to want to tell DS's godfather to F$&K OFF...?

[Asteria]

I have just been told that I will be getting an eviction notice next week, so rather than wallowing in self pity I took DS out for the morning. We walked the dogs and chucked stones in the river (which was free - yay). Then his godfather tipped up (single, good job, own house etc etc) and bought us a cup of tea each. I mentioned that I was stressing about life/finances (also have BPD which adds a certain je ne sais quoi to life) and he instantly changed the subject then suggested lunch - which I had to pay for. He then suggested Harry Potter (we were in a cinema/restaurant/gallery place) which DS instantly went loopy over and I was again backed into a corner of having to cough up for. I hate constantly saying no to DS and I hadn't eaten anything at lunch so justified the tickets that way - but it has left me with less than £30 till next weekend. I am furious with DS's godfather - not least because he promised DS a big birthday pressie to make up for missing the last 5 and two months later still hasn't bothered. I am really against promising something to a child then not going through with it.

YANBU He is a total arse.

So he flew off the handle when you called

It was hard enough to make the call never mind listen to him bellyache.

I hope you get the housing situation sorted, it must be incredibly stressful. You sound like a great mum.

Mumcentreplus I have sent you a pm

Mumcentreplus Is there a particular reason you are focusing on my post , despite the fact that several others have said similar ?

YANBU

He seems like a tight bastard and TBH I would cut him out of my life if he did that. There's no benenfit to you or your child if he's going to be like that when you need help.

That said, I know it's hard for you and your DS, my mum was a single parent and we had housing issues when I was a child, but I never would have been able to get round my mother in wanting a trip to the cinema or lunch out. No meant no and if she couldn't afford it, she wouldn't take my brother and I.

Can I just be very clear - I didn't have ANY intention of going out for lunch or to the cinema at all. I went to the river for a walk with DS and we parked by a converted station that has a little cinema, gallery and cafe in it. DS's GF turned up and said he would buy us a cup of tea so we went in - it was once we were inside that it all went wrong.

Nope Dignifed yours was last i suppose..didn't mean to single you out...

I know you didn't intend to go.

How old is your DS?

YANBU but you should have just told him no because times are tough financially

sorry A1980 - your post just read like I had joyfully frittered away my last pennies because my DS had whined enough!

DS is 8 and has done bloody well with our tightening of purse strings of late - it hasn't always been so bad (had a car accident that really set me back in Aug) and he has had to make some huge sacrifices. It was his letter to Father Christmas last night that broke my heart - I mentioned it earlier, but basically he put a huge swathe of computery things (all of which his friends have got for birthdays in the last couple of months) on the list for FC to get because he knew that I couldn't afford them.

Asteria, I could weep reading your post - your DS sounds like a lovely kid and you should be proud of him. Why is this guy his Godfather, out of interest? He sounds like a Grade A twat.

Unrequited I am asking myself the same question. The thing is DS is very close to him - he started out with 3 GF's (compensating for his fuckwhit father not being involved), the one that DS was closest to died and the other lives in London (3 hours on a train) so this one is the only adult male contact he regularly has outside of school.
I suppose I have a massive swathe of guilt, firstly for being a single parent, secondly for having a mental illness that will clearly impact on DS's life, thirdly for being so bloody poor (see 1st and 2nd) and thirdly for always being the killjoy that says no. Whatever anyone says about my choices today - having DS hug me tonight and thank me for an amazing day was worth it - no matter how shitty I felt.

and seventhly for not being able to bloody count!!!

Asteria it's hard to interpret the meaning in the written word when you can't speak to the person, etc. That's why there are so many bunfights on this site as it is SO easy to misinterpret the written word.

I didn't mean you had given into a whining child, not at all. He's old enough to understnad that you're struggling and sounds like he's coping very well. it's shit. If it helps any I remember not having anything to eat but cereal over the weekends as mum had run out of money and also having to walk home a couple of miles from a trip into town when she realised she didn't have enough money for the bus for all three of us. I turned out ok. Kids are tougher than you think. :)

Ready Brek is a staple in this house!

Update!

My mother has very kindly stepped in and put a plaster on the housing issue, it is by no means totally sorted but I now have a few months to look for somewhere else - or to sort out finances so that I can afford to stay where we are.

GF called today and I pointed out that my version of broke was having less than £30 with no credit card or overdraft to fall back on - I think that he may have got the picture at that point. No overwhelming flood of apology for being a twunt but I didn't expect that anyway.

Oh that's better, Asteria : )

That is better. But is he paying you back?

Asteria

Forgive me for asking but are the computery things games for an Xbox, DS or Wii? We don't have any spare hardware, but might have a couple of spare games, as my boys have a few favourites and others (usually gained second hand) which aren't so well used. Happy to lend FC a hand if your lovely ds can use one.

notquitegrownup very kind of you my dear - he has a wii already and lots of games for that - but now actually wants the XBox 360 and an Ipod and a laptop AND a digital camera... I have told him that FC isn't that flush this year!

He got the grand ideas when FC gave a friend of his a quad bike - which I did point out at the time to the mother was a little unfair on all the other children who only got tangerines and walnuts from FC! The whole class was in uproar as to why FC had favoured their DS so much - understandably. Why couldn't the quad bike have been from the parents?! Urgh! Totally different thread waiting to happen there...

Yeah, I've been waiting for DS to figure that one out...I've covered myself by saying that we pay FC to buy DS's presents ;)

Well I hope that your DS's godfather gets him a bloody good present this year to make up for his fuckwittedness!

So he offered to buy you a cup of tea, then upgraded to a suggestion of lunch, watched you eat nothing, then cleared off when the bill arrived? Then did the same re the cinema? Just so I'm completely clear on this...

Asteria-I am so pleased that your mother has been able to support you re buying some time to address issues related to the eviction. Re the cinema/lunch senario-Dittany and MumcentrePlus echo my sentiments on the matter. It tickled me-NOT!! that some replied chose to focus on the appropriateness of DS aged 8 seeing a 12 Cert. WTF has that got to do with the price of fish?!
Anyway, I digress..... The GF sounds like a tight, selfish bastard tbh (although I do appreciate that he was "there for you" practically during difficult times when DS was younger and had formed a relationship with him)To see you sit there eating nothing and then disappear when it was time to pay the bill. Don't cull him completely-but in your shoes, I would definitely distance myself.
I hope you find resolution re the housing issue.

Never mind telling him to F$&K OFF, tell him to FUCK off and while he's at it, to fuck off some more.

He may have been there for you in the past but he obviously isn't now. Sounds to me as though he expects to be 'paid' for hanging out with your DS. He is your son's godfather - he should be modelling good, kind, thoughtful behaviour. He should be someone for your son to look up to, confide in, and trust.

If he's this thoughtless and insensitive (and that really is the most charitable interpretation of his behaviour that I can muster) then do you really think he's going to hold his end of the bargain up?

Rant over.

You said "having DS hug me tonight and thank me for an amazing day was worth it - no matter how shitty I felt" - I hope you can focus on that feeling. I hope that things improve for you and your DS and that you have a wonderful Christmas. Your DS sounds like a great kid - mature, sensitive, caring - you should be really proud.

Good post, Grumpla!

fetchez - that is about the size of it!

Grumpla and deliciousdevilwoman kind words, hugely appreciated - and yes I am immensely proud of my DS. He never ceases to amaze me.