to want to tell DS's godfather to F$&K OFF...?

[Asteria]

I have just been told that I will be getting an eviction notice next week, so rather than wallowing in self pity I took DS out for the morning. We walked the dogs and chucked stones in the river (which was free - yay). Then his godfather tipped up (single, good job, own house etc etc) and bought us a cup of tea each. I mentioned that I was stressing about life/finances (also have BPD which adds a certain je ne sais quoi to life) and he instantly changed the subject then suggested lunch - which I had to pay for. He then suggested Harry Potter (we were in a cinema/restaurant/gallery place) which DS instantly went loopy over and I was again backed into a corner of having to cough up for. I hate constantly saying no to DS and I hadn't eaten anything at lunch so justified the tickets that way - but it has left me with less than £30 till next weekend. I am furious with DS's godfather - not least because he promised DS a big birthday pressie to make up for missing the last 5 and two months later still hasn't bothered. I am really against promising something to a child then not going through with it.

Violethill we hadn't gone out with the intention of spending all this money frivolously on luxuries that we couldn't afford - DS's ruddy godfather backed me into a corner and I caved. I never have left the house with the intention of lunch and cinema - I just wanted to get out of the house and go for a walk.

Borderline Personality Disorder - it's a real hoot!

Sorry to hear this has happened Asteria..I think he is a liberty taker..yes you could have said no and if you were thinking straight and stronger at the time you would have ..but the fact the wanker GF suggested both these activities really sucks...

You need to stand firm. Make up your mind before setting out what your budget is and don't waver. No one can force you Into spending. An 8 year old is old enough to understand when there isn't enough money for luxuries

thank you MCP - that is exactly what I was trying to say - I am usually a force to be reckoned with and won't take shit from anyone, I just seem to have "Welcome - wipe feet here" on my forehead at the moment!

He sounds like a right pisstaker....I can't stand anyone who won't pay there way, richer than me or not.

Try to avoid him if possible

Bless you, op.

I actually think you should consider calling your friend and saying, look, this is really embarrassing but I really couldn't afford lunch today. If not, put it down to experience, be less abashed next time and try to remember the nice afternoon you've had. Cost of everything, value of nothing and all that. You'll manage on £30, albeit it'll be a lean few days.

People often claim to be broke ime when they're nothing of the sort - for example their wages have nearly run out but they've got savings they could raid if needs must. Basically, he probably doesn't have a clue.

What I mean btw when I say people often claim to be broke is that your friend probably doesn't realise that you really are short right now.

People often say they're starving when actually they're just a bit peckish, iykwim.

Fgs! She didnt say that she buys treats every day! She does say no to her ds. What is with all these lectures 'teach your son that he cant have everything'? He hardly has everything!
OP is about to be evicted and has depression and came here to let some steam out. She doesnt need all this. And she doesn't need to explain why she runs a car. Did you all wanted her to stay indoors all weekend? Then we could say 'single mums put the dcs in front of the tv all sunday' and we would feel better
Did OP say she doesnt work? or we assume so because she mentioned she is single mother?

OP YABU to pay his lunch but YANBU to treat your ds once and YANBU to have a rant.

Agreed dittany.

Ditto Laquitar & Dittany...totally

Did OP pay for his ticket too?

You need to call him. Sorry, but you do. You need to call him and say

"look Peter, it was really nice having lunch with you today, but you may not have noticed that I was not actually eating. I can not afford to eat out. And this means I will have to ask you for the money I spent on YOUR lunch. I am really embarrassed about this. And I dont really expect a high earner to understand my predicament, but it is so bad that as of next month, I will be either living in a homeless shelter, or on the street. But I did not want to cause a scene at the cafe. Please post me a check of xyz. ok?"

He will probably be mortified, but you need to make this clear.

I thinkyou need to call him and explain that the afternoon has left you short of money and you need him to pay his share. Reiterate you are being evicted.

Sorry you are going through all this. I am sure the lectures are really helping.

I do hope none of the bashing comments are aimed at me, I am livid with this guy too.

I just want the OP to stand up for herself. Of course she should not be wearing a sack cloth and ashes, but these are dire times. She has 2 weeks to find a roof over her head and that of her DS.

Teaching our children to live to within their means is a lesson that will not only serve them well, for the economic mire they face in the future, getting used to going without will mean the difference between them sinking or swimming.

The mess this planet is in at the moment is purely down to an inflated sense of need, entitlement and an unfounded reward culture.

I recall school friends with literally no central heating, no phone, no car, very little food and coin operated TVs.

A 12A cert film for an 8yo is a luxury. So someone has not been to the Flicks in a year, so what!? Until I went with DS last year it was a good 3yrs since I had been.

I'm not begrudging the OP or her son anything, I know how crappy she must feel to always say no, but right getting her home sorted out is way more important. She needs some real help to assert herself to say NO to the godfather, or to say if you want to do it, you will have to pay for all of us, because I have no cash.

Asteria is the parent, and a damned good one at that, but she has to stand up for herself and her DS. She has to prioritise.

I am self-employed - the only job I can get in this part of the country (the local Tesco even has an 18month waiting list) - but self-employment and BPD don't mix very well. I haven't had any income for a few weeks and limp by on Tax Credits when times are hard. I am by no means workshy though - I will turn my hand to anything that I can get paid for - more recently that has been wallpapering, making curtains, house-sitting and I have been doing charity/volunteer work to try and get my CV looking a little less grim.

If you feel embarrassed to phone him, then email him. Write down the specifics- you need that money

back, for his share of lunch and cinema.

Very good post littlemisshissy

he just flew off the handle at my asking for some money back from him (he is really really broke at the moment - BOO HOO - he has flatmates that pay his mortgage and a fleet of cars and motorbikes) - I might get it tomorrow - I really won't hold my breath. At the moment I would rather be £10 down than have all the bollocks of feeling crap for confronting him.

LittleMiss, no my post wasn't aiming at you.

It was after reading Vallhala @ 17.30.27 and Violethill @17.42.27.

Break off contact. He sounds like a rubbish godparent.

To be honest once you've paid for him I think you just need to accept that its done and move on. The mistake was paying but you already know that

bpd sucks ass & I totally get the fear of rejection & constant feelings of abandonment. I dont think yabu to be pissed off. Really hope everything works out for you

If you dont thnk he will give you the money back then put itdown to experience and never again.
Do you know what to do regarding housing now? If not maybe start another thread and get as much info as you can?