about Christmas and first baby

[MerryBlessings]

Our first baby is due on Christmas Eve.

We have 25ish people to buy c presents for.

I am finally just about ready for the baby's arrival but have now completely lost all energy to sort out christmas presents. Because we have spent so much on baby gear and making our house reasonably baby accommodating (had to buy a lot of furniture in order to gain storage space in our 1 bed flat) I was planning on hand-making lots but have now lost all energy.

Anyway, aibu to think it's strange that not one member of our families or friends have said "please don't worry about us this christmas, we understand that you have other things to sort out."

The husband and I are disagreeing and I'd love to know general consensus. I think if it was the other way around I'd be keen someone wasn't worrying about us.

Thanks ladies,

MBx

this is your first baby?

so you have no children to be doing xmas for YET

just dont do xmas

send cards to everyine you know wishing them a happy xmas and great new year

and then wrap up on the couch with choccies and await your wonderful baby

seriously dont even give them another thought

Don't wait for people to do what you want them to - tell them you are struggling and need help, or that you won't be present-buying/making etc. If you do this, I'm sure you'll find they're understanding about it - but they are not psychic!!

I say this as one who is TERRIBLE at not expressing herself and expecting people just to know how I feel!

However, also remember that it's the thought that counts - OK, so it may have been ambitious to want to do homemade presents, but you can get nice things cheaply online. As the poster above suggested, photo frames may not be the most original but at least you'll have photos of a lovely baby to put in them soon!

you still have quite a while until xmas, if you know you were going to be getting presents why dont you just sort it out, i think you are making it too much of a big deal personally. or if you dont wana buy for them then dont, but i think you are making it a bigger problem than it is. agree with other comments saying "dont worry about us" is rude bc of presuming

I suppose I see things diferently. I don't do pointless or random presents and it gives me pleasure to choose gifts for my loved ones. The fact that I am having a baby in Jan doesn't mean I can't focus on anything else. I am scaling down in terms of the amount I would normally spend, but one trip out to a specific store coupled with online orders, means I will be done by next week.

WD - yes, yes, yes!!!

Because I have managed to get myself into the ridiculous position of buying things for them. It winds me up endlessly but if I didn't do it he'd just end up buying them last minute expensive options. Tho maybe I should just let it go.

I think in reality I will buy things whatever happens but it's more about the gesture from people that would have taken the pressure off a little.

I agree it's frustrating buying little things that people don't really want, especially when you don't particularly get thanked for getting something small that you've really thought about for them.

It's sad that people feel obligated to give but then I would feel super to not reciprocate. Maybe I should just grow some balls and let em think what they like!!!

Our baby was due in October and we had all the presents (bar 2) done by April. Well I say we I mean me but it really helped. I always buy through the year though - I hate shopping at Christmas!
OP I would just get generic gifts - it won't take long and get your partner to help!

It is ages off still - a teent tiny token gesture might be nice - but even just some fancy pots of jam or something that you can grab next time you are in a supermarket.

Your family will understand, I'm sure, but it is nice to get something - thought that counts and all that.

DS's godfather's wife (who sorts all his pressies to GS out for him) was due around DS's birthday this year. I totally understand that they had big things to think about, but DS was so upset when he didn't even get a phonecall or a card - and still hasn't. You have had 9 monthst to worry about the birth and Christmas clashing slightly...

If you really are struggling then tell them now - someone may even step forwards and offer to get some pressies for you.

Have you thought to say to your families don't bother with us this year, we are too busy for shopping?

I am due on 23rd though this is my third DC, my Mum has told me not to bother with her and my Dad but I would buy for them over anyone else.

Can't you still make the jam though?
I can understand the lack of enthusiasm, I had planned to sew loads of stuff but due to SPD/backpain I can't sit long enough to do it so I enlisted the DC to help make rocky road and truffles which are in the freezer, and have made Limoncello which is pretty muck chucking stuff in jar with Vodka.
Perhaps DH could assist if he is more keen on getting presents sorted than you.

As you have so many people top buy for and are obviously strapped for cash, why don't you propose to limit to children for this year and future years (family in particular.

My sis's and I agreed this between us as we're all broke financially challenged. It still works well a) children (neices and nephews are all under 8 are just chuffed to get presents and b) cash isn't wasted on smellies or such like that live in adrawer for the rest of the year.

I think having a new baby in your family is the perffect time to start some new traditions, like just giving to children of siblings. (we also join forces as siblings to buy for our parents as the money then goes alot further) we've bought them each a set of thicjk thermals this year as they're living in a caravan in scotland atm (still trying to buy a new house not a lifestyle choice!!)

get everyone a voucher card, WHSmiths and Sainsbury's (and others too probably) sell vouchers for different stores.

YANBU by the way, DD was due on the 15th December last year, I managed to get some things but most were just pot luck. I think it's probably good to get people things as you'll be getting a lot of gifts for the baby so it's good to feel that you made the effort - but don't exhaust yourself doing it, keep it simple. I know some people don't like giving vouchers but once isn't going to hurt. And your DH can sort his own family out, surely!

That's the other suggestion wourk out exactly how much you don't have to spend then allocate the amount to dh for his family and you do your half. He likes the present giving so much he needs to do more of the leg work... (and cuts your present buying mountain in half.)

stop giving us kisses

I totally understand how you feel, I'm expecting baby 2 any day (due yesterday) and have lost the will to be arsed. However I have been picking stuff up for DS1 and husband since the summer. I ordered my Sisters and DS1's teachers presents at a body shop party and intend to do the rest online after baby arrives. The good thing about online shopping is that most places will wrap the items for you (for an extra fee) and even deliver them to the recipient.

Use a cashback website and you can earn yourself a few quid into the process.

Actually the more I think about this the more I wonder why your DH isn't helping a lot more. Especially if his side of the family is the main difficulty. Why can't you get a list of ideas together tonight and then he could go out this weekend and get everything in one go. Doesn't have to be anything massive.

If you really don't want to do presents this year then you should tell everyone. You really can't expect them to raise it with you - they will have their own plans to worry about. Actually I think it will be easier to get small gifts that raise the issue with 25 people.

Or you could give everyone a goat.

I did a big lot of Christmas shopping last night going on www.very.co.uk

I have an account with them, which I opened when I bought a TV earlier this year.

They have this thing called "Take 3". When you get your bill, you can either pay the full amount (ideal) or pay a "Take 3" amount. Take 3 is where you can spread the cost of your balance over 3 interest free payments. As long as you pay the "Take 3" amount each month, it costs you nothing extra.

You also get 10% off when you open an account so if you have a big shop to do, this really helps.

May not help the OP, but for anyone who is groaning at the thought of parting with a huge whack of cash in the month of December it might be worth knowing.

OP, dont stress about your inlaws. Get your husband to do them. They are his family. You sort yours. Seriously, this is not your "job". He managed perfectly well before he met you presumably so just because you are on maternity leave or whatever does not negate this fact. Dont be a mug. Start as you mean to go on.

YABU. You can't manage to buy some Christmas presents because you're pregnant ? All you've got to do is order some bits online and wrap them up. If that's all too much for you, you have some tough times ahead when the baby arrives.

You are only having a baby and it is Christmas pressies not trekking the Andes

YABU

Is there not one person in your family who can speak with people on your behalf? We are only buying for childen this year so I have just told my mum that and when people ask her what dh and I want for Christmas she will tell them not to get us anything. I'll probably pick up some boxes of chocs/biscuits etc but can't be arsed with annual 'other people's taste' test which I, and they, will fail.

I will, however, be unfailingly great company and do lots of lovely cooking so it's not bah humbug - just can't see the point of everyone stressing over one another.

Wow, great sympathy there Woolymindy How many kids do you have? Do you not remember what it's like to be 36 weeks pregnant? The thought of trekking around a busy town looking for presents makes me feel sick. I can't even stand over the sink long enough do the washing up without feeling like I'm going to pass out. If there's one time in your life when you can and should focus on yourself, it's when you're "only" having a baby.

I have 4

the little one is 12 weeks ols so yes i do remember

Surely you just do it online don't you?

I have this problem this year. My baby is due mid december and I dont want to be in a situation where DP has to buy things because I cant get out (hes terrible, the year before I met him, he gave his sister a toilet roll...)

Ive bought most of mine online so the hassle is less.

My top tip would be get him to wrap. Sitting on the floor to wrap them up was the hardest bit!

Besides, the OP has a DH, so she shouldn't have to lift a finger. She has other more important things to worry about.

Are you serious about that present Mammie81?? That's hilarious! And also extremely odd.

There is no way in hell I would ever buy Christmas presents for my DH's family. Equally he would never buy for mine.

Yep. It did have a tenner stuffed inside it, but as pointed out to him after, what if she hadnt noticed and wiped her arse on it first!!!

What exactly has she got to "do" ? She says she's ready for the baby, it's not as if you actually have to "do" anything until the baby actually arrives. She's 36 weeks pregnant so why not buy the stuff now and wrap it up ?

Maybe I'm not very sympathetic but this attitude of "I'm pregnant so I can't possibly do anything" makes me very irritated. Unless she's got SPD or something else wrong IMO she is being pretty pathetic.