to be so upset about racist/snobbish/cuntish neighbours?

[EricNorthmansMistress]

DH and I were served notice from our last flat due to damage to carpets and walls, which we paid over the odds to have cleaned/painted and which were good as new in the end. This was pretty much because we have a toddler, the LL had gone with us because the market was terrible, then when it picked up she wanted us out in favour of professionals sharers. Fair dos, though stressful and expensive.
We couldn't find anywhere suitable in the time so stayed with friends/family/ILs for TWO months. It was fucking hard, but in that time we found our ideal house, and finally moved in last weekend. I bloody love it, it's huge, next to fields, just lovely. We're so happy and pleased.
Then this morning the agent calls us...the neighbours, on the detatched side (shared drive) have emailed to complain about us. We have been parking on the shared part of the drive. This is true, we didn't realise. We have kept the van on our side and my car in the middle (though never blocking their vehicles in, or anything else). Of course, now we know, we will stop. But this is not all...they have also complained about our DS 'screaming' in the garden (he's not a screamer, it would have been laughing/shrieking with laughter) and other things the agent deemed too unreasonable to mention.

The reason I say racist is because DH and his mate were unloading last friday, they are both arab and DH is black, he also wears clothes from his own country so looks quite different! they were chatting away in arabic, nosy bugger sticks his head out of the door to see what's happening, DH said 'hello' and he ignored him - full on blanked him. I knew at that moment they were racist, but I think they are also snobs due to us having a big van/being renters/not PLU.

Can I add (before people say it) our last neighbours were disappointed that we were leaving as 'we were such easygoing neighbours' and we have done literally nothing, apart from the parking issue, to annoy them since moving in. No loud music, no shouting, no leaving the bins in the wrong place, NOTHING. I'm seriously upset. I actually cried on the phone to the agent as I felt we were being victimised and harassed.

Eric is it worth asking the ll if the previous tenants has hassle or complaints from the neighbours? I'm wondering if there have been a string of short lets and the neighbour is unduly narky becuase of previous hassle?

Don't bother with them, ignore them or just smile brightly next time, that bugs misery guts no end.

Happy New Home

LOL, only on MN could a man who had complained about a small child playing noisily be let off allegations on the grounds that he might be deaf .

Anyway, he is a rude and hostile man - even if he was extremely deaf most neighbours smile or nod to each other.

GiveItAGo - not racist maybe, but extremely rude, and pretty offensive to stare at someone because you don't consider them attractiv enough to be alongside another person, or to stare at all!

frogety, I thought she was fed up with the fo being snobby AND cunty AND racist, not that the snobby and cunty are qualifers to racist.

I read it Blu, as they were snobby and cuntish because they didnt say hello as they were racist. Therefore the first part of the situation was that they were racist which led to them being rude by not saying hello, and therefore cuntish and snobby.

But it could be read different ways.

Just seems a massive massive jump to assume racism and describe a new neighbour as a cunt because they didnt smile and say hello. Especially as you have pissed them off by parking badly since you arrived. Or they could be short sighted, deaf, distracted, or the other million reasons why they blanked the ops dh. I apparently walked around a good friend on the footpath after school tonight, going round her and her partner, blanking them both according to her text!! Didnt see her, and I am not short sighted! Easily done. Hope she didnt describe me as a racist snobby cunt.

Why would we rush to assume that he's deaf?

And the idea that the op is being racist is a. Not as clever as you clearly think it is and b. Quite offensive.

There are several things the op has said which might indicate that this is racially motivated. There are probably lots of other factors which are tiny tiny cues to which she is sensitive as the mother of a dual heritage child would be. To focus only on her feeling that this is racial and to poo poo the idea is to deny the basic fact that we live in a country where people are discriminated against because o f their colour and the vast vast majority of those experiencing such discrimination are ethnic minorities. And I don't know why anyone would do that unless they were 'PC gorn mad' twunts tbh.

frogetyfrog you clearly dont understand the concept of racism. Op ignore this persons posts they are clearly some kind of daily mail reader or worse daily star!

Lot of hate around then!
I understand what the OP is saying thanks blu (oddly I have had a lifetime's experience of this ta) but we have a neighbour who didn't seem to like us. A close 'hood' but this particular couple were cold to say the least but we now (35 years on) think of it as a combination of hating kids (there were lots of us playing outside all those years ago) not liking noise (lots of kids again) and not too happy about the racial mix of my parents.

But to be bloody honest it didn't spoil our life chances, this couple were full of bad feeling to pretty much everyone etc.

I'd make a real effort to find out those who are racist in a way that doesn't affect your job and life chances and are who are not verbally agressive or threaten you with physcial violence and those that do.

OP - you've just moved in - they may warm up or they may not. I don't like the fact that neighbours are difficult but there are lots of difficult neighbours for many reasons, sadly, and it can be unpleasant. But you have rights too as a tenant and ensure you keep your rights.

You can not say this was a racist incident, you have nothing to support it.

This does not rule out the fact that your neighbour may be racist.

However, on that reckoning you may deem me racist as I don't agree with what you are saying?!

Pop a note through, forget it, enjoy your new home.

Unfortunately I have a clear understanding of what racist abuse is.

Whats a daily star? I understand the daily mail - have read it in the surgery!

There are plenty of serious racially motivated attacks/incidents around without some being made up or assumed.

Proper racism is totally unacceptable and should never be diluted by discussions such as these. The danger is that some people leave a thread like this and think that people such as myself who have had to take action over racism have over reacted or that lots of people who say they have been subjected to racist behaviour have only weak evidence like the op. I have heard people say things like 'you will play the race card', and threads like this tend to be their fodder.

I think this kind of discussion is bad for those who really need to take action as it weakens what racism is about.

GiveItAGo - I was saying that you were v rude to be staring at the couple on the bridge beause you considered her to look as if she had ringworm - not sure why you are being patronising to me.

I live in a multi-racial family too.

ENM - I hope things calm down and your neighbours stop making trivial complaints to the agents.

And I agree that unfounded accusations of racism do no-one any favours.

Brass it out!

I'd go over there the both of you, with huge charm offensive faces on, and say that your LA had mentioned your message about the drive. Give them the impression that NOTHING else was said.

Gushingly apologise about the drive, that if there is anything else for them to of course pop round and let you know.

It is possible that the blanking incident was due to the drive being used and nothing to do with race. Were your DH and his mate talking loudly, late?

Perhaps they had problems with renters in the past, perhaps they are just miserable buggers, but getting defensive about it will make your life a misery.

Carry on gaily and don't let it get to you. Hopefully it'll die down. Consider inviting them for dinner or something.

Good luck

Eric - I have been in a very similar position to you. My dh is also middle eastern and for a couple of years we lived in quintissential English village where dh was viewed with deep suspicion by some and warmth and welcome by others. I know people who haven't experienced racism don't want to accept it but sometimes you do just know when its racism - and it is gut wrenching.
We too had an incident with a neighbour complaining about us parking (in the street) in a patch of road that we hadn't realised was 'hers'. She complained by anonymous (and rude) note. We bluffed it by being extremely polite to her every time we saw her abd ended up with a rub-along relationship that could almost be friendly.

Much sympathy to you and dh.

Whatever happened to intuition? very few people in this day & age would say something overtly racist to their neighbour however the behaviour of this neighbour suggests that he has a dislike towards OPs DH before the parking incident.

A grown man who does not frequently accuse ppl of racism has expressed that he felt this. He is not 'playing a card' as from what I can gather he hasn't actually done anything about it other than speak to his wife. Does said neighbour have to shout racial abuse at ppl to be classes as being racist.

If you look at a lot of diferent types of abuse you will see that it is the insidious behaviours that are most commonplace, the looks, ignoring ppl when they speak etc.

Anyway OP I think you are not being unreasonable, park your car up his arse see how he likes that.

#classed even

You do just know. My DH is also middle eastern and looks like he could be from any where in Asia. I think sometimes he doesnt pick up on it as much as I do. When we moved into a white area you could see that some neighbours were not at ease with it at all. Unless you face this in your life its very easy to say 'oh he wasnt being racist'..but slambang is right..you sense it!

I think you are doing no one any favours by yelling racism because someone didn't answer your partner, makes you seem as though you have a huge chip on your shoulder and your race or your partner's is the first thing you think about when someone is rude to you, or you perceive them as being rude. Bit of an ALi G quote could be inserted here to make you see just how preposterous your accusations are in hindsight.

Have you thought that maybe the person sticking their head out of the window may have been deaf and didn't hear your partner?

Oh and I automatically think you are extremely common - not because of your race but because of the foul language in your thread title.

The sad fact is that they are probably racist. My friend( who is black) moved to a predominantly white area. I helped her move into her new home, her next door neighbour was really polite to me (i am white), but ignored my friend. I was mortified, as i saw racism first hand.
My friend is a lovely , decent well educated
woman (she is a barrister) and decided that she would give her neighbour another chance and continued to greet her. The neighbour would never acknowledge my friend.
However, Karma came into effect. The neighbour was pregnant and went into labour, however her dh was not around an she went to my friends house for help. My friend took her in, and accompanied her to the hospital. They are now good friends, but the neighbour admitted that she had taken an instant dislike to my friend because she was black and she truly regretted her actions . The neighbour even named her daughter after my friend.

Oh blue - yup I( was being so rude about this angel looking boy and really ugly girl who were different races. Blimey - everyone was looking - I mean ffs - if she could be with him then I could be with robert downey junior. No kidding!

I was gobsmacked - but in THEIR arrogance they thought it was because they were difference races. I was laughing to be honest.

Yes, there are many cases of racism. But I'd always differentiate between stupid comments that do you as much harm as comments like chav ( a big mn favourite) and fat (like I was called everyday by men when I lived in spain) and a few nasty racist names (as I was called by the police in the same country until I produced my passport - and this was pretty much weekly) and comments and attitudes that actually have an impact on your life and job chances.

Erm, that dosen't mean they're racist. Sorry.

I'd spend a bit of time removing the shoulder chip tbh, our neighbours never speak and are downright ignorant, we're all white British, i'd hate to think i'd be thinking they were racist if we weren't.

Maybe they went straight to the agency because their last neighbours where 'racist/snobbish/cuntish neighbours'