To not have 'alternative childcare'

[strawberrycake]

My 5 m/o is on antibiotics for a chest infection, a one week course. Poor thing is pretty rough. Nursery won't have him back until 48hrs after the course finishes.

This means time off work until then. I have no other childcare. No family or friends that don't work to take him, I have never left him with anyone but dh as there is simply noone. Surely this is fairly common.

DH could take time off but we work together so however we do it the school is down. It's easier for the school for me to be off, I don't mind either. We have noone else as I said.

Someone implied today that everyone who works should have 'alternative childcare'. AIBU to think she is simply smug as she has family to take her kids if they are ill. What is 'alternative childcare' apart from being lucky in having family members to step in?

If it makes you feel better I am in the same boat, particularly as my family are either too far away or too poorly to help.

YADNBU!

Just wanted to say that I totally agree. I am a SAHM but when I return to work we will be in the same boat as you. Don't have any answers, I'm afraid, just sympathy.

Thanks!

I think some people really cannot or refuse to grasp that many people have had to relocate for work and have no family within hundreds of miles. Or that many grandparents actually do work themselves and, therefore, cannot be available for emergency childcare.

What exactly are you supposed to do: employ (and pay) and 'back-up' nanny, as that's the only non-family childcare that takes sick kids?

If you don't have family or friends (and if they're home presumably have kids and probably would not really want your sick child any more than the nursery does) then I can't imagine what alternative there might be. Perhaps you should ask this smug git lady if she knows of anyone who takes sick children?

YANBU - if you don't have family handy (and family who can cope with a sick baby at that!), then I don't know how anyone is meant to have "alternative childcare". The alternative for most parents is that one of them has to take time off work, since nurseries and childminders are not likely to be able to deal with it.

People are often very smug about things that they've never had to struggle with!

We don't have any either, and the urge to slap people who just assume gps are available/capable/willing to look after children is strong.

Fortunatlt ds's nursery was pretty good and only excluded at the start of antibs

I agree, it's a ridiculous sentiment. We're in the same boat; we're hundreds of miles from our families so if DS is ill then we just have to stay home with him.

My work's info about dependency days (when you can take unpaid time off to look after your child) states that you shouldn't expect to be able to take a week or so off, just a day or so while you organise 'alternative childcare'. We're lucky that DS has never had more than a cold as we just don't have that, I'm not sure what my employers would expect me to do with him.

It was actually said on the tes forum once that teachers shouldn't have them if they don't have it! I mean come on, are you meant to abort surprise pregnancies if you don't? Get sterilised to be fail-safe?

THink I'm in for a rough ride with ds, he's already proving to get a lot of illnesses, has allergies and regular hospital appointments that are only held on days I work (2 days a week).

I've said to dh as he earns more plus os looking for promotion which will benefit us all I'd rather stay at home and have all the days off on my record. I'm not looking to move up for years, I'm part-time and I won't get sacked over it. Normally I'm all up for sharing time-off but being practical it's better for the family financies if just one of us has the time off.

Our 'dependency days' are meant to be limited too, should I just tell ds to pull his socks up?!

Oh and considering he choked until he stopped breathing I couldn't leave him anyway, I'd go mad with worry.

I don't have any either.
If she's too ill to go to school I stay at home and that's that.

Luckily my boss is one of my best friends and did the childcare for me recently while I spent a week in hospital.

yanbu I have no alternative childcare.
so if dd is ill I am the only one in who can look after her..........so i don't work.

YADNBU.

My nanny was off sick one day and I spent all day (8-8) working, conference calls, emails, hitting all deadlines etc with DS in front of Cbeebies and at 10pm my boss (now EX-Boss ha ha) sent me an email asking if I could investigate getting emergency childcare.

Sorry but it winds me up. Not all of us live near our families or have an array of CRB checked helpful neighbours.

It was actually said on the tes forum once that teachers shouldn't have them if they don't have it!

And teaching is one of the most family-friendly occupations possible! At least school hols are (roughly) right.

I'm incredibly fortunate to be able to work from home - I don't think DDs grandparents would be much use as they're hundreds of miles away and ancient (or dead)

At my work we can have a day or two to arrange alternative childcare, but after that we have to take annual leave to cover it. I think thats fairly reasonable - they can't afford people to have lots of paid time off to deal with sick children.

It's one thing to have someone you can call and ask nicely to look after your child in the event that you are going to be late for the school pick-up or if nursery is shut due to weather problems - that is something that you may be able to develop as your child gets older and you meet more parents locally who don't work (or who work part-time).

But alternative childcare for sick children is almost impossible to arrange for anyone (even with local friends and family). Most grandparents would probably be a bit worried about caring for a sick child. When they are poorly a child needs the comfort of their regular care-giver.
And asking a someone to take the responsibility of nursing your sick child is a really big ask IMO.

amuminscotland, a few points

-what if you're in a job with no 'annual leave' but fixed holidays, ie teachimg

-what if you've used 'annual leave' caring for sick child already or simply already used it.

Out of interest what alternative do you use if you're in this situation? What can be arranged?

I have people I could call upon for a few hours here or there in an emergency, a few other local mums who I will reciprocate with. However none of them want to take a 5 m/o with allergies and minor health issues who's trying ant-bios for the first time and is very high maintinence choking and coughing in with their healthy babes!

YANBU. Someone once suggested that I should leave a poorly child with a neighbour (a neighbour fgs!) Now my neighbours seem very nice, and I'm fairly sure that if I knocked on their door to ask for a favour they would oblige if at all possible, but there's a whole world of difference between "can I borrow a cup of sugar" and "look after my child every day from 8 - 6 for a week"

I have seen in London there are emergency nurseries, where you can take your children if you are stuck for childcare, up here in the north it's tough, if you don't have something arranged months in advance you're buggered!

I suppose the only thing you could do is somehow at point-blank notice obtain a highly expensive freelance paediatric nurse to come and look after your DS . No idea where you'd find one, or even if such a service would be available (Entrepreneurial idea, anyone?) - perhaps you should ask the smug one at work what they would suggest for you?

When my boys were little and if I really couldn't take time off work, eg was in court, I'd either pay my cleaning lady to look after them in the house or (at crucifying expense), pay an emergency nanny through a nanny agency.

It's really really hard.

I am lucky in that I can have flexibility within work, and so can dp. But I have always tried to make a wide network of friends with children the same age, and we have often helped each other out - I have left DS recovering from illness with the sahm of his friend, and then I reciprocate with weekend babysitting. I think you also have to come to terms with the fact that you might have to leave your child with a new person from time to time - because agency babysitters and emergency nannies can be found, but need to be researched before you need them.

It's hard work (or can be) In see so many posts on MN by people who find having other children to play or for a sleepover hard work or tirespme, but I enjoy having a community attitude to reciprocal arrangements, and am delighted to have lots of children playing or having sleepovers with us, and then being able to ask an occasional favour.

Of course, this is for when they are older - but you can get emergency nannies, and 5m olds are pretty laid back about who cares for them - but of course there are issues if bf.

It's tough and hard work however you look at it, but one of those things that has to be managed one way or another. And it's the childcare catch 22.

Out of interest I just found a site, emergency childcare, emergency nannies cost around £16 per hour!!! I'd be paying serious cash to go to work! Time off unpaid would be preferable, I simply don't take home enough.

I get what people are saying about friends and networks, we've moved a lot of work though and we simply don't have one.

I think people who say that are actually missing the point.

Your 5mo is ill even if there was someone else who could look after him he would prefer to be with you and vice versa and even if friends or family were free to have him who really wants to look after a poorly child that isn't their child anyway?

I'm 28 and still prefer my mum to anyone else when I'm ill, only after being with dh for almost 9yrs is he an acceptable replacement, he just doesn't help in the way my mum does. For eg when I was in labour I'd previously taken him with me to pregnancy massage classes yet during labour he tried to massage my back and I shouted at him to get off me but my mum rubbed my back and it really helped. Sometimes no-one else will do