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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider threesome

41 replies

MaybeIshould · 20/11/2010 23:19

DH has always had fantasy of watching me and another man have sex.
I find this fantasy a turn on but the reality upsetting that he is willing to 'share' me.
But have been thinking about it more recently - DH has a friend who is interested in being the third party.
AIBU to consider it?

OP posts:
Ladyofthehousespeaking · 20/11/2010 23:20

Don't do it- you dot sound like you want it tbh, don't give in to please him.

ZZZenAgain · 20/11/2010 23:22

I think a fantasy is not necessarily something that needs to be put into practice.

I'm not the big expert on this kind of thing but my guess is that once you open your twosome up, sort of widen it in this way, you may regret having done so because it is not the same relationship anymore.

Take your time and only do it if you are really ready to do it. Dh wants his friend involved and wants this to happen in RL?

taintedpaint · 20/11/2010 23:22

Take advice from Samantha Jones on this one, the only way to do a threesome is to be the guest star.

I would never involve another man or woman in any relationship I was in.

I'm not entirely unexperienced in this area either btw.

Original poster
MaybeIshould · 20/11/2010 23:22

I do and I dont IYKWIM. I do think it would be sexy/fun and exciting in a taboo way BUT am worried it will alter relationship with DH. Also worried I will see him differently.

I don't know anyone who's done it and would never be able to ask in RL anyway.

OP posts:
OTTMummA · 20/11/2010 23:23

Do you think it would make your relationship better?
Do you fancy this other man?
Would your DH be ok with it being this 'friend'?
I would say 3 somes in a long term relationshop with no history of this sexual type of behaviour would cause more harm than good tbh.
But if your both willing and can deal with the emotional and psychological aspects, then go ahead.

Do you have DC?

NurseSunshine · 20/11/2010 23:24

Fantasies are fantasies for a reason. The reality is often much different and can be very hard to deal with.

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 20/11/2010 23:24

I noticed you commented on ofcourseinamechanged post

is he another sexual bully who treats you like his wank sock then?

ZZZenAgain · 20/11/2010 23:25

are you comfortable with knowledge of this being passed around?

Asteria · 20/11/2010 23:25

in my experience it ends in disaster to drift into the realms of fantasies that involve other people. It can't be taken back once it is done.

Why don't you just do a bit of role play and record it - maybe he could dress up (those glasses with big plastic nose and moustache attached might do the trick) and then he can watch it later and pretend that it's someone else rodgering his DW...

ZZZenAgain · 20/11/2010 23:26

because I wouldn't trust that dh's friend is going to keep silent about it

BitOfFun · 20/11/2010 23:27

Taking this post on its own merits, with no knowledge of any others, I would say NO. Not a good idea. The reality is likely to disappoint and give you cause for regret. Fantasy is all well and good, but real life doesn't tend to live up to it.

Original poster
MaybeIshould · 20/11/2010 23:28

OTT - No

  • a bit (he has a massive willy which I find exciting if I'm 100% honest Blush - which I may as well be as I name changed for this)
  • was his idea for friend to join
  • yes we have DC

Think maybe fantasy should stay that way then - still think it sounds exciting!

OP posts:
huddspur · 20/11/2010 23:28

It has the potential to go wrong and ruin your relationship or it might be an enjoyable experience but you don't sound particulary up for it.

Original poster
MaybeIshould · 20/11/2010 23:31

Asteria I genuinely snorted at the glasses and moustache - hilarious!

Lady - not at all - my comment was about the discussions - DH has tendency to ignore serious issues then I shout at him - nowt to do with this though but thanks for concern Smile

Zzz - good point!

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 20/11/2010 23:34

Honestly- half the fun of sharing fantasies is the intimacy of it. Which is ruined if you actually do it.

SamJones · 20/11/2010 23:36

No no no no.

Would be VERY dangerous in your situation to try this imo. And I am not saying this through being prudish. I could tell many a tale on these subjects, including threesomes, but this is about you not me.

For a start - what you describe is not a threesome - its your DH getting off while you have sex with someone else. Voyeurism.

You are clearly unsure of what this means wrt your relationship, and until you establish that you should should not do anything - this sort of thing cannot be 'undone' afterwards.

The man you mention is a friend of DH. This would affect their relationship too. And do you actually want to have sex with this man? Do you all interact socially in the normal course of things? How would you feel about seeing him socially afterwards? Would the friend keep quiet about it or would you be ok with other people knowing what had gone on?

And how would you safeguard your health?

What I am trying to say that there are many many more factors to consider in this situation than just the fact that DH has this as a fantasy.

Some things are best left as fantasy. So while I think YANBU to CONSIDER something that your DH wants, I think YWNBU to refuse for many reasons as things stand.

ZZZenAgain · 20/11/2010 23:36

could be you'll end up prefering the friend

SamJones · 20/11/2010 23:37

Wow - there was only one reply when I started typing mine [slow typer emoticon]

ZZZenAgain · 20/11/2010 23:38

lol was a good post though

Original poster
MaybeIshould · 20/11/2010 23:38

How do I explain that to DH - he wants to keep it fantasy most of the time but is quite keen for me to say if I would consider it.

I did get pissed tipsy the other day and say I would love it to happen so got his hopes up.

He says it would not alter how he felt about me as it is just sex with someone else but with us it is love.

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 20/11/2010 23:39

you could say you'd do it when you find a man you fancy as much as him

which is never

OTTMummA · 20/11/2010 23:43

If he likes to watch, and you would feel comfortable with this, why not get a dildo/vibrator and let him watch you have some fun Wink

I bet that would satisfy his urges a bit.

And i would definately not do this if you have children.
Especially if they are young aswell.

ZZZenAgain · 20/11/2010 23:44

call him by another name next time - and act totally differently to normal?

ZZZenAgain · 20/11/2010 23:45

I'm clowning now, sorry.

Only do it if you really want to have sex with this other man. Otherwise don't

getthehangoftreaclesandwiches · 20/11/2010 23:45

if you do genuinely want to try a 3some, go to a reputable swingers club preferably in a town some distance from where you live. have a chat with some regulars, talk to people who can help you understand what to expect will happen to your relationship dynamic if you do this, and how they coped. i know what i speak of. DO NOT, DO NOT do anything like this with a mate of your husbands. it will get unbelievably messy, and impossible to distance yourself from. for the right couple, done in the right way, this could be a very positive experience, or a total disaster. oh and practice safe sex.

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