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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a little bit pissed off that sil has decided that 2yo nephews party

84 replies

bogie · 09/11/2010 10:20

is being held on my birthday?

He was born just before christmas I was boorn on the 18th... Which falls on the saturday so she has told everyone that she has booked a hall and that dn will have a party in the church hall from 2-5... then we will all go back to her fucking tiny house for the rest of the night to have a party for the adults?, and then said oh to me "and you can invite a couple of your friends round for your birthday" ... now I am fine with the whole him having a party in the day but why is she insisting on having a party for the adults??? This means that Mil will have to be there.. Meaning me and Dp will not be able to do anything (was thinking a nice meal) in the evening because Mil would have come over to ours and put the dc's to bed.
I am a little bit pissed off me and DP go out twice a year, his birthday and mine and that is it. So aibu?

OP posts:
NotAnotherBrick · 09/11/2010 10:22

YANBU about the adult party. Why are they having an adult party for a 2yo birthday? Confused

Can't you just go out the night after or before?

Flisspaps · 09/11/2010 10:23

YABU - he's two. Why not go to his party in the afternoon and then go out in the evening? Can you not get another babysitter other than MIL?

Or, go out another night?

TrillianAstra · 09/11/2010 10:23

If your birthday falls on the Saturday before Christmas don't you expect that other people might make other plans?

You are a grownup - you can celebrate your birthday on another day near your birthday - you could go out in the evening on a weekday if you wanted. Why not go out on the Friday night instead?

He is 2, so he can only really have an afternoon party, so it has to be the weekend.

oranges · 09/11/2010 10:24

yabu a little. the only issue is that your mil can't babysit, isn't it? can you get anyone else?

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 09/11/2010 10:25

Go out on another evening ffs!

pinkjello · 09/11/2010 10:25

I think a little, yes.
Maybe she has people travelling and didn't want them to feel they should just come for a couple of hours.

If she's your SIL and your DCs are cousins, why can't your DCs just stay there the night and you and DH go out as normal? I'm sure that would work for everyone; no?

Original poster
bogie · 09/11/2010 10:26

Not a problem him having the afternoon party dc's will love that anyway but an adults party a bot ott don't you think?

OP posts:
TheUnmentioned · 09/11/2010 10:26

I dont get the whole 'adult birthday' thing tbh but thats a personal thing. We just dont make a big deal of birthdays for adults at all.

I would have thought that had you wanted your MIL to babysit you should have asked her by now given that Xmas is a very busy time of year.

We have 3 birthdays in teh week before Xmas plus a wedding this year so we've planned with military precision!

I think YABU tbh - couldnt you go out on the Friday night?

ConnorTraceptive · 09/11/2010 10:26

just go out on the friday night instead

stressheaderic · 09/11/2010 10:27

Sorry, have to agree with those above, YABU.

You're an adult, you've had many birthdays, he is 2.
Not sure what the size of their house has to do with anything, but if you find it so cramped, have the party at yours, it might feel more birthdayish then.

Ragwort · 09/11/2010 10:27

YABU - he is 2 and it is really exciting for the parents to organise a party for a 2 year old - as Trillian says - YOU are the adult, surely your MIL will babysit another night, it doesn't HAVE to be the exact date - that's always hideously busy with Christmas parties anyway. Go and enjoy your nephew's party and plan a different night out for you and DH - you sound very jealous of a 2 year old !

ConnorTraceptive · 09/11/2010 10:27

As the unmentioned said if birthdays are close together and you know that you are likely to want a babysitter then you need to get organised early

Original poster
bogie · 09/11/2010 10:29

Mil was already asked to babysit she had agreed now they are having a party and they between them have decided that is taking the place of our night out.

OP posts:
TheUnmentioned · 09/11/2010 10:31

Well then that's kind of AIBU by stealth isnt it? she had agreed and has now said she wont - thats not very fair.

Has she actually said she wont do it?

Is there more to it? You sound quite bitter, sorry.

TrillianAstra · 09/11/2010 10:31

I generally hate it hwen people say they will do a thing and then chage thei minds - but your evening out is significantly more moveable than a 2 yr olds birthday party.

LilRedWG · 09/11/2010 10:31

Go to the afternoon party and then leave your DC with MIL at the evening party. She can get them home to bed and you can go out.

Blu · 09/11/2010 10:32

Does MIL have a say in this or is she just to be parcelled about as her DILs wish?
And why are no men involved - why isn't your dp dealing with this as it is his family? Why is it always women fighting it out?
YABU, really, and should assume that your MIL will put her dd's children her grandchildren, above an adults birthday - unless your b'day is a significant one.
It sounds as if you are generally competitive and jealous of something - or why be so nasty about her house?

Lynli · 09/11/2010 10:32

IME - As the years have passed and the family keeps growing it has become increasingly difficult not to clash with other arrangements.

We just choose a day to celebrate and enjoy it.

Due to health issues and family commitments I celebrated my 25th anniversary in June, I was married in January.

It really doesn't matter.

otchayaniye · 09/11/2010 10:33

hahahaha

My daughter was born on my birthday - I don't get a look in.

That said, she's was only 2 last month (and I was ahem 39) so I didn't have a party. Didn't see the point in a party at that age. But we all went to France instead and had a nice time.

When she's older I plan party for her in the day and collapsingonsofa party for me later.

Blu · 09/11/2010 10:34

Missed the bit about MILs prior agreement.
Oh well.
I feel there are axes being ground which are beyond this issue, so hard to comment.

DinahRod · 09/11/2010 10:34

Irksome certainly. Can you not book a babysitter? Or move your evening out to the Friday?

DanceInTheDark · 09/11/2010 10:35

Go out a different night. If this was a special birthday for you then it would be different but as you haven't said it is then YABU.

SO what if yur sister wants to get pissed with family and friends after having many several screaming hyper 2 year olds running round.

Just ask someone else to sit or don't go. (and thats from someone who only has 2 people willing and able to sit for her)

eastegg · 09/11/2010 10:56

Bogie, I'm on your side! Nothing at all to do with having controlling, know-what's- best- for- everybody, interfering ILs myself, of course!
You are not complaining about the afternoon party for your DN but the evening one. Totally understandable. I think it's inconsiderate of your SIL to have arranged the evening thing when she knows it's your birthday and you'd already arranged with your MIL that she would babysit.
However, you need to be the grown-up here. Try and get another babysitter and politely decline the evening part of the invite (you can't be criticised, you had plans didn't you?), or, even better,go out another night and do something really swanky that you can just casually drop into the conversation with ILs next time along the lines of 'it really didn't matter that your interfering ruined our plans, we had a great time anyway'. Without actually saying that obviously. God, ILs are SO annoying..

samcrow · 09/11/2010 11:01

Your MIL is being unresasonable, having agreed to babysit she shouldn't have changed the plans without checking with you first.

But, I don't see why you can't go for a meal on the weekend before or wait until the new year when you might appreciate a night out.

In general I think its a bit odd for an adult to be bothered about their actual birthday day though.

Who will babysit if you go to the party ?

ZombiePlan · 09/11/2010 11:11

Agree with Eastegg - go to afternoon party then go our for your meal as planned (assuming you can get another babysitter - might be worth organising one now, as I expect they'll be in demand at that time of year). Tis v rude of MIL and SIL to assume that it's fine for them to cancel your birthday plans and subsume them into your DN's "adult" party.