To be annoyed that my MIL-to-be has requested that I call her 'mum'?

[KnockedUpMell]

I'm getting married in a weeks time and my MIL to be has asked (via fiancee) that I call her mum. To me that term is reserved for my mum, and I've offered to call
MIL 'mother' or any other alternative, but since her other DIL calls her 'mum' she's insisting only that term will do. I've refused on the basis that I don't like being told what to do, it doesnt feel natural to me, and she isn't very motherly (am already 21weeks and she hasn't ever asked me how I or the LO are doing, although she is happy to tell me what I should or shouldn't do at my wedding). AIBU?

yanbu

YANBU - stick to your guns.
What's wrong with her first name?

YANBU. She is not your mum. Is your DH going to start calling your mum 'mum'?

Nope,your Mum is your Mum.
She'll just have to get over it.
First names only here.

YANBU, don't call her mum, she's not your mum and it's not that usual these days. Just call her by her name, if anything at all, if she becomes a granny, so much the better, problem solved.

Good grief. Just tell her that you'll either have to call her by her first name or Mrs ---- whatever her surname is. She's free to choose either of those, but not 'mum'.

She shouldn't be telling you what to do. Nip it in the bud and make sure your dh learns how to stand up to her sharpish! He needs to know who's in charge and it's certainly NOT her!!!

But she isn't your mum, why on earth would you call her Mum?

I know my MIL would be happy for me to call her Mum, she feels very sorry for me because my mum died quite a while ago. But I call her by her first name, because it would just be weird

So YANBU

Tell her to get over it, lol! I call my MIL by her first name as she isn't my mum, mother etc...

That's just weird.

Either she's bonkers or just an extremely 'friendly' type who adores you as her her own daughter.

When she tells you what to do from now on just say 'Thankyou very much but it's my wedding and I'm deciding how it will be'etc.

Don't be soft.I was soft with my (extremely)rude MIL and made a rod for my own back.

I think this is a really outdated thing to do, I wouldn't do it, stick to your guns

Either way it is your choice. My SIL calls our MIL mum, and when I got married she told me that I could call her mum too.
I politely declined and explained that I have a mum and that I would be calling her by her name.

The ironic thing is that SIL hates MIL and always has so quite why she calls her mum is anyone's guess!

Why on earth would you? The woman is clearly barking . Call her by her name.

No way!! Don't need to have a discussion or anything, just continue calling her whatever it is you call her now - whether that's first name, MIL, old ratbag, whatever! But "mum" is for your mum, and that's it.

I never thought this was unusual as both of my parents called each others parents Mum & Dad although I now call my PIL by their names and my SIL calls my parents Granny & Grandad so it's probably not that common any more.

YANBU if you don't feel comfortable with it though. You should just explain that and maybe bring in that you think it would really upset your Mum if you think that would help. She's probably does mean well though.

I am quite at this. She's not your Mum. End of.

I think you were very generous to offer 'Mother' tbh. I would stick with first name and don't worry too much. As soon as your baby comes along, she'll just be called 'Grandma' in the third person anyway

YANBU - I would feel very uncomfortable at this too. The only person who is Mum is the woman who gave birth to me and brought me up.

YA so NBU

She is odd

Phew, glad to see all your comments are in support of me. Thought I was going crazy for a while, especially with DP telling me that its the norm in his family. As far as I can make out he has no intentions of calling my mum 'mum', and frankly i think she would be a little bit mortified if he did! One friend suggested making it my mission in life to get by without calling MIL anything... EVER... and just get along with clearling my throat or saying 'excuse me' . that does sound tempting!

Weird...my MIL calls DH and I "the kids" but I don't mind her lumping me in with her son...it's quite nice. Call MIL up and make a point of calling her by her own name.

She is trying to assert authority over you.

I's just say gently that it would upset your own mum, so you'd rather not do it. Let's face it, everone, even her DS, is probably going to be calling her Grandma soon anyway

I'd be a bit(no actually,alot)pissed off if my DCs called their MIL Mum.
I'm their Mum.
How would she feel if your DF calls your Mum Mum.

It isn't unusual to call your MIL Mum, however, it needs to come naturally not be demanded!! There's no way she should be asking you to do it... if she was Mumsy then her saying you are welcome to is one thing - telling your DH to tell you to is BARKING. Get your DF (soon DH) sorted about things like this now!

My MIL asked me to do this. I think people used to do this a long time ago!

I had a step mum and birth mum so I said
"I already have 2 Mums, I think that's enough. It will get really confusing!" Then I asked if it would be ok to call her by her first name.

I also like Wreckofthes suggestion of saying it would upset your mum.

Whatever you decide, just stick to your guns, she cant make you call her mum!

My MIL said I could call her mum if I liked, but I just said I'd rather not as I'd feel odd - I've always just called her by her first name. It's fine of her to offer, but you shouldn't call her it if you're not comfortable about it.