Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my DD to be able to open her presents on Xmas morning.

337 replies

fifitot · 23/11/2010 08:13

For the first time this year me, DH and the children, a baby and a 4 year old are spending xmas with DH's family. We are staying over at his brother and sils and their twin 7 year olds.

I was looking forward to this until I was told that in DH's family they never open xmas presents immediately on waking. In fact DH used to have to wait until after Xmas dinner but apparently now the practice is his brother's kids get up in the morning but the present opening doesn't start until everyone arrives at the house. On this occasion various other bits of DH's family are due to come.

Bear in mind that my DD always gets up at 6 and not everyone will arrive til around 12. That is 6 hours of her hanging around waiting for her xmas presents! I just think it's mean and it will be so disappointing for a child to be full of anticipation for Xmas morning to be told to wait for all the adults to arrive - so we can have a 'nice' sedate present opening ritual.

At my house, the kids always got up first thing and it was merry chaos as presents were opened. The adults did theirs later. Plus DD has for her life so far had her presents first thing.

I really think this is mean and pointless but there is nothing I can do as we are at someone elses house. Have had a huge row with DH about it as think it's cruel. She's only 4 FFS and the belief in Santa will be over all too soon.

What do you think? And what do you think I can do to negate it?

OP posts:
Mutley77 · 10/12/2014 06:04

I prefer the way your ILs do it! When we've been at my IL's (they do all presents first thing) - I feel like everything is done and finished by 7am and to be honest it's a bit of a let down!! I like to get up in some kind of civil fashion, have a cuppa, get dressed etc. Then after breakfast kids can open their presents!!!

It then gives them something to do (play) while I get the lunch ready and then the afternoon is for chilling.

They get stockings when they first wake up which feels like more than enough to whet their appetite and maintain excitement levels without being cruel!

TBH that's why we never stay elsewhere at Christmas as DH & I want things done our family way! If you don't like your ILs way of doing things stay at home (or in a hotel), open the presents then go to theirs after breakfast!

trixymalixy · 10/12/2014 06:17

YANBU, DH's family don't open their presents first thing. I really don't like it. The day seems really flat somehow.

We always opened our presents first thing, then it was time for church. Back home for smoked salmon and scrambled egg, a couple of hours playing with presents then off to my Gran's for Christmas dinner, where we opened presents from family. Perfect.

I honestly couldn't bear a morning of " when can we open our presents" constantly.

LineRunner · 10/12/2014 06:26

Zombie thread. Sigh.

vrtra · 10/12/2014 07:05

It's not mean to expect kids to wait. My dad always worked a 12 hour shift 7-7 when I was a kid. I had a stocking to open in the morning, the rest was after xmas dinner & before bed so dad could see what Santa got me Wink (I was a night owl child, never up before 9 on holidays!)

vrtra · 10/12/2014 07:05

Oh ffs.

vrtra · 10/12/2014 07:06

Maybe this thread was posted by one of my relatives... depending on vintage

TheRealAmandaClarke · 10/12/2014 07:13

Yanbu
This is one of the many reasons why I could not contemplate spending Christmas away from home.
Other ppls Christmases are maddening. Officially.
A lovely stocking with some treats from FC should sort your particular problem this year.
Oh haven't rtft btw.

youarekiddingme · 10/12/2014 07:17

They don't have a stocking Shock for us that's the bit FC does.

I go to my mums house and so does my bro and sis and their DCs/ DPs etc. we don't go until about 2pm and have lunch when we arrive and do family presents after.

However the DCs have their own stockings and presents form parents at home opinion the morning.

It's not a whole day present opening but more a nice spread of things to do/ look at during the day.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 10/12/2014 07:25

No way is right or wrong.But its a PItA to have to resist your way for your own kids because you're staying somewhere else.
FC visits at night so that presents are there in the morning.
Imho its ridiculous to make small children wait for that.
They cant play with presents u til they have opened them. They get the whole rest of the day to play, eat, go for walks/ church etc.

skylark2 · 10/12/2014 07:32

My family always did "open everything first thing."

DH's family always did "open stockings first thing, presents from 'people' after lunch."

We do his version. It works far better because there's no "okay, that's over, now what do we do?" at about 8am. If there's something in particular that you want her to have first thing to play with in the morning, just put it in her stocking! (Or underneath it. Doesn't matter if it doesn't fit.)

Jill2015 · 10/12/2014 07:40

Zombie thread...

whitesandstorm · 10/12/2014 07:50

It all seems so controlled and contrived. Fair enough for the adults but does Bil not realize that little children's minds operate completely different. They simply don't have that kind of patience and restraint. He's expecting little children to act all adult like and grown up and imo all this does is take away all the fun and spontaninity of waking up Christmas morning to see if Santas been. He seems to be going against the whole concept of Santa coming in the night and leaving presents for children. All the books and films about Christmas depict him coming in the night with his reindeer and leaving presents for when the children wake up. There would be none of the joy and anticipation of "Christmas Morning" in his household, instead a formal grownup "opening of presents". Talk about taking away the magic of Christmas. Yanbu Op, if I was you I'd perhaps try to explain to Bil how Christmas rolls in your household and you are quite happy to go along with his formal arrangements for everyone else but not for your child. Just tell him it would be too confusing for her to have to wait and could she perhaps open her presents in her room with just you and Dh to watch. I realize this might be awkward because of his dc, but leave that to him.

Rebecca2014 · 10/12/2014 08:02

I don't think it right to judge what other families do on Christmas. It is their tradition and yes it may not feel right to you but you are spending the day with them.

Try and compromise and next year spend Christmas at your house!!

MidniteScribbler · 10/12/2014 08:05

Every Christmas for me as a child was getting a stocking from Santa delivered to my bedside overnight, which I would usually drag in to my parents room to open in bed with them. After that my dad's mum and sister would arrive and we'd have breakfast. Once breakfast was done, we would sit around the tree and open presents, always one at a time, and once I was old enough to read the labels I would hand them all out, carefully making sure that everyone took turns. At the end, I would sit and open all of my gifts (only child, so I did pretty well lol).

As an adult I was living overseas with a family as a nanny, and they did the letting kids rip in to the presents as soon as they got up. I got out of bed at about 7 to find absolute carnage in the living room, toys and discarded wrapping everywhere, and the kids had no idea who gave them what, or even which toy belonged to whom. It was horrible, and I swore it would never happen in my own home. We now stick to my family tradition, and it makes for a lovely relaxing day, where we can really enjoy the spirit of sharing gifts with each other.

Ragwort · 10/12/2014 08:13

This thread started in 2010 so I wondered what happened at the IL's that Christmas? Grin

FWIW we always do stockings first thing and 'main' presents after Church and a light lunch before the main Christmas meal.

Do whatever works for your family but of course children can 'wait' ....... they've waited all year haven't they? hate an orgy of present opening - but love the idea that it's 'posh' people who have their presents in the afternoon Grin.

MinceSpy · 10/12/2014 08:26

Actually it's quite nice to all sit around opening and admiring presents. Grandparents ect love seeing the children's reactions.

Make sure your little ones stocking is exciting and maybe one santa gift. Then have the main presents later, makes the excitement last longer.

Trickydecision · 10/12/2014 08:43

A really well filled stocking to open first thing is the way forward. We had a similar experience when we stayed with DB one Christmas. Though our DSs were older than yours, it was not a popular arrangement.

There were one or two other oddities too. DSIL put her brandy butter in with the sprouts. We prefer it on the Christmas puddng.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 10/12/2014 09:13

YANBU
Had a similar situation where PILs wanted to do presents on Xmas Eve even though the kids were young and still believed in FC.
I just kept chipping away at them saying there had to be a compromise... kept repeating the same theme until they backed down from 'it had to be their way'.
Just keep talking to them and asking for for another option.
There are lots of ways this could be managed that could keep both parties happy.

momb · 10/12/2014 09:18

stockings first thing, presents later.
...normal surely!

EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh · 10/12/2014 09:34

Stage managed Christmas fiasco? Hardly. We do presents after breakfast (11ish) and we all take a present, open it, admire it, thank the giver etc before being given another one. It's lovely and not stage managed at all. I hate the idea of ripping indiscriminately into gifts. Kids have sticking to keep them entertained until presents, that way they actually enjoy their sticking presents before getting more.

anothermakesthree · 10/12/2014 09:42

Whether people agree or not, you don't actually have a choice. Their house, their rules. I would just make sure you prepare your child for what is going to happen so that you can manage the situation. Everybody has different 'traditions' that they adhere to and if you have accepted hospitality, you have to accept how they do things.

Jill2015 · 10/12/2014 09:44

This thread is FOUR YEARS OLD..

anothermakesthree · 10/12/2014 09:45

Just realised how old this thread is.....ho hum back to work.

HolgerDanske · 10/12/2014 10:17

Heheh sorry everyone! Xmas Blush

Italiangreyhound · 10/12/2014 13:08

Ha ha I wonder what the OP did!!!!!!!! that has really made me smile! We are all debating a Christmas FOUR years ago!!!

Smile Smile Smile Smile