to think this isn't 'pervy'

[Utterboobup]

Namechaged obviously. Just in case I am BU


This morning, ds (20 months) was in bed with me as usual - he wakes at 4 am, comes in my bed and goes back to sleep for another couple of hours.

And, as usual, we started playing etc after much jumping, he performs his favourite thing and lifts up my top to blow raspberries on my tummy! Cue huge giggles from both of us :o

After repeating many times he lifts my top higher then normal and exposes on of my breasts. With that, he has a stupid grin on his face, giggles and presses my nipple with his index finger saying 'beep' (this is what he does when pressing the button at traffic lights)

We both dissolve into giggles and he repeats it 2 or 3 times before I pull my top down and tickle him. I stopped because a) he was getting rough with his excitement and b) it was too cold and said nipple was in danger of freezing off!


Now,I just recounted this mornings antics to my sister and she was horrified!

She said it was 'highly inappropriate' 'perverted' and surely going to set him up for some kind of mother complex.....

She warned me not to tell anyone else because it would seem like abuse and SS may get called

Is she right?

Am I just not seeing how wrong this was?

To me it seemed harmless fun and it's not like I intend to make this part of our morning routine and still whip my boob out when he's 5!

[Firawla]

cant believe every single person is saying sil is so wrong etc
i mean if you want to play that kind of things with your ds then fine and up to you, but personally for my dc no way - as your sis said i would find it inappropriate. there are so many things you can play, and ways to show affection why does the child have to play with your nipples i just dont see the need?
ffs @ comments saying oh if sis does not play like this i feel sorry for her kids, how cold she must be unaffectionate
some people seem to think the nuder u are then the better parent you must be! a bit ridiculous imo. not everyone is into nudity, and there is no need for it anyway, dc can have a good upbringing and happy childhood without having to frolick around the place naked just to show "oh we are so casual and happy with our bodies"
as for the 17 yr old that is very wrong, not sure how people can justify it tbh
the younger dc i think there is a difference between breastfed and non breastfed, in a way (well to me there is) like a 2 yrs old breastfeeding is fine as thats for the sake of their milk and they have been doing it since birth, so fine it is normal. but a 2 yrs old thats not been breastfed since a young age, then i dont see the need for them to be using the breasts as a toy really

what your sister is probably thinking is that when children are encouraged 2 play with parents or adults private parts how are they going to draw the line, so that they know what is appropriate and what is not

[StealthPoHoHoHo]

so how would you feel if the 20mo was still being breastfed?

[APixieInMyTea]

YANBU.

happy would you feel differently if it was 2 teenage girls?

[APixieInMyTea]

FWIW my ds1 is 19months, stopped breast feeding at 6months and he does the beep beep thing on my nipples.

I am bf ds2 though and ds1 is just interested. Nothing wrong with that as far as I see.

[HappySlapper]

APixieInMyTea No, I'd still think the same. I have a 13yr old dd and a 5yr old ds and I think it's inappropriate for either of them to be in bed if I'm naked. I walk around the house naked, and they both come into my bed for cuddles, and sometimes to sleep, but I have pjs on when they do. It's not even that I think it's particularly sexual, just inappropriate.

[DreamTeamGirl]

Firwala what would you do if your 2 year old 'beeped' your nipple and laughed? Slap his hand away and tell it was dirty and rude?
nipples arent private parts, and 2year olds grow up soon enough to realise what is and isnt right and appropriate -and where

[Curiousmama]

This thread is getting very british

[LoveBeingAMummy]

And what should I be telling my 2.5 yr old dd when she does the beep beep thing to herself and laughs? And when she gets into bed with us and does it to dh? I should slap away her hand for touching my husband?!?!?

[Witchcat]

I am still bf my son at 21 months and he not only tuns the radio in with the other nipple but he also blows rassberries on the boob he is feeding on and smiles then milk runs out of his mouth and then hes back to feeding.

At 15 months my son even tried feeding from my husband and we had to explain that only mummys have milk but it was very funny

I too think this thread is getting very british. There is nothing wrong with children exploring and playing with bodies. I intend to be very open and honest about bodies and sex and may be we will not have any teenage pg in our family?

I think its worth a try anyway

[deepheat]

Sorry OP, but this is disgusting. Next thing you know he'll want you to kiss him goodnight!!!

[Diziet]

YANBU, I certainly don't see the problem with it. We're somewhere in between at Diziet Acres.
Different strokes for different folks, as they say.

[HelenLG]

OMG not KISSING!!!

[noyoucant]

The OP's behaviour isn't pervy. But a 17 year old cuddling his naked mother in bed...

[Lulabel27]

I too am also surprised at the number of people instantly calling the sister a cold hearted evil mummy and they feel sorry for her children (or words to that effect). I would never slap the hand away as LoveBeingAMummy suggests but I wouldn't necessarily encourage it either. If the child isn't BFing there really is no need to treat the breasts as playtoys.

As for the 15 and 17yr old. I'm lost for words...

[HappySlapper]

Thank fuck for the last 2 posters. I was starting to think it was me

[SkylineDrifter]

Me too HappySlapper. It's quite beyond me that any young man would want to get into bed with his naked mother, and I don't consider myself particularly narrow-minded. Casual nudity or semi-nudity around the home, as you go from bedroom to bathroom, etc is different, but to physically get into bed together is a little bit strange, imo.

As for the OP, as I said, enjoy it if you're happy with it. It isn't necessarily something I would have encouraged when my children were small, but there's nothing wrong with it really.

[deepheat]

Wouldn't say the sister is cold hearted, evil etc but I do think she's over-reacting. I imagine that the thought process for the DC goes something like:

There's Mummy's tit.
Mummy's tit looks like a button.
I like buttons.
I'm going to pretend its a button.

There's nothing wrong or sinister about that and there's nothing that needs correcting. There may come a point where he needs to be told that you don't play with women's tits (unless you're a great deal older and have prior invitation ) but the chances are that by then his thought processes will be slightly more developed than the one above and he'll have worked it out for himself.

Re the 15/17 yr olds. Yup, IO find that strange, but for it to be wrong then there would need to be something inherently sexual about the contact and I think that this is very unlikely. Let's celebrate difference.

[PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice]

so, if its OK at 17, where do you draw the line - is it OK for a 21 yr old - to still want a naked cuddle with his mum? when he's had a row with the GF or DW and needs a cuddle

OMG thats unreal

and perfectly OK for a 17 year old girl to naked cuddle her dad then?

SS would have a field day here! sorry, thats not to be joked about - but I am def in the "OP was Ok, 17 yo NOT ok" camp

my DS aged 5 is a mummys boy, so sweet and so affectionate, but I know I will have to let him grow up and that at some point well before the age of 17, we will not be so open and natural as we are now. thats not prudish or up tight, its normal

[Utterboobup]

Blimey - I'm gone for a few hours and all sorts is going on

Just waiting on the kettle and then I'll play catch up :)

[Utterboobup]

Just caching up - Miggsie your poor DH but well done him on the loss!

[motherbeyond]

my 3 are at mne all the time.they are4,2 and 6 months.i am bf the baby and the other day the others started chanting,"we want to suck your BOOOOOOOOBIIIIIES!"
your sister would probably hyperventilate if she witnessed events in chez beyond!

[perfumedlife]

YANBU Enjoy this oh so short lovely time of innocence. Sister is way too uptight

[Utterboobup]

Ok - has anyone else been thinking 'bitttty'?

No? Ok - sorry

[Utterboobup]

In all seriousness- I think I'd be ok with 17 yo ds sitting on my bed if I was naked and had the covers pulled up. But I'm not sure about in it tbh.

I was raised with 4 brothers and none of them would have done this at 17 - they were bashful about it despite my mum being fairly open.

I have come to the conclusion that ds and I were simply having fun and whilst I'll not actively encourage this by shimmying my naked boobs in front of him, I'd never discipline him for it - I don't know how long I'd allow it to happen for though. I'll draw that line when we get to it :o


And my mum agrees - it was hilarious and we laughed about it while my sister pulled a cats arse face!

[Onetoomanycornettos]

I wouldn't worry about feeding a two year old, but personally I didn't encourage my two to play with my boobs, because I don't like it. If they pressed my nipple, or poked me (which actually hurts to me), then I wouldn't slap their hand away, or say 'it's disgusting', I'd laugh, but say 'no, don't do that, it's private and mummy doens't like people poking her breasts'. My two used to love breastfeeding, but playing with my breasts is just not something I want to encourage, they are not family playthings, and I also realised very quickly that if they did that at home, they would do it when out. I don't think they are going to be hung up, just as I say if they are playing with themselves 'oh, that's fun, but you need to do it when you are on your own'. I never thought I was being prudish in the past, just teaching normal social boundaries of behaviour, but this thread has shown me these differ massively.