work wierdities

[NewbeeMummy]

ok, this is all a bit odd and makes me feel like I'm back in high school, so please bare with me...

At my company there are a group of about 6 of us who get on fairly well, we all have the same sense of humour, and although we don't see each other outside of work we tend to all have lunch together a couple of times a week, have a good laugh, and some slightly warped conversations.

Recently a new lady has joined our company, and although I've never spent any time with her the others have commented about her being a bit odd, I think nothing of it until today.

We're all having our lunch at one of the tables in the kitchen and the conversation had sunk to it's normal low level, when this new lady joins us at the table (no issue with that), but then after about a minute butts in mid conversation and says she doesn't like the topic of conversation, so we all just sit there in silence not quite sure how to react. She then left and went off to speak to her manager (about what I have no idea)

The question is what do we do, this event has left us all feeling a bit unsure of what to do next, we don't want to exclude her, but at the same time, we want the break from work and just some time to have a bit of a laugh. Do we apologise to her, do we just ignore it, do we change our lunch routine?

I feel so stupid being in this situation given we're all mid 30's adults, but this has left us all feeling a bit like we're in high school.

She's not in the office today, so will try inviting her to join us for lunch and finding out a bit more about her next week, I'm not going to force her to, if she doesn't want to join us, then at least we've made the effort.

It is sooo hard to get the balance right. I've worked with companies that have ended up resorting to a "no idle chit chat" policy because things got sooo bad. I would guess that in this case it is quite obvious what the issue with the conversation was, alot of people would find discussing matters of an adult nature at work inappropriate and some of them would indeed find it offensive, but it isn't always that clear cut. Asking the offended employee " What the problem is?" is clearly adding to the harassment they already feel but obviously if she raises a formal grievance this will come out in the investigation anyway.

Many people feel aggrieved that they have to tone down there behaviour to cater for others sensitivities, especially when they think what they are doing is harmless, but when it comes to matters of employment employers have a duty to take complaints seriously and ensure that staff modify their behaviour or face the consequences of a tribunal further down the line.

Newbee Mummy ....I think your along the right lines - interrogating her will just make matters worse, but making polite conversation might just do the trick - but don't be too surprised if she turns down your lunch offer.