work wierdities

[NewbeeMummy]

ok, this is all a bit odd and makes me feel like I'm back in high school, so please bare with me...

At my company there are a group of about 6 of us who get on fairly well, we all have the same sense of humour, and although we don't see each other outside of work we tend to all have lunch together a couple of times a week, have a good laugh, and some slightly warped conversations.

Recently a new lady has joined our company, and although I've never spent any time with her the others have commented about her being a bit odd, I think nothing of it until today.

We're all having our lunch at one of the tables in the kitchen and the conversation had sunk to it's normal low level, when this new lady joins us at the table (no issue with that), but then after about a minute butts in mid conversation and says she doesn't like the topic of conversation, so we all just sit there in silence not quite sure how to react. She then left and went off to speak to her manager (about what I have no idea)

The question is what do we do, this event has left us all feeling a bit unsure of what to do next, we don't want to exclude her, but at the same time, we want the break from work and just some time to have a bit of a laugh. Do we apologise to her, do we just ignore it, do we change our lunch routine?

I feel so stupid being in this situation given we're all mid 30's adults, but this has left us all feeling a bit like we're in high school.

Well, it depends a bit what the "normal low level" of conversation is - if it's something that the average person would find obscene/objectionable then that's one thing. If it was just silly then that's another IYSWIM?

If it's the work kitchen, then anyone who works there needs to be able to sit in the room and not feel intimidated or insulted etc by a conversation going on in the room. But since you can't always guess what people might find offensive you have to think of the "average" sort of person, and whether they would have a problem.

Yes - see what you mean. When someone takes on that parental role what do you do to bring it back to adult-adult from parent-child?

It kind of depends what sort of things you were joking about.

I mean, sometimes my friends and I will make pretty off-key jokes about rape or aids or race, but only because we've known each other for 10+ years and we all know each other well enought to know that we absolutely don't mean it. We would never joke about things like that outside of the 'circle of trust' in case anyone who didn't know us as well got the wrong idea.

So if you were pushing the PC envelope, I could understand if an 'outsider' got offended that you hadn't adjusted your conversation to her presence accordingly.

However, if you were just being a bit liberal with the swearing or talking about general sex stuff, then as long as you weren't being overtly offensive or pornographic, she should get a grip and it's weird.

Strange that she would be so willing to alienate herself as well. Most people wouldn't react so divisively for fear of not being accepted or fitting in. So maybe she's an oddball anyway.

More info needed. What were you talking about? (nosey smiley needed!)

I don't think the topic was that bad to be honest, we were actually just discussing a local company that sells adult movies into hotels, and that they had staff their that had to review it as their job, the guys joked that it would be a dream job.

to be honest, it was a fairly tame conversation by our normal standards, we've discussed much worse, and never had any issues.

During those pregnant pauses you could say, "more tea vicar"?

..."one lump or two."

:o @ Animation

Arf arf.

She sounds like a bit of a prude. Screw her (not literally), it's not as if she's the bloddy conversation police is it?

*bloody

I would have thought that "if it offends you then there are other tables you can sit at" of in my case "if you dont like it then piss off"

Job done

@Madonna - I didn't hear this, but she has told off one of the girls in our group before as she has a bit of a pink obsession and had a pink crystal on her desk, I don't know what exactly was said, but she hasn't had it on her desk since (this was in her first week of joining the company).

That doesn't sound particularly objectionable as a topic then - fairly standard adult conversation.

Hmmm...I thought it was all women...I don't think I would be comfortble with new males colleagues talking about porn...

@ Newwave - I must admit that's my normal reaction to these things, but I don't work with her where as the others do, so I didn't want to make matters worse.

@ ForMash - I can see your point of view, but if that was the case would you just not remove yourself from the situation, if everyone else seemed comfortable with it?

And it really didn't get any worse than just a simple joke of, oh that would be a dream job

tbh I'd have been a bit cats-bumfaced too

You go into work, you sit down with all new people and then one of the men says that their dream job is to get paid to watch pornography

These are people she doesn't know - it's not appropriate to have those conversations at work in front of people you don't know.

You all could have been a lot more professional and more welcoming. Maybe give her a chance to know you before you all bring on the cock jokes.

It's only polite to check out someones sense of humour first before you embarass them.

In our organisation (10,000+ staff) anyone holding those conversations in works canteen would be brought up on it if overheard - the HR stance is that it creates a culture of acceptance of the kind of behaviour that we would not like to promote.

The general rule of thumb is that if you are on work premises or out on a work event then you keep your conversation neutral - if you wouldn't like the chairman of the company overhearing you then it's not a suitable conversaton to be having.

This kind of stuff is quoted in discrimination cases all the time.

@ Laurie - I could understand if we'd done it deliberately, but she did just plonk herself down mid conversation with even a "do you mind" which we all do, even though we all know each other well.

Newbee, she is new so she needs to fit in with your "gang" not everyone else to her requirements.

I'm not a prude, and I certainly do toilet humour, but I must say I would feel extremely uncomfortable listening to men talking about pornography. But then I have a massive issue with the porn industry and how it represents women and sex.

Squiffy, "keep conversation neutral" wtf is that! who do you work for, the thought police ?. As for the Chairman he shouldnt be listening to other peoples conversations.

Fair enough if someone is shouting it out but at normal conversation level if you dont like the subject then walk away.

It's really interesting to see the different points of views, and I think that's why as a group we're torn on what to do, all of us have admitted to feeling there is a side that feels we should apologise, but another side that thinks well if you don't like it you can bugger off (that's obviously the same side that sticks it's tounge out and goes nah nah)

I do see your point Squiffy, maybe we should take some of our lunches off site, as it could possibly cause issues down the line.

Newbee, apologise! what for. Was she even invited to join you.

She sounds like a right po faced %$£&" dont you dare apologise.