To be annoyed that my MIL-to-be has requested that I call her 'mum'?

[KnockedUpMell]

I'm getting married in a weeks time and my MIL to be has asked (via fiancee) that I call her mum. To me that term is reserved for my mum, and I've offered to call
MIL 'mother' or any other alternative, but since her other DIL calls her 'mum' she's insisting only that term will do. I've refused on the basis that I don't like being told what to do, it doesnt feel natural to me, and she isn't very motherly (am already 21weeks and she hasn't ever asked me how I or the LO are doing, although she is happy to tell me what I should or shouldn't do at my wedding). AIBU?

I've called my MIL Mum pretty much from the moment I met her. I know that DH said she was really pleased I wanted to call her Mum, but she would never have asked.

YellowDaffodil Thats what dh does!

Even after all this time he will say "Sarah's mum would you like a cup of coffee?"

Our poor kids have no bloody chance do they?

weird woman.
I dont even call my mum 'mum'. she doesnt deserve that title.
I dont call my step mum 'mum' either in spite of the fact she's done that job for nearly 30 years. she deserves it, but it would just be odd.
ignore the request. dont call her anything if possible, but certainly dont call her mum if you dont want to !

YANBU - my SIL calls my ML mum, she started the day she married my BIL, and I hate it, I love my mum so much and feel the title is reserved for her.

When we are at family gatherings I do feel strange that she sits calling her mum, while I call her by her name, my SIL definitely is more popular than me I wonder why

YANBU. I can't imagine calling anyone but my mother mum. It's just creepy to call anyone else that (unless of course they are really close to you and actually brought you up).

Ignore because in a few more weeks she will be Granny/Nana/....... and even her DS will drop the Mum in favour of whatever the GM name choice will be.
My Mum is known as Granny E by everyone now

notpartofthelifeplan

I have exactly the same situation! I don't know if MIL has noticed that I don't call her anything, but she would certainly like me to call her mum.

I don't think it is weird in principle, but the OP's MIL sounds like she is BU about it.

I don't think it's creepy or wrong to call a MIL 'mum', I think it can be a really nice sign of affection. Both only if it feels natural to both parties. For anyone to insist on it is rude and selfish.

You are well within your rights to refuse. Ask her whether she would like to be known as her first name or Mrs x or whatever, but make it clear 'Mum' is not an option.

Even my DH calls his parents by their names!

Maybe this is why my MIL has taken to referring to herself as granny - cherishing the few years before my DS accepts the (as I see it) not-very-tender example of ditching "mum", and starts calling her by her name!

Poor woman! She still doesn't ask me to call her Mum, though, and is very thoughtful about my mother.

This was causing angst at least as far back as the 1930s (see below) and hence has been abandoned in most families. I think it was supposed to be lower middle class. Perhaps the Q is worried that KM will want to call her 'mum' (initials only to avoid annoying those who are sheltering from the RW threads)

Quote from The Pursuit of Love (from memory so not accurate);
'In the first flush of of love she agreed to call Mrs Kroesig 'Mother', and spent the rest of her married life trying to get out of it by communicating with her only by telegram and addressing her as 'you'.'

Just tell that you are not comfortable with it. I just call mine by their names. How old is she? My DSs friends have always called me by my first name, so getting a wife (if they ever have one)to call me 'mum' would be weird.

My mil suggested I call her mum2.
I just replied straight back 'god no' without thinking.
You only have one mum.
Wierdo! (your mil not you)

I'm not allowed to call my PIL by their names - was told I had to use the same my husband does. I refused to call them mummy and daddy - I already have my own - so compromised on Mama and Papa. In reality I don't use those either and just avoid calling them anything! Even worse was when they decided that my hubby can't call my parents by their names (it's what they want BTW) and that my BILs should also call them "mum and pops" - my parents were raging! Can't wait till baby comes so I can just call my PIL granny and grandad!

I don't know why you let them get away with it confusedcat. I generally stick up for PIL but that it is mad to tell your adult DS what he calls someone else! I suggest he stands up to them. Your parents ought to rage to BIL and tell him they are not having it!!
If my DSs get married their wives will call me by my name-like everyone else.

confusedcat - bloody hell - some people truely are barking!!! I'd be telling them to sod off you are your own person, not an apendage to your DH.

Confuse everyone and start calling her Milly

Have a child as soon as possible - than you can officially call her "granny". That's what I do!!

I have a very odd MIL who was born and raised as "Sheila" but then rather randomly about five years ago, at the age of 60, she changed her name to Carolyn. And I can honestly say that in all the time she has been round to our house etc since the name change, I have never had to actually address her as "Carolyn." Have skilfully avoided it somehow, don't know how. So you never know, maybe the "mum" thing will never be an issue.

Btw, she changed her surname too. All properly by deed poll etc. Very mysterious and DP never has managed to find out why.

She is very odd.

Am well aware of the craziness there! Funnily enough our mothers haven't exactly been best mates after my mum made it clear she wasn't going to stand for it! In their case it's cultural I think (Indian family whereas we are white British). At least it's "Culture" that gets trotted out when we object!

If she's insisting it sounds like she's attempting to lay down the law. YANBU though I would never call my MIL mum. One mum is enough, ta very much!

Well, she can request, but you don´t have to.

I also don´t call my ILs anything.

When I see them I just talk directly to them.

My husband calls my parents mum and dad. I call his mum mum, when I see her. Which is twice in 13 years (she lives in kenya).

For my husband it is a cultural thing, sign of respect. Me, I do it because it makes an old lady feel respected.

Although when you think about it, it's odd.

she's your mum, she's my mum, she's our mum brother-husband

Whoever came up with the call each other's parents mum and dad thing, didn't think it through

My own mum never resolved what to call her in laws and spent forty years refering to 'Pete's mum' or 'Pete's dad' when speaking about them to other people. Even as a child I found it weird. She somehow managed to avoid using their names when speaking directly to them. Calling them by their first names would have been out of the question for my rather prim and propper grandmother. Strange how my dad had no problems calling my mum's parents by their first names, but they were a much more relaxed family.

I could never call my MIL anything but her actual name.

My MIl and FIL told me to do this, and not to use their christian names.

I spent 20 years calling them "Oy".

I called them Mum and Dad, when I thought of them as such.

I agree it is not a throw away, given to anyone.

Stick to your guns.