to be a little bit pissed off that sil has decided that 2yo nephews party

[bogie]

is being held on my birthday?

He was born just before christmas I was boorn on the 18th... Which falls on the saturday so she has told everyone that she has booked a hall and that dn will have a party in the church hall from 2-5... then we will all go back to her fucking tiny house for the rest of the night to have a party for the adults?, and then said oh to me "and you can invite a couple of your friends round for your birthday" ... now I am fine with the whole him having a party in the day but why is she insisting on having a party for the adults??? This means that Mil will have to be there.. Meaning me and Dp will not be able to do anything (was thinking a nice meal) in the evening because Mil would have come over to ours and put the dc's to bed.
I am a little bit pissed off me and DP go out twice a year, his birthday and mine and that is it. So aibu?

ditto chippingin

2yr has afternoon party, you have an evening piss up out with dh

if mil agreed then remind her

that day is your birthday and sure you are like my friend who is very close to xmas that she likes to celebrate it in style -

as do i - im always out for my birthday/dh/friends etc

Bogie - totally on your 'side' her as I have stated in previous posts... however, just want to add - there are plenty of babysitters who would sit for 3 small kids, who are used to sitting 'for the first time' and settling kids who aren't used to being left. I know, as a parent, it's not easy to leave your kids with someone you don't know, but it is possible. The only way for the kids to get used to it, is to do it.

I babysit through an agency as well as privately - always have, for the past..well, too many years to count! I would be more than happy to be left to bath them & put them to bed and deal with the fact they might be unsettled.

You just have to deal with your feelings about leaving them with a 'stranger'.

PM me if you want to know where I live :)

DH is a leap year baby so only has a birthday once every 4 years - we choose a different day and celebrate. The weekend makes sense for SIL and so what if she wants it to go into the evening - it's nice she wants you there, means she likes you. Organising these things can be stressful enough, don't make it harder for her.

yabu

ACt like an adult.

It's perfectly possible to act like an adult without acting like a doormat.

Why exactly do you think she should change her plans to suit her SIL?

Well you dont have to go to the adult party, just say to your SIL, I am doing something else for my birthday in the evening, and get someone else to babysit, or just invite a few of your friends round to yours.

YANBU to want to go out or be pissed off BUT YABU to expect MIL to babysit as planned. SIL has arranged an evening do to go with the party and MIL wants to be there - fair enough. I'd be annoyed if someone cancelled babysitting on me but it is her perogative.

You don't have to change your plans (but I would). Either get another sitter or celebrate Friday night. You can be as pissed off as you like, won't change anything.

Have a nice evening in with your dh is a sitter is a problem, nice take away and film sort of thing.

meant if a babysitter is a problem. Or for the first part of an evening you could go to to a child friendly kind of eatery, than home to watch film or do something fun. Why cant adults act like children . The dn will be asleep in the evening so its not really a party for him is it!

Nothing to do with being a doormat. Organise a different night for a meal out.

Why should she, pointy, its her birthday and she wants to celebrate on the day, what if this happens every year! Go to the nephews party in the day, and do your own thing at night simple!

The most important thing is that the op comes to the childs birthday party in the day, after all its his birthday not the adults, the adult party is just a bit extra.

The main reason that she should is that her one babysitter might be busy that night.

It seems to be up tp the mil, not the op.

YANBU to not want your birthday planned for you. If MIL now can't do babysitting on your actual birthday, I would expect her to tell you she's cancelling (not SIL) and offer an alternative night, not just expect you to change your plans to suit your SIL and not have your night out.

Can you get your DH to talk to his mother, check she really doesn't want to sit on that evening (she might not want to go to the adult piss up - it could be SIL making assumptions about her plans too) and if not, when else that week she could sit for you.

Fat lasses in deelyboppers - oh do fuck off

Go out the weekend before and get your MIL to babysit then, I'm sure she will feel compelled to say yes under the circumstances.

I can understand you being narked if your MIL has pulled out of babysitting when she had agreed. That said, there's not too much you can do about it. Maybe you should tell your MIL that you are still keen to go out for your birthday and ask her when suits her?

Did you tell your sil at the time that you had already got plans and that MIL had already promised to babysit for you on that evening or were you so gobsmacked when she told you that you just stood there going errrrrr?

If you just said errrr (or words to that effect then you are probably stuffed as she will have taken that to be a yes I agree to your plans.

if you did say something - would love to know if she actively said she was cancelling your plans

have you actually spoken to mil about it to see what she thinks - has she even said sorry about having to cancel on you but I really want to be there so howabout I babysit a different night (although I know, it's not the same if you had made plans well in advance for it to be the night)

Of course, what you should do is to tell SIL that as your plans came before hers then the fair thing to do is to have the kiddie party on the saturday afternoon, but have the adult party on the sunday, and that you have sorted it all out for her

not that I would actually expect that to happen, but it would give you a chance to ask her how she likes it when somebody else changes plans that you have made! And maybe she could see that she is being a little unreasonable to make changes without asking all of the people involved.

Alternatively you could just say fab, dc will be at the party, you won't all mind looking after them will you and dh and I can nip out for our pre-planned birthday meal.

did you actually have a restaurant booked yet that you could dangle in front of them to make them feel even guiltier?

Go to the kids party until 4pm, then do whatever you want to for the rest of the evening? Don't see the issue really.

the issue is that her MIL has agreed to babysit, but is now at the nephew's party

slightly annoying on behalf of MIL but go to kids afternoon party and get different babysitter in evening. i think anyway as adult easy to have day out on different night, i am not precious about birthdays or anniversary, just no point.