To be annoyed that my MIL-to-be has requested that I call her 'mum'?

[KnockedUpMell]

I'm getting married in a weeks time and my MIL to be has asked (via fiancee) that I call her mum. To me that term is reserved for my mum, and I've offered to call
MIL 'mother' or any other alternative, but since her other DIL calls her 'mum' she's insisting only that term will do. I've refused on the basis that I don't like being told what to do, it doesnt feel natural to me, and she isn't very motherly (am already 21weeks and she hasn't ever asked me how I or the LO are doing, although she is happy to tell me what I should or shouldn't do at my wedding). AIBU?

DH's father suggested I call him Dad once. I still can't tell if he was joking or not. I continue to call him by his first name. I have a Dad already so would preer not to confuse matters.

Hopefully he's not super insulted!

It's the 'telling' you what to call them i think is so off.
If it's christian names then that's ok but 'Mum' and 'Dad' is up to you not them.

I think the difficulty is that the other DIL has set a precedent in calling her 'mum', and I'm going to turn out to be the black sheep when we have a family get together and she is everyone's mum, but 'first name' to me. I think I am going to make it a point to not call her anything, and try to get away with that. It's more the fact that she made it clear it was expected of me rather than making it an offer of using it if i felt comfortable with it.. And I got really annoyed when she refused my offer of an alternative. I would have been happy to meet her halfway by calling her 'mother' etc, but the fact that she refused it has made me think her reasoning behind insisting upon it is to do with asserting authority. thanks for all the support though!

Very weird and controlling to insist on it. Just keep saying, "But you're not my mum" over and over.

My mum used to call her in-laws Mum and Dad and even as it child it really annoyed me. I thought it must be upsetting for my lovely Gran to hear her daughter call someone else Mum and Dad, especially as my mum's Dad died young. And my dad's parents were a right miserable stuck up pair.

Interestingly my dad called my Gran by her first name.

YANBU. My MIL asked if I was going to call her mum when we got married as she has always wanted a girl to call her mum given she has only DH and his brother but no daughters. I said no that I would find this strange as she was not my mum so would prefer to stick with her first name which I had always used and continue to use. FIL and DH agreed with me thankfully!

My SIL calls my mum "mum" and my mum finds it a bit weird - SIL's choice - not encouraged by my mum at all.

Mell, please don't worry about being the 'Black sheep' over this... when the kids come along, there will be plenty of other things to disagree about. Get used to putting your foot down now or your life will be a living hell!!

I think it comes more naturally when you are younger perhaphs and especially if you get together when your other half still lives at home & you spend a lot of time with them - you kind of slip into the habit. But it should be offered/accepted not demanded.

Is it just me, or if you both you and DH-to-be call her "mum", is it not a bit like you'd be brother and sister? Weird.

I had a boyfriend once who employed "just look and talk" tactics re girlfriend's parents, so he never had to think about what he might be supposed to call them. Maybe you could do that.

I always used first names-I agree you only have one Mum-my own mum called her m-i-l MrsW all her life and they got on well enough.My d-i-l's call me by my first name which seems natural to me.