work wierdities

[NewbeeMummy]

ok, this is all a bit odd and makes me feel like I'm back in high school, so please bare with me...

At my company there are a group of about 6 of us who get on fairly well, we all have the same sense of humour, and although we don't see each other outside of work we tend to all have lunch together a couple of times a week, have a good laugh, and some slightly warped conversations.

Recently a new lady has joined our company, and although I've never spent any time with her the others have commented about her being a bit odd, I think nothing of it until today.

We're all having our lunch at one of the tables in the kitchen and the conversation had sunk to it's normal low level, when this new lady joins us at the table (no issue with that), but then after about a minute butts in mid conversation and says she doesn't like the topic of conversation, so we all just sit there in silence not quite sure how to react. She then left and went off to speak to her manager (about what I have no idea)

The question is what do we do, this event has left us all feeling a bit unsure of what to do next, we don't want to exclude her, but at the same time, we want the break from work and just some time to have a bit of a laugh. Do we apologise to her, do we just ignore it, do we change our lunch routine?

I feel so stupid being in this situation given we're all mid 30's adults, but this has left us all feeling a bit like we're in high school.

Continue to be yourselves. Keep voices down so that she can't be forced to overhear if she doesn't want to and hopefully in time she'll realise you're all lovely people.

Newbee Mummy....but then that would be effectively forcing her out...and for reasons which are not ok.

I get the idea that their are not a lot of employees...so only one area to sit. What is this woma meant to do? Go and sit on the step because she does not want to hear strangers talking about porn?

Chat and get to know her ?

Will be really simple to get the answer to this and many other questions with a very friendly and light grilling chat.

Maybe she is prudish/weird.

Mash, she is forcing herself out, and what "strangers" talk about is not her business.

She's at work though newave...not sitting on a bus...she should not have to listen to seual talk in her place of work. End of.

cumfy...I am not prudish but I dont like to hear things like this from grown men...it makes some women very uncomfortable.

I'm going to sound like the fun police, but I'm with Squiffy. This sort of stuff does come up in discrimination cases all the time, and it can be harassment even if it is not directed at a particular person.

TBH, I think maybe a group of you who are close and have the same sense of humour have developed ways of talking and joking that aren't really appropriate for an office setting. Sometimes it takes someone new coming in to see that.

Oh don't get me wrong I would find it incredibly immature for mid-30s.

Mash & Ribena, if there is only the one table and she cannot sit anywhere else then you may have a point but if other tables are available then she should move away from the conversation. Bearing in mind this is at a lunchtime which is normally unpaid i cannot see what it has to do with anyone else, it was a private conversation which she inserted herself in and appeared to have not been invited into the group.

If the "gang" start to go to the pub/cafe for lunch to avoid her she will have nothing to complain about but i suspect she would be upset.

Sorry been sorting out dinner and getting home.

The company has about 150 employees in the building and the kitchen area is quite large with loads of other tables. To be perfectly honest if she hadn't sat at the table she wouldn't even have heard the conversation, it's not like we were talking loudly, we do appreciate that other people may not want to hear our odd conversations.

The other people have made an effort to talk to her and get to know her as they work in the same team, but she typically just blanks them.

@cumfy I am fully aware that our conversations are far from mature, but it's just a giggle and a bit of light relief from our fairly stressful work environment.

I think it's pretty unprofessional and childish to be joking about wanking over porn at work.

I wouldn't have said anything, but I would have a pretty low opinion of you all.

If I were in your shoes I would most certainly have apologised.

I can see this from your point of view OP - it is your lunchbreak, your own time ( i assume you don't get paid over lunch), and you can talk about what you like...

HOWEVER... with Harriet harperson's new equality legislation in place, your employer could face a tribunal for causing this employee offence (the conversation taking place on their premises). IMHO this legislation is going to cause all sorts of problems, with money grabbing lawyers touting for business in this area as they currently do for accidents (have YOU been offended at work lately?)

For the sake of your employer I would suggest you tone down the conversation.

Agree marlin.

We had diversity training and the fact that you were on an unpaid lunch break doesn't come into it. You were in the office, with work colleagues. You need to be more careful.

She's probably done you a favour tbh.

I'm not normally that poefaced about this kind of stuff but people have a right to work in an environment that doesn't involved listening to this kind of thing.

I'm a bit about the poster who laughs about HIV and race with their mates as well though.

Oh, and rape, double

I think you will find that those women who work in the porn industry actually laugh at those who pay to watch it, buy it or pay to have some of it.

They earn a fortune and choose to do the job they do because they get paid what they get paid.

Wow classydiva, quite shocked you believe that.

Did you have no idea that trafficed women are forced to appear in porn films?

There's the type of "gallows" humour that goes on amongst police officers, paramedics and so on, which is mostly to do with de-stressing. Understandable in a way, given some of the situations they have to deal with, and they generally keep that to themselves.

You don't mention what your stressful work environment involves, but if it's an ordinary stressful situation then your bantering at lunchtime should reflect that - light-hearted, but certainly not something an outsider would feel uncomfortable listening to. By the sounds of it, that new colleague was perfectly reasonable to think she could join you at lunch and have an interesting conversation.

Weird would be things like Dr Who or whatever. A dream job of checking adult movies isn't weird, it's inappropriate.

I'm with you, Newbee - it comes to something when you can't unwind with inappropropriate banter & old friends without fear of HR bollockings. (Am assming you don't spend every lunch time discussing the porn industry though!)

Hate to think what casual observers would make of our random ramblings over tea breaks...

Marlin speaks sense. The new policies are going to kill such conversations.
We are very a fun group of 8 and are often told to keep it down.

Conversation topic aside, isn't it just a bit unwelcoming and cliquey to ignore a new staff member and expect them to feel comfortable in an 'in joke' sort of atmosphere, rather than including them, introducing them to people and helping them settle in before deciding what they are like, and resuming your normal relaxed conversation?

Maybe she is the Chair - what's that programm where they send the CEO amongst the workfore in disguise!

Blimey, sounds like you were all just discussing the hotel porn story, not condoning it.

Some people just love being offended - why couldn't she just join in and express her views openly? Better to have an open honest debate than complaining to managers (if that's what she did).

I hate telltales.

"why couldn't she just join in and express her views openly?"

From the OP:

"then after about a minute butts in mid conversation and says she doesn't like the topic of conversation"