrow.

I swear I love DD3 even more than this morning!

I stuck my two on the toilet but with a seat thingy's that sits under the normal seat IYKWIM. They got a dolly mixture every time they went. I never had a problem at all. I couldn't be arsed with the potty, I thought it was most unnatural peeing in the living room and I personally led by example. I mean do kids see adults sitting on a potty lol?

Oh, I remember the pre-school pressure to potty-train! My eldest did it fine, but my youngest was a different kettle of fish and tbh I wouldn't have continued it for him just at that time if it hadn't been for the (local authority) nursery's "rules".

I do not think it is at all child-centred - not being reliably dry is well within the range of "normal" and yet our nursery insisted he had to be out of nappies. Resulting in much stress for us (DS, DH and me) and many wet pant incidents at nursery. Yuk.

However MarniesMummy it sounds as if you are doing all the right things and your DD is clearly catching on quickly. All the best.

Limara - My dd did see me on the potty cos I sat on it and did a bit of wee as a demonstration

thequimreaper- well done you! at least it wasn't a number 2

that rhymed.

can't help much other than my experience that Dcs 1 and 2, both girls, were pretty easy but DC3 (a boy) was a nightmare and screamed blue murder at the sight of a potty or a toilet.We were out once an an open day at a new Vets surgery - lots of cute pets, fun activities...he was in pants and needed a wee. Tried to get him on the loo but he screamed so much someone knocked on the door to ask what was going on!! We left, mortified, made it to the carpark then he couldn't hold it anymore...ran down his leg, filled up his ankle-high boot and then overflowed the boot and onto the ground, while he sobbed all the while. he was back in nappies that night and just left him until he was ready,muchlater than the girls

I used pull-ups for dd1 when we went out, and when she started playgroup. We called them Just In Case pants and I put them on over a pair of pants, so if she did have an accident she'd still feel wet, but not make her trousers wet - she was very shy around strangers when she started playgroup and I was worried she wouldn't ask to use the loo if she needed to go, and would be really upset if she wet herself. She never did wee in the pants-under-pull-ups combo, but I think that extra bit of security did help her confidence.

Thequimreaper

So, if you're wondering why I'm so late to the computer today, well, this morning I remembered that my two eldest had a class assembly!
I nearly had a fit, but then thought, calm down, you can do this, yesterday was ok.
So, I sat dd3 down and explained the toilet seat thing for children and then packed it up in a bag with about a million changes of pants.

She was great, she went to the loo before we left the house and before we left school and sat beautifully (well, as beautifully as she is able, which in truth many would claim isn't beautiful at all!) through the assembly.

When we got home (back to potty in front of TV set up) she was watching TV and started weeing on the carpet. She stopped and said, I need the loo then took down her pants and restarted her wee on the potty.

I hope I'm not speaking too soon, but I think this is going to be ok because 1) I think she's one of those children that was always going to get it 2) Being 3 means she can understand what I'm talking about, so wasn't thrown when she was told the potty was out and a childrens loo seat was suddenly in 3) She stopped mid wee when she realised she was doing it on the carpet and moved to the potty.

Thank you God for giving me an easy one this time!

Morning all you lovely ladies!

Well done your DD2