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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have left my dd home alone for a short while?

175 replies

Dancergirl · 08/11/2010 21:31

Went to pick dd1 up from ballet this evening. Got dd3 (3.5) all ready to go but dd2 (nearly 8) was ensconced in reading in her room and didn't want to go out again.

So....after weighing up any risks, I decided to leave her alone for a 25-min round trip. But one of the mums at ballet said she would have never left hers alone at that age. I actually feel a bit guilty now....but she's sensible, would never open the door and in the minute risk of there being a fire she would run out and go to a neighbour.

So, would you leave a nearly 8 year old alone for 25 mins?

OP posts:

Canella · 09/11/2010 12:22

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar - oh i'd have loved that for indian take away food when the dc were little - it didnt do deliveries and dh was always at work when i wanted some curry! inspired idea!

DollyTwat · 09/11/2010 12:28

I used to order those revolting Pizzas that get delivered with a free bottle of wine (disgusting) and cigs, just for the wine and cigs

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 09/11/2010 12:43

Dolly !

Oh yes Canella, there was a kebab shop and a Chinese takeaway there too. I'm sure they could have shared my glorious feat of engineering.

NordicPrincess · 09/11/2010 13:15

you are not being unreasonable I would leave an 8yr old alone in the house for half an hour

pranma · 09/11/2010 13:19

I wouldn't do it.It is one thing to like the idea of being left but as soon as that door shuts the child is all alone in a quiet empty house with potential [unfounded] terrors for an imaginative child.I probably wouldn't do it before 10/11.

piscesmoon · 09/11/2010 13:26

Probably thinking 'thank goodness for the peace and quiet'-pranma!

Serendippy · 09/11/2010 13:33

Canella · 09/11/2010 13:56

well its an hour ahead here serendippy so maybe a wee cheeky gin would help the afternoon go by!! [wink}

peeringintothevoid · 09/11/2010 20:21

pranma "I wouldn't do it.It is one thing to like the idea of being left but as soon as that door shuts the child is all alone in a quiet empty house with potential [unfounded] terrors for an imaginative child.I probably wouldn't do it before 10/11."

Then they'd ring you, say "mum I feel scared, can you come home", and you'd come straight home...barring terrible freak accident that you'd rather they'd have been involved in....

TheNextMrsDepp · 09/11/2010 21:36

I don't know why everyone seems to think a dreadful car accident is the key reason you might not get home when you plan to. It's far more likely to be something mundane, like a traffic jam or breakdown (certainly with my crappy old car!).

Last Friday, for example, the roads ground to a halt round here after a cement lorry fell on a railway and a small plane came down. People were stuck for hours. I'd have been frantic if I'd left a littly snoozing on a sofa.

And a few years back I "popped out for 5 minutes" from 6yo dd1's ballet class, to collect ds1 from a party a couple of miles up the road. I parked outside the party house and promptly dropped a wheel into a ditch. It took a good hour to get the car towed out; my friend at ballet had a flat phone battery so no-one knew what had happened to me. Of course, dd1 was being safely looked after, but it just goes to show what can happen.

I just don't think very young children have the resources to deal with such things alone in a house. Rare though they are!!!

mumeeee · 09/11/2010 21:39

No a 7 year old is too young to be left on thier own at home.

piscesmoon · 09/11/2010 21:57

You wouldn't have left a 'littly snoozing on the sofa' -we are talking about an 8 yr old happily reading a book. If you were delayed you would phone them and tell them and if you thought you were going to be as long time, and worried, you would phone the neighbour and ask if they could go around to their house until you got back.

thecaptaincrocfamily · 09/11/2010 22:07

Sorry but you are being unreasonable, under normal circumstances she may well be ok to be left. However, having had a house burnt to the ground (luckily before children) due to an electrical fault with a TV, anything can happen and yes it really could happen to you. A house can look empty and nights are dark so someone could burgle the house with her there. 25 minutes is a long time at that age. If anything happens and you are not there you are responsible and could go to prison - think very carefully. Oh and if ss got wind of it you could end up on a child in need plan.

TheNextMrsDepp · 09/11/2010 22:09

Well, the OP said "nearly 8", same age as my dd2.

Yes of course I could phone a neighbour, but what if she wasn't in? What if dd2 answers the phone in tears because such-and-such has happened?

I wouldn't be prepared to leave a 7 yo without adult supervision while I disappeared off in a car, simple as that. Even if nothing happened I would worry too much. Dd2 is very mature, but I just wouldn't do it.

piscesmoon · 09/11/2010 22:17

You have to have emergency numbers in place so that you know there is someone on hand-not just one.
I am astounded at the number of people who live in fear of SS. I wouldn't go to prison-I am a responsible parent-something that is abundantly clear to anyone who knows me.

thecaptaincrocfamily · 09/11/2010 22:25

The other thing is how people react in an emergency. Lots of adults don't do what they have been 'trained' to do, never mind an 8yo child.
Lots of adults panic and forget to call the fire brigade, go back into houses, fall asleep and are unaware. Sorry but if reading a book no excuse - take the book too!

thecaptaincrocfamily · 09/11/2010 22:30

PS I don't have any fear of social services as I work closely with them, however, I am aware of the criteria for neglect and leaving children at a young age is part of it.
My 4 yo is sensible, can use the phone, loads of friends nearby and actively wanted to walk her self to school on the first day. She never crosses roads without looking all ways. Do you think I let her do it? No because I am a responsible parent and she is 4. Same but different issues. Is the ops son sensible yes, how would he react in an emergency? Nobody knows. Would the op be in the sh*t if something happened and ds went to a neighbour (who had not been asked)? Probably.

AnyFucker · 09/11/2010 22:52

not only would she be "in the shit", she would also blame herself

and I like to protect myself from ever feeling like that

8yo's are too young to be consistently responsible and remember what to do in a crisis

they might be able to demonstrate how to use the phone to you one minute, then when it comes to the nitty-gritty they fall apart (or get distracted and panic if something happens)

I have a 10yo son who regularly goes into Lego trances and completely forgets what I told him 5 minutes ago

too much responsibility for an 8yo, IMO

LittleMissHissyFit · 09/11/2010 22:57

tittering at lego trances

gorionine · 09/11/2010 23:03

I think it dependes on the maturity of the child and hoe important the trip out is.

As other posters have said,there is added worry that something could Happen to YOU as well. I think it is important to give the phone number of another family member or close friend to your child just in case.

I do not think 25 minutes is very long but I would for no logique reason be less confortable in the evening.

Clary · 10/11/2010 01:33

roffle @ "Lego trances"

Not sure what to do about them tho - my 11yo has them too. Are people suggesting that because of that I should be picking him up from (secondary) school?

Really I can't imagine what some of you Social Services threateners would make of my current after-school childcare.

Tonight I was late at work and met DD as she walked home from orchestra on her own and it was getting dusk!

She was all set to arrive at home where her 11yo brother was, till I happily forestalled her in the car. She is 9 btw. I don't fear SS either piscesmoon

Clary · 10/11/2010 01:34

Should add that DD very happy to walk home by herself (at school chuck-out time it is often with another pupil anyway).

I wouldn't do it if not, of course.

piscesmoon · 10/11/2010 07:44

'My 4 yo is sensible, can use the phone, loads of friends nearby and actively wanted to walk her self to school on the first day. She never crosses roads without looking all ways. Do you think I let her do it? No because I am a responsible parent and she is 4. '

People do get ridiculous! She is 4 yrs old-of course you wouldn't! It has to be age appropriate!
Take the book would be useless-it was dark in the car! (if she is like me reading in a car makes her sick).
This was a very short time, at home alone, with her mother on a mobile phone and people to contact and a sensible 8yr old.
I would assume that if the house was on fire (although why it should be I can't imagine-when they have followed the rules)that a sensible 8 yr old would get out and stay out.
Do people not talk to their DCs? Do they not say 'what would you do if.....?'
On the rare occasions that we have had a crisis I have been immensely proud of all my DCs-they have risen to the occasion magnificently.
DCs used to do all these things in days gone by and they survived. I used to walk home from a lot of places by myself at 7yrs-everyone did.
DCs need to learn to risk assess for themselves. If you think that your DC is silly and irresponsible they certainly will live up to your expectations!

TheNextMrsDepp · 10/11/2010 17:41

"I would assume that if the house was on fire (although why it should be I can't imagine-when they have followed the rules)that a sensible 8 yr old would get out and stay out."

Just so you know, ds2 cannot actually open the front door by herself as it's too high. Our side gates have padlocks on them.

Oh well, she could break a window and watch the fire from the back garden......

piscesmoon · 10/11/2010 19:27

I wouldn't leave a DC in a house where they couldn't reach the front door-really people do have to risk assess and use some common sense!! I have already said that it depends on the DC so you can't possibly have some sort of official guideline.
I would be pretty amazed if OP left her DD in a house that she couldn't get out of in a hurry. She left a sensible DC, who wanted to be left, who was quietly reading a book and she was at the end of her mobile phone.

I wouldn't leave an 8yr old in the middle of
the countryside, with no near neighbours,I wouldn't leave an 8 yr old with an open fire, I wouldn't leave one who was scared to be left, I wouldn't leave one who couldn't open the front door, I wouldn't leave one who didn't have someone close to call in an emergency etc etc etc . You do have to have common sense!1
However capable a 4 yr old I wouldn't leave them.

If you have properly risk assessed, and know your DC, it is perfectly sensible, and even good for them, to be left for a short time.

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