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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed when chidminder asks for days off?

38 replies

mummyspice · 19/11/2010 21:21

It's also clear that she has already booked hotels etc before she's requested the dates she wants. It feels like I'm just expected to say yes.
I have no family to support me with childcare and rely on one amazing friend for help however she has just retired and i feel it's really unfair to keep asking her.
I'm reluctant to rock the boat as she is fantastic and my child is treated as part of the family but it puts me in a very difficult position.
Has anyone else had experience of with this?

OP posts:

MumInBeds · 19/11/2010 22:58

I'm afraid that is the way many CMs work. There are some that work in teams so they can cover each other but not many.

ChippingIn · 20/11/2010 01:20

mamatomany I could say that I've heard that nursery staff abuse children so you shouldn't use a nursery.

OP - if you don't like the way things are have a look at your contract, see what you have agreed to and if it's what is happening. Then ask to speak to her and see if she can be persuaded to give you more notice and see if she can find other childminders who she can 'cover' with.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 20/11/2010 04:42

I'd check my contract regarding notice for leave dates and then have a chat with her. Our CM gave us her Christmas leave dates in October, so I was first for the the Christmas leave request at work. She's also off for 3 weeks at Easter, so plenty of time to work out how we're going to juggle that too.

I don't think it's unreasonable for her to give 4 weeks notice but under two weeks is tricky and I'd be annoyed unless it was an emergency or one-off.

As others have said, a nursery does have some benefits for this type of situation but you're most likely changing one annoying aspect for another. You could also look at finding another CM.

Our CM doesn't work with other CMers to cover eachother but inevitably meets them and will give us contact details for ones she knows if we're stuck. Maybe your CM could do the same.

marcopront · 20/11/2010 05:55

I must have been very lucky with my child minder as she told me her holiday dates a year in advance. I am a teacher and so have no flexibility but she had school age children and so would never take holiday in school time.
She also worked with another childminder so in an emergency I had alternative care.

autodidact · 20/11/2010 06:59

I think this is a swings and roundabouts thing and lots of the people on this thread have good points on both sides of the argument. We're changing from a really great childminder to (I hope) a(n equally great) nursery very soon. We have no issue whatsoever with our child's care from our childminder- she is excellent with our daughter and the nursery staff have a very hard act to follow. We are mostly moving our daughter because a place came up in a local nursery we like and places in nurseries we like (I am very picky on this) are like gold dust. My ideal would be to keep her with her childminder till age two or so and then think about nursery but there is a strong probability that no places would be available if we don't move her now, unfortunately.

But I must say I am coincidently very pleased that we will no longer have to use precious annual leave to cover the childminder's holidays. I have school-aged children as well as the baby and have spent barely any time with them recently because so much of my leave has been used covering the holidays of my childminder. She has pre-schoolers and, absolutely understandably, wants to take advantage of the cheaper holidays and less crowded conditions outside school holidays. It's such a balancing act, but I think that if the nursery can provide good enough care for my daughter, the move will benefit us as a whole family bigtime because it will be so much easier working to the nursery's mainstream timetable rather than my childminder's individual one, which quite often "clashes" with ours.

I just think that there are advantages and disadvantages to every form of care and while keeping children emotionally happy and well cared for is THE most important thing, it is amazing how much difference practical issues can amake too.

hairytriangle · 20/11/2010 08:23

I can't believe some of what I'm reading here! Two weeks notice is ample .... Cms have lives too!!!

SalFresco · 20/11/2010 08:34

Two weeks notice is certainly not ample for most workplaces, and if your CM takes holiday in December and you work in retail you are fucked.

No-one is saying CM's shouldn't have a life. No-one is saying they shouldn't take holiday. But given their whole business is based on caring for you children while you work, if their arrangements mean you are being caused huge childcare problems, this is incredibly frustrating. And it's not as simple as saying, "use a nursery" then - there are drawbacks to that too, and if you add in the fact that, as with the OP, your DC's often have a very strong bond with your CM, you will be very reluctant to change.

jamaisjedors · 20/11/2010 08:34

Does she have any cm friends who could take over?

Our cm always sorts out with a friend of ours who takes our DSs when she will be away or has an unavoidable appt.

We are aware that she is an angel .

PuppyMonkey · 20/11/2010 08:35

I agree that CMs need holidays too, but sorry I don't think 2 weeks is ample notice at all. That would leave me in the total shit with work if I had to suddenly book time off 2 weeks before to cover CM's leave. Say she informed me now that she was going to be off in 2 weeks, yikes I dread to think.

But yes it is something you have to consider if you go with a CM. We did it for first year when I went back after DD2, but tbh it was getting a prob having to fit in with CM. In the end we moved over to nursery and it's much easier all round.

Mishy1234 · 20/11/2010 08:40

Wow ChippingIn, nice comment...

Not really on the same level as what mammatomany said, is it?

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 20/11/2010 08:55

Well, it is, really "Oooh, I don't think using [method of childcare] is a good idea at all. Here's one random anecdote I've heard about one isolated incident..."

OP, what does your contract with the CM say about notice periods for holidays? As everyone's pointed out, you do not get to approve her holidays as she is self-employed, but you should get the agreed amount of notice. If you get to the point where you have no back-up and you have times of year when you absolutely cannot take leave yourself then a childminder just isn't the right form of childcare for you, because any childminder can take leave whenever he/she wants, given enough notice.

I agree that asking whether she has any CM friends who could cover in the short term is probably a good plan.

classydiva · 20/11/2010 10:01

Is this a contactural arrangement or more of a favour? If the latter then she could give you a weeks notice and you couldn't gripe about it.

Dlamis · 20/11/2010 10:18

I am a childminder and give parents 4 weeks notice of holiday so i/we have plenty of time to arrange alternative care.

I would not be taking more days off at short notice after a 2 week holiday unless there was a good reason.

Whether YABU or not depends on her reasons. Do you know if it's for another holiday. If it is then I don't think YABU to be annoyed but as other have said it is up to her when she takes them.

But it could be another reason she doesn't want to share, hospital appt etc?

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