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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider threesome

41 replies

MaybeIshould · 20/11/2010 23:19

DH has always had fantasy of watching me and another man have sex.
I find this fantasy a turn on but the reality upsetting that he is willing to 'share' me.
But have been thinking about it more recently - DH has a friend who is interested in being the third party.
AIBU to consider it?

OP posts:
Original poster
MaybeIshould · 20/11/2010 23:45

OTT - it already does Grin

I don't see how DC come into it [dim]

OP posts:
SamJones · 20/11/2010 23:49

To be honest - I think it sounds like your DH is just getting a bit carried away with the fantasy and when confronted with the reality with a friend of his getting down and dirty with his wife he might well feel differently.

How would you deal with it if you were really enjoying things and he said - 'No wait I've changed my mind'.

He cannot know for sure that it would not affect how he feels about either of you.

Original poster
MaybeIshould · 20/11/2010 23:50

DH and friend have a sexual connection - DH wanked friend off while talking about me - which happened when we had a seperation due to a previous relationship (non-sexual) issue. We rarely see this friend now but I genuinely believe he would not tell anyone.

I would of course practice safe sex

OP posts:
Asteria · 20/11/2010 23:50

perhaps masking the drunken confession with a few more really outlandish ones will divert his attention away from getting his mate to join you?
Various fantasies that might do the trick:
glass coffee tables and poo
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (perhaps with poo)
Something involving turnips and cling film

OR you could buy an industrial sized tub of KY then pretend that you had got his fantasy completely wrong and thought that HE was the one who would be having sex with his well hung friend...

OTTMummA · 20/11/2010 23:51

I've seen relationships crumble after doing the said action.
I had to 2 girls come live with me because the 3some lead to a serious breakdown and no one else would take them in at such short notice.
It's not nice hearing little children sob their hearts out all night.

You can't risk IMO a good marriage/family life because of a fantasy that only one person DEFINATLEY wants, you don't sound entirely convinced tbh.
If something bad was to happen to the relationship because of this, i think it would be preferable for it to be a learned mistake with no children involved.

Just my Opinion.

Asteria · 20/11/2010 23:52

treaclesandwiches speaks a lot of sense - take her advice, not mine!

scottishmummy · 20/11/2010 23:53

why would you acquiesce to something upsetting to please husband?

stop pandering to his wet dream.grow a spine say no

Original poster
MaybeIshould · 20/11/2010 23:55

Thanks for that OTT you have thoroughly talked me out of it - think i was getting carried away myself.

I tend to forget DH has wider sexual boundaries than me and complicated history. Those things probably effect how he thinks things will be rather than how they actually will be.

OP posts:
SamJones · 20/11/2010 23:55

Well in that case.....I would avoid even more. You may run the risk of having a third person interwoven within the fabric of your relationship, because I don't see how this could 'just be sex'.

I second the idea of going to a 'good' swingers place to talk about it if you really want to pursue it.

Original poster
MaybeIshould · 20/11/2010 23:57

I have one scottish - I do find idea upsetting in that way but also sexy - has been my own 'wet dream' too. He has never tried to pressure me FWIW.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 21/11/2010 00:06

reality upsetting that he is willing to 'share' me.

your op isnt overwhelmingly bring it on

electra · 21/11/2010 00:06

It depends on whether you think you can handle the aftermath. I agree that a fantasy is harmless enough but if you involve another person in your relationship it could potentially end in tears for all sorts of reasons, especially if the guy is a friend. And as someone has said on here before, the third person has to be considered as a person with feelings, they are not a 'toy' that could be put away in a drawer like a sex toy could.

So I suppose there are risks and it depends if this would really suit you or not.

scottishmummy · 21/11/2010 00:08

so what happens after another man and you intimate.will you all be ok

getthehangoftreaclesandwiches · 21/11/2010 00:11

if you really are toying with the idea, then do pop along to a club. have a chat to the regulars and also get some idea of how it might feel by having sex with eachother, in the club with others watching. you might hate it, or that might in itself do it for you, either way you then wont tear yourself up going any further with this if there is no need. if you feel you do want to go further, after a few visits focussing on eachother you can start to involve someone else, and control their level of involvement. eg just kiss them while dh f##'s you, let them touch etc

electra · 21/11/2010 00:17

A friend of mine was the third person of a similar situation. It all got quite complicated - he said he and his friend's girlfriend started having sex by themselves and it ended up in a mess.

maighdlin · 21/11/2010 01:48

never do anything you are remotely uncomfortable with

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