to hate truely clean tidy houses!

[lisad123isgoingcrazy]

My "friend" teased me today about my house always being cluttered I have 2 young children and a dog and my house is neither dirty or untidy, just lived it!
I have toys, paperwork and books around the house.

Her house is always spotless and everything has its place.

Drives me mad

Wow, sounds like a a bundle of laughs in your house Beenbeta! What about playing hide and seek?

Our children are happy. They are just not allowed to make a mess everywhere. They do a lot of sport and other activities outside home too.

Hide and seek is for outside play.

Yes, but I think that past a certain age (7?) there's a difference between banning a child from a room and banning them from making a mess in a room. Presumably you won't still be banning them from their bedrooms when they are 15 - are you planning to make it a privilege of moving up to secondary school or something?

My house is full of stuff, and much admired by stuff fiends.

I don't hate clean and tidy houses, but am wary of attitudes that might go with it. For instance, I rejected out of hand a potential child minder whose house was achingly spotless, operating theatre standard. I wanted a "real" home where I could see a bit of grime wouldn't be out of place. I struck lucky, fortunately for my mucky DD.:)

Teenagers in bedrooms?

Ok I guess they can wank in the bathroom.

They are 8 and 10.

They sleep in their bedrooms of course.

I have a similar system to BeenBeta and also always have a clean and tidy house. Children are allowed in most rooms, but not in the living room or dh's office. They have their own rooms to play in, as well as a play room which, along with the open plan family/kitchen/diner, is plenty of space for them. The living room is our adult sanctuary filled with things we love (nice furniture, silk upholstery, art on walls, and bronze statues). It would probably be against health and safety to let young kids in there, especially the toddler, as some of the bronzes are really heavy and it would be disastrous if any of the frames fell on them.

However, dc are always welcome in my bedroom, and both usually end up sleeping with us.

I tried banning children from my bedroom, but failed miserably.

DS1 has succeeded in keeping younger siblings out of his room though. Even when he invites them in, they are very nervous about stepping through the doorway.

He puts his success down to hitting them very hard when ever they dared go in.

Beenbeta are you an architech by any chance?

methdrinker - no I am not an architect.

SofaQueen - yes same reasons here too. I was thinking of starting an 'AIBU to ban children from parts of my house'.

You saved me!

Beenbeta- think you are getting a bit of needless abuse here!

I grew up in a lovely, warm, friendly home that I still count as home even though I haven't lived there in 13 years. We had lots of cousins and neighbours and no-one (in anyone' house!)would even think of going into the sitting room/lounge/whatever you call it (different thread in chat once, I believe). That was for adults, there were no toys in there, it was boring anyway .

I don't think any of my friends have ever been in my parents' bedroom, or vice versa.

But there was no LAW, IYSWIM. I never felt I couldn't go into my parents' room (in fact I disturbed their sleep for anout 10 years ), but it was just accepted that there was no need for us to be in there to play.

However, I think a lot of this was because we (and lots of neighbours, etc) had a big house. Kitchen, 'den', playroom and a big garden - all our crap was in there and we had our drawings stuck everywhere, etc.

I don't think there is anything wrong with teaching children that the nice things in the 'good' room are there to be enjoyed in a different way, and that if my parents' friends came round, there was instant adult space. So no-one cared that we were building forts out of doll house and transformers at the other side of the house

Sorry, loooong! Just didn't like the view that you were some kind of robo-parent, beenbeta!

TanteAC - very interesting post.

My parents also had the same rules and as children we never felt it was odd or wrong or unfair as we had a big rambling farmhouse and acres of space to play in outside. I also went to boarding school and we were not allowed in bedrooms or certain other parts of the school at specific times of the day there either. It was a normal part of my whole childhood not to be allowed to play and make a mess wherever I wanted.

In contrast, DW grew up in a very small 2 - up - 2 - down house and she agrees with this rule in our house because she hated the fact that no one had their own space in her parents tiny house.

We know we are not 'roboparents' though as DW and I occassionally ask our DSs if we are 'strict parents'. They always laugh and say no. Which makes us happy and also a little bit worried.

jugglingjo - you are more than welcome :) You should never worry about what anyone else thinks of your home if they don't like it - they know where the door is :)

When I was a child I wasn't 'allowed' in my parents room, unless they were in there. If there was something I wanted - I had to ask for it. We had no need to be in there so it makes sense. Why would you allow your children to be in your room/play in there/mess stuff up/do god knows what - when you aren't in there?

As for living rooms - I think it depends on what other rooms you have, but if you have a nice playroom/family room etc with comfy couches etc, then there's no need for the kids to be in/play in/mess up the living room - however, if it's your only 'space' then of course they should be 'allowed' in there.

If you have a playroom/big kitchen/other space - then the kids don't need to be playing in their rooms etc making every room in the house a mess. It also depends on the layout of a house - sometimes it's convenient to keep all the mess in one part & other times it's not so easy. If you have a family room & playroom downstairs there's no need for (small) children to be upstairs (in bedrooms, bathrooms etc out of sight!). There's nothing wrong with either way - so long as you as happy with it surely?

However, I think that people who struggle to keep the place clean/tidy and who would like to - should really consider the use of each room.

I dont get the idea that people who have spotless homes are weird/abnormal/freaks/doing nothing but clean. My apartment is absolutely tiny <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Sad" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/sad-q5SIe0Cq.png"> and with two DC, I have no choice but to be ruthless with the amount of stuff we have. Does that make me a freak? <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Confused" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/confused-DVrVQwAF.png"> Its actually pretty nice knowing that all the stuff we do have is used, wanted and needed and that we dont have rooms and rooms stuffed full of crap we never use. As for cleaning, I do a big clean (polish, hoover, pull out the furniture etc) once a week and maybe hoover quickly once more during the week. The kids or I tidy up at the end of each day (though DH and I both work FT so not around a lot during the day Mon to Fri). Dont think thats obsessive/excessive cleaning is it? BTW, no shoes allowed in my house (may have been ME that started That Thread <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Blush" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/blush-Brh13p-7.png"> although nor do I ask people either - I live in Japan where its normal...

I think uber tidy homes where children are clearly not free to enjoy themselves or express themselves are not family homes.

We have children who come to our home who are not allowed to paint or do crafts at home.Not allowed to bake. Not allowed to make a mess in their own rooms. Not allowed in certain rooms ( please Mrs Litchick are we allowed to go in the 'best' room?). Not allowed to do much really.

I have one firend whose teenaged son has never invited any of his mates home...I can guess why.

I mean come on, that's not a nice way to live.

I agree Litchick, but uber tidy home does not necessarily equal home where children cannot enjoy/express themselves.
My home is really really tidy and really clean (so I think and so Im told <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Smile" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/smile-iCO8d7ST.png"> <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Smile" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/smile-iCO8d7ST.png">.But my kids enjoy themselves and make a mess like <span class="line-through">any</span> most other kids. Maybe its just that we clean up better after wards? ?

x-post with LeQueen.
Great minds, LeQueen

I don't think it is that simple for many folk, LeQueen.

Many children just aren't allowed to do those things or are actively discouraged from doing it. Creativity is squashed. The parents want a tidy house at all times.

These children don't invite their mates around because they know mess stresses their parents out.

Not speaking from experience here Litchick, but kids can express creativity in other places too - nursery / school / playgroup etc.

A friend of mine laughingly says thats why her kids are in daycare - so that they can do all the messy things there that she <span class="line-through">cant be arsed doesn`t have time for at home, and it avoids her spanking new pad getting messed up

I don't think you can outsource family life to day care/school.

Sure they do lovely things there, but it's not a substitute for doing them at home.
Too many kids coming home from day care/school and just watching telly I think.

Mess, I'm afraid is an intrinsic part of family life. Clear it up afte ror not, it's up to you, do to avoid the mess in the first place is just wrong imho. And I think that goes on far more than people are willing to admit.

You hear folk say, oh I let them paint etc but it's probably once a blue moon.