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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed when chidminder asks for days off?

38 replies

mummyspice · 19/11/2010 21:21

It's also clear that she has already booked hotels etc before she's requested the dates she wants. It feels like I'm just expected to say yes.
I have no family to support me with childcare and rely on one amazing friend for help however she has just retired and i feel it's really unfair to keep asking her.
I'm reluctant to rock the boat as she is fantastic and my child is treated as part of the family but it puts me in a very difficult position.
Has anyone else had experience of with this?

OP posts:
Memoo · 19/11/2010 21:22

Everyone is entitled to days off so yes, yabu

activate · 19/11/2010 21:23

childminder or nanny ?

if it's a childminder she just has to notify you (you don't get to approve it)

if it's a nanny, as an employer you owe her holidays and given notice of over a month you should say OK - if it's next week then understandable

usernamechanged345 · 19/11/2010 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thecaptaincrocfamily · 19/11/2010 21:26

As an ex childminder I say it depends how much notice she has given. Surely you had a contractual agreement when you started which states how much holiday eachs takes???
If she has given 6 weeks or so then YABVU
If she has given you a week then YANBU.

curlymama · 19/11/2010 21:27

She is allowed to book days off in the same way that everyone else is, so yabu. Maybe in the future though you could try and have a chat with her and see if you can get her to coincide with the days you don't mind or are going to be away anyway?

Jareth · 19/11/2010 21:28

YABU

SalFresco · 19/11/2010 21:29

YABU but I do understand. My childminder has in her contract that she will take 6 weeks holiday a year - this year she has decided to take them in one block and is off the whole of December and beginning of January. It's manageable for me, but one of the mums works full time in retail (no staff holidays in December allowed) and is tearing her hair out.

thecaptaincrocfamily · 19/11/2010 21:30

Like others have said if its a childminder then she has no need to 'authorise it' as she is self-employed not your employee.

Would you prefer she becomes so tired and overworked that she snaps with your child because her patience has run out Confused, which is why most people require a holiday!

Original poster
mummyspice · 19/11/2010 21:33

she sometimes only gives a couple of weeks notice having already booked something. Activate- didn't realise she only had to notify me! How in earth do you find this stuff out?

OP posts:
activate · 19/11/2010 21:35

childminders are self-employed - you are buying into a service - if it's not there you don't pay usually

  • look at your contract with her does she specify notice for holidays

you are not the employer of a childminder you are the customer

Memoo · 19/11/2010 21:35

Its like if your child was in a nursery and they decided to close for a day they don't have to ask your permission, just notify you, becuase you are not their emplyer, same with your CM

Original poster
mummyspice · 19/11/2010 21:35

Yes Salfresco - there is my biggest problem as i also work in retail and cannot get time off in Dec.

Captain - she's just had 2 weeks off.

I'm a very reasonable person really!

OP posts:
OTTMummA · 19/11/2010 21:39

If she is as good as you say, TBH you need her more than she needs you, so unless it was something like a weeks notice than i would let it slide.

Does your work have a notice period for you to arrange holiday etc.
If so, then tell her that you need at least the same amount of notification as your work does, otherwise your in the deep end etc, thats more than reasonable.

Am a bit Hmm that you think she has to ask your permission though!

Tarenath · 19/11/2010 21:39

YABU

She is a childminder and self employed. She doesn't need to 'request' before she books holiday. She just needs to give reasonable notice. However it might be a good idea to see if she has a network/childminding friends that she works with to arrange reciprocal holiday cover for the children she looks after?

Tarenath · 19/11/2010 21:42

Just read your update. A couple of weeks might be a bit short notice. I'm a nanny and it's in my contract that I need to give 4 weeks notice I think if I want to book off anything more than a couple of days at a time.

HappyMummyOfOne · 19/11/2010 21:44

Is a CM you're only option? Could you not use a nursery so as not to be messed around?

fedupofnamechanging · 19/11/2010 21:49

If she is taking the holiday entitlement as stated in her contract then you can't really object. If you don't have an amount of time agreed and she is taking lots of holidays then I can see why you are unhappy.

I think that she should give you 4 weeks notice and try to avoid times where you really can't take time off, as this does leave you in a difficult position with your own job.

I would definitely discuss with her the possibility of her finding a back up childminder to cover her holidays though. The reason you have a CM is so you can work. If she takes holidays at times when you are not allowed time off yourself, then she is not really fulfilling what you need from her and you might be better off finding someone else.

thecaptaincrocfamily · 19/11/2010 22:29

If she has taken her agreed holiday then it is her choice when she takes it. I do empathize as I now work full time, had to find cover yesterday and today as unfortunately my nanny had a car accident which was unavoidable. It happens, so you need to sort out backup. I would say that if you agreed 6 weeks per year and she takes 8 then she doesn't get paid for the extra though. I would never have charged for that.

thecaptaincrocfamily · 19/11/2010 22:31

Happymummy she isn't being messed around, the minder is having holiday! Nurseries have different problems such as sending home at the first sign of a sniffle, charging for whole sessions, not just the hours minded etc.

pointydog · 19/11/2010 22:43

SHe should be able to tell you well in advance when she plans to take holidays.

Otherwise it presents one huge difficulty.

pointydog · 19/11/2010 22:44

SOunds like she's pissing about a bit if she's already had two weeks off.

chipsncurrysauce · 19/11/2010 22:47

YANBU she is your slave and should respect her master. How dare she have a life!

HSMM · 19/11/2010 22:48

I am a CM and I have a condition in my contracts that I must give 4 weeks notice of holidays. I try and find backup care if parents need it, through the local network. Have a look in your contract to see what you have agreed. I could not take my hols at the same time as all the parents, because they don't all take holiday at the same time

pointydog · 19/11/2010 22:51

are you a cm, chips?

mamatomany · 19/11/2010 22:57

Hmm it's why I wouldn't ever use a childminder or a nanny they have you over a barrel especially if you already feel guilty working you'll put up with anything not to rock the boat.
I remember reading somewhere that a nanny was stealing the mothers clothes but the children loved the nanny so mother turned a blind eye. Think yourself lucky OP !