about Christmas and first baby

[MerryBlessings]

Our first baby is due on Christmas Eve.

We have 25ish people to buy c presents for.

I am finally just about ready for the baby's arrival but have now completely lost all energy to sort out christmas presents. Because we have spent so much on baby gear and making our house reasonably baby accommodating (had to buy a lot of furniture in order to gain storage space in our 1 bed flat) I was planning on hand-making lots but have now lost all energy.

Anyway, aibu to think it's strange that not one member of our families or friends have said "please don't worry about us this christmas, we understand that you have other things to sort out."

The husband and I are disagreeing and I'd love to know general consensus. I think if it was the other way around I'd be keen someone wasn't worrying about us.

Thanks ladies,

MBx

From these threads it appears to me that Christmas is a big "job" that needs to get "done" and in order to get out of it you have to have a valid excuse, pregnancy not being one of them.

I'm glad I've never experienced this side of Christmas because to me it's not a job, not an obligation and I don't and won't buy a rake of thoughtless Thorton's chocolates because I feel my family isn't mature enough to understand my situation and doesn't love me enough to give me a genuine present of time and relaxation by not expecting gifts. I know for sure that if I buy nothing for my family they will think absolutely nothing of it, because a random box of Thorton's chocolates isn't necessary for them to know that I care about them.

I am due 6 dec and am just about ready for that. We have just moved house 3 weeks ago and I don't finish work until today. My plan for Xmas shopping this year involves a significant relationship with amazon if it can't be ordered and delivered from there you won't get anything
Well pretty much anyway!

I'm with woolly too. YABU. If you don't want to buy presents then the onus is on you to say something, as your family probably won't have even thought about it, what with Xmas being another month away still. I have a 5 4 week old and a DS whose birthday is next week and I've had to organize the party and presents way in advance. DH's birthday fell when the baby was 10 days old, and again I'd bought presents beforehand, even wrapped them all. You have plenty of time yet and may get a burst of energy. But this seems to be more about people "not thinking about you" - have you considered that the people who already have children may have more on their plate than you? Have you ever said to them "don't worry about doing X this year?"

I like thorntons chocolates though

Hmm, I obviously don't have 5 4 week olds, or a 54 week old. Just one 4 week old.

Christmas does sometimes feel like a big job though when you take into account all the school stuff, costumes, parties, christmas fayres etc to get done before you even start on your own preparations.

I personally enjoy buying presents and spend a long time thinking of nice gifts but I do most of it online as have 3 fairly small dc's and could not trek the shops with the smallest two for long.

But I would be a bit if I'd taken the time to choose presents for someone and then they said at what is quite a late time 'oh lets not bother this year' especially as a lot of us have obviously done the whole christmas thing whilst pregnant etc etc

I too think yabu

Loads of people will buy stuff for your new baby - it's what people do and there is an expectation that you will buy christmas presents for family. And why not? It's a nice thing. This time last year I had hyperemesis so couldn't have gone shopping even if I wanted to but I had two other dcs who would hardly see mummy's pregnancy as a good reason why Santa didn't come. Online shopping is the easiest way and I got everything I needed from the comfort of my own bed. DH helped with the wrapping.

Money wise, fair enough it's not great having to deal with Christmas and a new baby at the same time but that's life. And it isn't as if the fact that it's Christmas in December is much of a surprise, is it?

I am a bit at people saying pregnancy isn't an "excuse" for not doing things. This attitude really really annoys me. Anyone who's been pregnant knows how hard it can be and I don't think it's too much to ask for someone to be cut a little slack.

If someone came on here and says "DH thinks pregnancy is not an excuse for me not to buy all the Christmas presents" there would be uproar! Everyone would be saying, oh poor you, you're due soon, get him to do it the lazy fuck, he'll never know what it's like, enjoy this time off etc. Why are women so hard on each other, when we know how tough it can be? Do you have to be crawling on the floor, absolutely exhausted before you have an "excuse"?? No wonder so many women work themselves into the ground when they can't even say "I'm hugely pregnant and knackered and I can't get up the energy to do this" without other women bleating that they don't have a "valid excuse"!!! If men got pregnant you can be sure their leave would start from the day of their bfp and they wouldn't move from the couch for the full 40 weeks! But women think we have to soldier on no matter what and fulfill our obligations regardless of how we feel. Sad.

Writer of course pregnancy can make you feel dreadful but most people just have to get on with it as they work or have other dc's to look after.

And you can do a lot of thoughtful shopping online which doesn't require much physical effort does it?

I guess the OP needs to get in her time machine though and go back 6 months and do all the shopping then or agree with people not to do so many presents this year

Mollycuddles if you were so ill how come DH didn't do all the shopping and wrapping? Why is buying presents the woman's duty?

"I know for sure that if I buy nothing for my family they will think absolutely nothing of it, because a random box of Thorton's chocolates isn't necessary for them to know that I care about them"

Well, good for you! The OP obviously isn't so fortunate! You can choose your friends, but unfortunately you can't choose your family!

Work and other children are an obligation that you need to fulfill, but even at that very few people on MN would advise an exhausted heavily pregnant woman to carry on working. If OP came on here saying "I just don't have the energy for work" most people would advise her to get herself signed off for a few days by her GP because her baby is more important. Present giving should be a joy not an obligation on a par with work. If everyone sees it as work and stress then why bother?

I don't see gift giving as work and a stress, but a pleasure. Which is precisely why I think the OP is being a bit of a wimp. And late pregnancy is a very recent memory for me.

I dont think everyone does. I think the OP does at the moment, because she is too tired to make things and too skint to buy things.

I find gift giving, card giving, visiting, socialising, etc, an absoloute joy. It doesn't mean the OP does. And just because she doesn't, doesn't mean everyone except you doesn't either.

You sound incredibly sanctimonious.

Giving presents should not be a chore or get you into financial trouble. If you're not up to it, you're not up to it. Also if you cannot afford big presents buy things like chocolates or book vouchers etc as there is no need to get yourself into financial trouble for presents.

I'm due on the 18th and plan to do everything online but money is tight and presents will have to be cheaper, the baby takes financial priority.

If people bought you baby gifts then that's great but that doesn't mean you have to buy something of equal value in return if you cannot afford it.

LadyThompson you find gift giving a joy but as TattyDevine pointed out the OP clearly doesn't, otherwise she wouldn't have a problem with it. I didn't say everyone has a different or similar view to me, I said that I never quite understood why people got so stressed about Christmas (some people I know absolutely hate it) and now I understand a little better, as we never had this feeling of obligation in my family. If my sis was pregnant at this time of year there's no way I'd expect a present from her, I'd rather she just relaxed and took care of herself and my niece/nephew than waste her money buying chocolates for me.

Tatty, I am not sanctimonious in the slightest, I just like buying gifts for my friends and family No, I don't expect everyone to be the same. However, I find people who feel the need to ask the world to skip Christmas whilst they lie on a metaphorical chaise longue dabbing their brow, a wee bit tiresome.

Why do most of the posters on here seem to think it's the OP's job to buy the christmas presents Why can't her DH do it, or at least his side of the family which would make it easier for the OP.

OP get together with your DH and set a max limit on how much to spend then leave him to do his own family.

Maybe we assume it's her job as she's on maternity leave ? As presumably her OH is going to work and therefore won't be able to go shopping. It's not as if she's going to be busy is it ?

Christmas is the same date every year - so really shouldn't come as a suprise.

Most women know they are pregnant and have at least 7 months notice of the due date - so no real suprise.

It's still several weeks to Christmas, so the OP still has time to make things if that's what she wants to do - or order on line. If you are going to 'opt out' of Christmas then the onus is on you to tell people well in advance.

WriterofDreams - why bother? Tradition, social convention, manners... take your pick. Why should other people bother and not you? Why should they make the effort and not you? What makes you so 'above it all'?

Agree chippingin.

Most people have other things going on but find time to do Xmas. It's not like it sneaks up unannounced every year.

LadyThompson, it wasn't you who sounded sanctimonious, sorry, I was responding to WriterOfDreams constantly saying how it is in her family and not seeming to get that it wasn't like that for the OP.

When someone is struggling, messages about how much better it is for you and how it should be dont really help them.

Everyone else is giving either practical advice or a kick up the bum, WriterOfDreams keeps saying how wonderful her family are and sounds like she thinks we all have dreadful materialistic money-grabbing ideas about Christmas which for the majority of us, including the OP I suspect, is not the case at all.

WriterofDreams - I fully agree with you.

But even though it can all be done online, what I would find the biggest headache is deciding what 25 gifts to get

writerof dreams My dh was working, running the house and looking after the dcs and me with no help. I was bored, bored, bored lying in bed so online shopping was not a problem. He's also crap at finding bargains so it saved us money me doing the shopping. And he would have done all the wrapping but I wanted to help because Christmas is a special time when you have children and hyperemesis had robbed me of any joy in my pregnancy I didn't want it to rob me totally of Christmas too.