about Christmas and first baby

[MerryBlessings]

Our first baby is due on Christmas Eve.

We have 25ish people to buy c presents for.

I am finally just about ready for the baby's arrival but have now completely lost all energy to sort out christmas presents. Because we have spent so much on baby gear and making our house reasonably baby accommodating (had to buy a lot of furniture in order to gain storage space in our 1 bed flat) I was planning on hand-making lots but have now lost all energy.

Anyway, aibu to think it's strange that not one member of our families or friends have said "please don't worry about us this christmas, we understand that you have other things to sort out."

The husband and I are disagreeing and I'd love to know general consensus. I think if it was the other way around I'd be keen someone wasn't worrying about us.

Thanks ladies,

MBx

YABU

If you don't want to buy presents then don't - but don't use being pregnant as an excuse - plenty of other pregnant women (with other children as well) manage it.

If you didn't want to 'do presents' this year, the onus was on you to say so to family/friends - not to expect them to ask not to be given presents!

Thank God someone agrees with me, I thought i was being harsh for a minute!

Wow are people really this nasty about presents? IMO presents are a luxury extra, not something you have to "do" because you don't have a valid excuse not to. Plenty of men get out of ever buying presents for their families yet nothing is ever said to them and no one thinks badly of them. And this attitude that "everyone else does it so why can't you" is so mean in my view. It just shows how petty people are about presents. Fibilou if OP was your sister and she didn't get you a present would you be angry because she's "only" having a baby and that's not a valid excuse not to get you one?

I'm with you, Woolymindy. You could do it all at Boots.com in five seconds flat and they have things for under a fiver. OP, I have an eight week old baby and a toddler who is 2 tomorrow. I won't be wimping out of getting some Christmas gifts for my family because I am too tired I like getting them gifts, however modest. Christmas is about not being wrapped up in yourself, right?

Nah, WoolyMindy, I had my appendix out when I was 31 wks pg with DD2, at the beginning of December. My utterly lovely mother came to stay to look after me and DD1, and I spent my recovery time internet shopping (as an aside, completely converted my sceptical mother to it, as she hates going shopping and thought it was fabulous just to get it delivered to the door). Lots of it even got shipped directly to the recipient, so I had to do nothing

It can be done.

If you don't want to buy presents this year, what are you going to do next year when you have a crawling baby to look after and run around behind? Believe me, if you haven't got the time or inclination to get presents this year when you have presumably given up work and are on ML, you are never going to manage it again!

I wouldn't be angry, but I would think it was a pathetic excuse. I would think "if she thinks that's hard she's got some surprises coming". I was 36 weeks pregnant at Christmas last year and managed to cook dinner for 8 people so if someone couldn't manage to buy me a generic present and wrap it up when the only excuse was pregnancy I would think it pretty feeble.

DC3 was due 15th Dec, so I did all the shopping online in October and November then sat twiddling my thumbs as he conspicuously failed to arrive until New Year's Day. He's still naughty.

Anyway, are you ill with your pregnancy? Because otherwise I can't really understand why you can't go shopping for token gifts of some description. Or just make a few bits a day, you have 30 odd days after all! What else would you be doing?

Sorry YABU. You have the internet and you have time on your hands, assuming you are or will be on mat leave soon. You've even got time still to potter round the shops if you so desire. It's early enough for them not to be too busy yet on a weekday. I was due with DD in early Jan and it never occured to me not to do Christmas that year, I just did it a bit earlier than I normally would have. It's no big deal.

Another general thought OP, are you having a tree this year?

I have already bought all the tree and house decorations in preperation for it as I dont want to feel that this year is any different because Im having a baby (if anything I want it to be more christmassy!)

I'm with you too Wooly.

Just do it online - tis easy and you can do in an hour with a cup of tea.

Did lol at not trekking the andes.

And do say you can't afford to do so many presents in the future or do a secret santa thing or something.

I do tend to agree with the general sentiments against not being able to do it simply because you are pregnant.

However, I think in the OP's case its more that money is tight due to maternity leave/new baby stuff (the first one is always the expensive one) and therefore she was hoping to make presents. But now has lost energy/drive.

I can certainly sympathise with losing energy and drive in the later stages of pregnancy - I was always swollen beyond recognition (pre-eclapmsia) so moving around was hard and there is a general lethargy that comes from the insomnia in the later stages.

It is, however, good to try and rumble up some motivation so you have something to focus on in these final few weeks as they do drag ever so much. But I think that's what she is trying to do with this thread...get some ideas, maybe get a kick up the arse, or maybe get "permission" to get out of it...or strategies of how to...

I dont think you can really opt out of Christmas if you are likely to receive generous gifts from them regardless. They are also likely to give you things for your new baby soon. I think you have to do something.

Bottles of wine and boxes of chocolates simply wrapped with a proper well written card are better than nothing and are better than rechauffing the same thing you did last year.

Had my baby dec10 last year, did all buying and wrapping before due date. Bloody killed me and not sure anyone appreciated it.
A friend had her baby end of November last year and everyone got a text saying she wasn't buying that year due to baby .
Wish I'd done what she did!

Yes I have 4 kids, one almost 2 and a new baby as well as two older ones, one of whom has diabetes so takes a lot of time and care. As well as one hundered other things on a neverending 'to do' list...... should I just cancel christmas because I have a school run or three?

Everyone has there own stuff going on to a greater or lesser degree... I am flat out busy but cannot accept this 'I am pregnant I cannot do xyz' thing - just massively irritating and you wonder, how do people manage having babies if they cannot be pregnant and shop online at the same time.

I think unless someone is poorly then they need to get a grip!

yes, I am being harsh but i think we owe it to ourselves to get on with things and cope

So present giving is an obligation that you need an "excuse" to get out of, like a job? I'm quite surprised by that attitude but I think it's because in my family very little emphasis was placed on present giving and it was considered much more important to visit people or call them on the phone on birthdays or at Christmas. IME people appreciate this a lot more, to the point where I have been told by friends that my call was worth a lot more to them than any of the presents that they got. It's more special and considerate to take time out to talk to and listen to a person than it is to go online and order them some rubbish Boots gift for 5 pounds. Pointless present giving is actively discouraged in my family.

So it's not worth buying a gift if it only costs a fiver? You can buy a book for a fiver on Amazon. And I don't see giving my family 'time' as an alternative to gift giving.

Now I know why people find Christmas so stressful (was a bit baffled before). The idea that you can't "opt out of" Christmas no matter what's going on in your life just makes it seem like a hassle and one more thing on the to-do list, rather than the fun, relaxing holiday it should be. I would never not buy presents for my own children, but I think everyone else loves me enough and knows I love them enough to not think I'm pathetic if I have other things going on in my life and therefore can't buy them some useless gift. They're grown adults, they'll cope. And if they do think I'm pathetic then I know they're not up to much as friends/family and it's no great loss to me.

I'd rather see a pregnant friend relaxed and happy than stressed about buying me a present. But then I don't place much value on material things and for me Christmas would still be Christmas even if I didn't get a single present.

I do think that the OP could unintentionally make people a bit if she does opt out because of pregnancy.

Especially if the others who are buying gifts have children and have had to cope with pregnancy and christmas in the past.

I think though you should start talking to people early next year at curtainling the present buying. Its really a bit late now though as people or a lot of them will have done lots of their shopping.

Just do a big thorntons online shop - 3 for 2 on loads of stuff and most people like chocolates.

Good luck with the birth - I had ds2 on boxing day 3 years ago and its a lovely time to be snuggled up with a newborn.

Ds was due on new years eve and i remember doing all my christmas and birthday shopping (all of mine and dps family are Dec birthdays,) in Sep/Oct time because i knew i wouldn't have the energy/time nearer the time. It was quite a nice feeling getting to Halloween knowing it was all done.

So YANBU for not being able to afford much this year as you have just forked out for lots of baby stuff but YABU for not thinking ahead knowing you wouldn't have the time and energy to sort out Christmas because of a new baby.

I feel it's not worth buying a gift if you're only doing it out of a sense of obligation rather than because you know that that person genuinely wants that gift. It doesn't matter at all what a present costs, it's to do with the sentiment behind it. Time and consideration are gifts that can't be bought and touch people far more than random gifts.

I remember when a friend of mine graduated from his PhD there was talk about a gift which unfortunately I was unable to contribute to. So instead, I rang him on the day of his conferring and he said "Oh it's so lovely that you rang, thank you so much, the others got me a watch but not one of them rang." To him the fact that I'd taken time out of my day to specifically ring him and make him feel special (and more importantly to call him "Doctor" repeatedly) was worth much more than the expensive watch which had taken a second to contribute to and a minute to buy online.

WriterofDreams, it in no way reflects what goes on in my family, but the OP obviously feels a sense of obligation. If she is going to receive lots of generous gifts from them, she will no doubt be embarrased if she has done nothing.

I'm not saying she needs an excuse to get out of it. But if you look at her OP, she says "aibu to think it's strange that not one member of our families or friends have said "please don't worry about us this christmas". The fact that they haven't said that is clearly giving her a sense of obligation.

If her family are in any way miffed if she doesn't give gifts, it reflects more badly on them than her, however, its not actually going to make her feel any better.

Must admit I do agree that pregnancy shouldn't be a reason for not doing things.

Is it a cost thing though? The OP mentions all the things they have had to buy. Maybe it would be acceptable to have a 'frugal christmas' but the onus is on her to suggest this.