to be so upset about racist/snobbish/cuntish neighbours?

[EricNorthmansMistress]

DH and I were served notice from our last flat due to damage to carpets and walls, which we paid over the odds to have cleaned/painted and which were good as new in the end. This was pretty much because we have a toddler, the LL had gone with us because the market was terrible, then when it picked up she wanted us out in favour of professionals sharers. Fair dos, though stressful and expensive.
We couldn't find anywhere suitable in the time so stayed with friends/family/ILs for TWO months. It was fucking hard, but in that time we found our ideal house, and finally moved in last weekend. I bloody love it, it's huge, next to fields, just lovely. We're so happy and pleased.
Then this morning the agent calls us...the neighbours, on the detatched side (shared drive) have emailed to complain about us. We have been parking on the shared part of the drive. This is true, we didn't realise. We have kept the van on our side and my car in the middle (though never blocking their vehicles in, or anything else). Of course, now we know, we will stop. But this is not all...they have also complained about our DS 'screaming' in the garden (he's not a screamer, it would have been laughing/shrieking with laughter) and other things the agent deemed too unreasonable to mention.

The reason I say racist is because DH and his mate were unloading last friday, they are both arab and DH is black, he also wears clothes from his own country so looks quite different! they were chatting away in arabic, nosy bugger sticks his head out of the door to see what's happening, DH said 'hello' and he ignored him - full on blanked him. I knew at that moment they were racist, but I think they are also snobs due to us having a big van/being renters/not PLU.

Can I add (before people say it) our last neighbours were disappointed that we were leaving as 'we were such easygoing neighbours' and we have done literally nothing, apart from the parking issue, to annoy them since moving in. No loud music, no shouting, no leaving the bins in the wrong place, NOTHING. I'm seriously upset. I actually cried on the phone to the agent as I felt we were being victimised and harassed.

I did ask what else they said and he said he couldn't tell me as it was addressed to him and due to data protection so why can he tell me the things that he deemed reasonable?

When I said I felt they were racist the agent was quite sympathetic.

Some neighbours are crap, regardless of anything else.

Since you have to live by them, I'd take them a box of chocs and say face to face - we are very sorry to have parked incorrectly - it was an innocent mistake. Not because they deserve it - (of course they don't going moaning to the agent) - just to be uber kind to them so they might consider that you are decent people and stop giving you hassle.

Re the race issue, I would be surprised if anyone in their right mind would actually complain to an agent "my neighbour is black". Surely there must be more to it? They must be accusing you of something and I would ask the agent to just tell you what it is so you can sort it out. Again, I'd see the agent face to face and try and keep calm to maximise your chances of getting the info. There's no data protection laws making the agent keep it from you, I'd want to know what exactly the problem was.

I would wonder, myself, if the agent isn't stirring it a bit. I can't see any reason why they'd feel the need to pass on that your neighbours said things too unreasonable to mention.

Give the neighbours the benefit of the doubt a bit longer. It may be they are racist, but you won't help the situation by going in all guns blazing when it's not yet a clear-cut case.

If your DH and his mates were talking in a foreign language and then switched to say 'hi' to the neighbour, it's quite likely he just wasn't tuned in. I find this myself with DH - if he's speaking to his mum I just tune out and he sometimes has to repeat himself when he asks me a question in English, because I'm not expecting it.

run - I'm sure some people would complain, sadly.

When I was looking for somewhere to rent a while back, the lettings agent met us outside one place and said brightly: 'I bet you don't want to rent round here really, it's all Asians for miles'.

So, some people clearly are prejudiced twats.

Well Giddy pickle, it's not quite like that. The houses are semis and there is a gap between that leads to our garden gate. They have space for two cars in front of theirs and we have space for two in front of ours, though it's a different shape, if one car butts slightly onto the middle bit, which leads down to our garden gate. We thought the middle bit was part of our house as it is paved differently and leads to our garden. Clearly we are wrong, which is fine. We never blocked their cars in. If they had knocked on the door and asked us not to park there we would have complied immediately, as it was a case of ignorance, not maliciousness.

Those who don't see the racism - I'm willing to accept that, but why was it then?

Oh and they were not being loud, they were talking. Maybe he assumed they were removal men, and therefore not worthy of saying hello to. That hardly explains the complaints though.

If the OP feels it is racial then it is.

?A racist incident is any incident which is perceived to be racist by the victim or any other person.?
Sir William Macpherson ? Steven Lawrence Inquiry Report 25 February 1999

Well I'm guessing the reasonable stuff was things that were relevant to your status as tenants and neighbours, and that would be the blocking of the drive and the noise they claim your DS is making in the garden. It's a real shame that if they have called you racist, they are protected by the DPA.

Ah well. It's NOT a parking dispute. The parking issue is ONE issue, the additional, unreasonable, complaints are another issue. If they had complained to the agent just about the parking then I would have thought 'how childish not to say face to face'. The fact that they are complaining about other, unrelated, unreasonable things makes me feel they are victimising us for some reason, and the only reason I can think of is my DH's race. They cannot be victimising us on the basis that we have a child, that's insane, and she was nice to DS when she met him.

No idea why they might have blanked them. As you say they might be snobs and didn't like the van on the street.
They may just be short-tempered curtain twitchers who don't like any change in "their neighbourhood".
As for the unfounded allegations they don't seem racially motivated.
One was completely true so not unfounded.
The other seems to be partly true (i.e. there was noise but you say it was laughing/shrieking out of joy etc.) but it is a completely ridiculous thing to complain about. However it is something that people have mentioned on here (neighbours complaining about normal baby/toddler/kid noises) without ever being posited as being racially motivated.

And the final accusations you don't know what they are so you can't claim they are racially motivated.

I'd wonder why you jumped straight to decreeing them to be racists based on the fact that they didn't say hello back to your husband and that he is black.

Giddy, she's also saying that the agent implied there were nasty comments being made, and that they blanked her husband.

I suspect it's a storm in a teacup too, but it must be upsetting to feel so unwelcomed.

It could easily have been racism, it could easliy be because it can be a pain having a big work van going in and out of a driveway...

The main point is you do now know about the parking arrangement (and goodness, parking etiquette seems to rile people more than almost anything else!), acknowledge to them, in person, that you now know where not to park, and apologise, and just get on with being nice reliable well-behaved neighbours. Nothing you can do if they are horrible, but there's not much they can do without evidence, anyway - and if you are not making loud noise for them to record, or whatever, let them stwe in thier oen bitter juices and enjoy your own lives.

"and the only reason I can think of is my DH's race."

Maybe that's the only reason you are looking for.

Eric, it's no more or less reasonable to be rude to you for race reasons than because your child was laughing. Don't let it worry you. With luck it is nothing and will blow over.

Thanks everyone :) I rarely get a fairly unanimous YANBU so I'm pleased with that one!

I fully intend to never park on the shared bit again, but I can't go as far as giving them gifts

mq - outside the hallowed boards of MN there is a hell of a lot of naked racism out there.

I'm not trying to look for racism, really I'm not. I hope it's not the case, but...

"If the OP feels it is racial then it is.

?A racist incident is any incident which is perceived to be racist by the victim or any other person.?
Sir William Macpherson ? Steven Lawrence Inquiry Report 25 February 1999"

I'll need a definition of what "racist" is because he's used the terminology he's trying to define in his definition which is ludicrous.
In which case every incident is a racist one.

Tbh the minute someone uses the phrase 'play the race card' it tells you everything you need to know.

"mq - outside the hallowed boards of MN there is a hell of a lot of naked racism out there."

Of course there is. However I'd like a bit more evidence than "not saying hello to one black person in one isolated incident when only hearing one side of the story" before I'd condemn someone as a racist.