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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed with DH this morning....

54 replies

toastandeggs · 11/11/2010 08:02

So its 6 am and ive been up alot of the night with DD's (2.5 & 5mths), they're not very good sleepers, but DH can sleep through anything and does! so he always has a full nights sleep...

Anyway so he doesnt have to leave for work til 6;45 and it takes him 10 minutes to get ready so i say to him ' i was up alot in the night im going to sleep in until the kids wake up, you'll have to do your own pack lunch today'

Well he was huffing and puffing all because he had to put bread and butter with fruit in a bag!

he then left for anouncing 'well i didnt have time for cereal because of this'

i was really annoyed!

How many of you actually do DP or DH pack lunch for him or does he do it himself?

Sorry rant over!

OP posts:

CwtchyBlueMama · 11/11/2010 08:03

Tell him to sod off,in future he will be making his own packed lunch.

How old is he? 6?

Rosedee · 11/11/2010 08:05

My dp does his own lunch.your dh was being a bit childish imo.

YunoYurbubson · 11/11/2010 08:06

Ha! I'm afraid after that I would never make his sandwiches again.

Seriously though, I think I would perfectly pleasantly and kindly explain that you making his lunch for him is a FAVOUR and you did it TO BE NICE, not because you have a duty to make his sandwiches. His huffiness on having to do it himself after you had a terrible night with your children has shown you that he doesn't appreciate it and doesn';t deserve it, so he can make his own from now on.

Smile sweetly.

Never think about it again.

StrikeUpTheBand · 11/11/2010 08:07

YANBU at all. My DP does this. Never once got up in the night with DC and is totally useless at sorting his own stuff. Wakes me up after a very hard night being awoken lots to ask me where his trousers are. Oh I dunno DP, probably where ou dropped them on the floor the night before .

Ignore his moaning as frustrating as it is. And no, you don't have to pack his lunch - he could have done it the night before could he not?

ttalloo · 11/11/2010 08:09

YANBU - he's being a twerp.

I make my DH's packed lunch when I do the DCs' (it's one of the many simple tasks, like ironing, that my MIL failed to teach him to do), but he's learnt not to complain if I don't make it, whether it's because we've run out of bread or time, or I just don't like him enough to go to the trouble.

HSMM · 11/11/2010 08:11

I've made DH a packed lunch when we're going on a picnic, but that's it. I don't even make my 11 yr old DD's lunch, she does it herself.

ScroobiousPip · 11/11/2010 08:11

Why are you making his lunch? You already have a FT job looking after the children. It's his lunch, he should make it (unless he makes yours in return? ).

overmydeadbody · 11/11/2010 08:12

What?

That is terrible.

The only thing I can recommend is that you never ever make his packed lunch again. I cannot believe you have been doing that.

WhyIsThatThen · 11/11/2010 08:13

I do my DH some fruit, not because he expects it but because I prepare some for DD to take to school. If he wants more than that he has to get it. On the very odd occasion I will have some homemade soup that DD takes to have at break time so I will warm DH some too and put it in a flask but if he wants bread he gets it.

I think 'rod for ones own back' is applicable here and I think most of us are guilty of causing this kind of scenario from time to time.

Have a word with him, you have two very small children who keep you awake at night and need to catch up with your sleep. Maybe suggest to DH that he gets up tonight with the children and then you will make his lunch in the morning. As for the cereal, put out a box of breakfast bars. The poor lazy man needs some fuel!

If the above doesn't work then tough titties, he won't allow himself to starve

No, YABU!

Original poster

toastandeggs · 11/11/2010 08:13

oh strikeup he does the clothes thing too- he will undoughtly be doing his own lunch from now on, and yes definatly be saying it with a lovely smile after :)

OP posts:

Gay40 · 11/11/2010 08:17

I have a rule in my house. If I do a nice thing or favour or kindness type thing that goes unthanked, unappreciated or complained about (the wrong sort of bread in packed lunches etc), I cease doing it.
Works wonders.
That is not to say my family run around after me spouting their gratitude because they don't, but I apply the same rule when other people do a nice thing for me.

chandellina · 11/11/2010 08:18

I can't believe any woman gets up early to prepare her husband's pack lunch.

He sounds totally unreasonable but was probably just being a bit grumpy and irrational.

Undutchable · 11/11/2010 08:23

My DH wakes up, has shower, gets kids up, gives them breakfast, empties dishwasher, dresses one or both children, makes me a cup of coffee and some toast. Oh and makes his own sandwiches.

He just does it. Because he's nice not because I ever asked.

And I always say thanks. Well nearly always

Undutchable · 11/11/2010 08:23

Gay40 - I like your rule!

Original poster

toastandeggs · 11/11/2010 08:31

wow where did i go wrong? oh yes the first time i ever said i would do it as a favour!

Gay40- i need to follow your lead i think

OP posts:

FakePlasticTrees · 11/11/2010 08:38

Sometimes I read MN and think DH is somewhat hard done by - it just wouldn't occur to me to get up and make him sandwiches.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 11/11/2010 08:48

If DH wants to take lunch to work then he sorts it out himself.

He brings me tea and toast in bed most mornings before he goes to work, and gets warm milk for our two-year old and changes his nappy.
He also irons his own shirts for work.

It isn't that I won't make him sandwiches, if I'm up then I would do it and probably do him a flask of tea for his commute, but I am rarely awake when he leaves and he certainly wouldn't expect me to get up just to flap round after him in the mornings.
I watched my mother do it for too many years, and still now when my parents are both partially retired, she gets up on days she isn't working to 'help' my Dad get out of the house because he is incapable of managing his time sufficiently well to make himself tea and breakfast and get showered and dressed and out the door. I remember promising myself at about aged 14 that I would never allow a man to take me for granted in the way.
He is a lovely man, and in pretty much all ways but that a wonderful husband - but I know Mum resents it.

ullainga · 11/11/2010 08:54

wait, wait..

So you have had a hard night, getting up several times, while he slept peacefully. And you have a hard day waiting, running after 2 small kids.

Now the kids are sleeping. You could sleep a little more too. But he expects you to get up just to make his sandwiches? Which would take him 2 minutes, and he is already up anyway?

We would need to have a serious talk if Dh ever got such a crazy idea

(he does get up earlier than he has to and makes me coffee, but that is of course totally different)

upahill · 11/11/2010 09:01

Blimey that is rough.
Dh gets up at 6 to do the boys lunch and get them ready for work. He may or may not make himself something for lunch depending on how he is feeling and then gets the boys off to school and does the school run for the youngest. He checks school bag and sorts out PE kit/ swimming stuff etc. Makes me a brew and cereal. I then get up.

In the evening I do the tea, sort out what ever needs doing, dentist/doctors/school appointments if any/ watch football matches etc.

In other words it is a partnership.

When I was feeding the boys as babies DH would get up in the night and bring them to me and we would snuggle together.

Bloody getting up to make a butty for him my arse!!!

FindingMyMojo · 11/11/2010 09:26

If DP is taking lunch from home he does it himself. Ditto iron shirts etc. Why would I iron his shirts or make his lunch??? He's a perfectly capable grown up. Not doing these things doesn't mean I love him less. Often we will cook extra dinner and he will take in leftovers, but he will pack that up himself too. And if I cook he will wash up (& vice versa though he actually will often wash up as he cooks which I rarely do).

He will often make a packed lunch/picnic for us all in the weekends - I do too but we are more likely to get chocolate biccys if he does it :)

We cook each other breakfast in the weekends, or will make each other tea & toast during the week etc - it's not a JOB for either of us & it balances out naturally as we do it for each other.

OP I would not be making DH's lunch anymore - you're up in the night while he sleeps & you are with 2 young kids all day too. You're doing more than enough & I think the least your DH can do is make his own lunch especially if it means you can go back to bed until the kids are up.

Viva la revolution no matter how small :)

Sarsaparilllla · 11/11/2010 09:28

Jesus, he's behaving like a child!! If I make my dp's lunch then it's a favour, not because he expects me to, I wouldn't do it if he behaved like that, how ungrateful!!!

We tend to make lunches the night before tho, saves a couple of minutes in the morning - why not suggest he does that from now on if he doesn't want to do it in the morning?

LivinInThe80s · 11/11/2010 09:36

No YANBU!

I do make DH's lunch, but this was actually my idea as he is often stuck in meetings that go over time etc so he doesn't get chance to nip out for lunch. Like Sarsaparilla said, I make it the night before (I'm doing two for the DCs already so it's not a big deal), and he is grateful that I do it - if he wasn't I'd tell him where he could shove it

badfairy · 11/11/2010 09:38

I make it if I feel like it and if I don't I don't and he has to buy himself a sandwich on the way to work

ChilledChick2 · 11/11/2010 09:39

Could you imagine John McCririck ranting about all this. It could get pretty interesting I reckon.

FairhairedandFrustrated · 11/11/2010 09:42

I made my dh's lunch once when we got married 14 years ago - he complained about the amount of butter I used, so I never made it again :)

He makes his own & the DC's.

I think you may need to rethink the situation

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