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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left my dd home alone for a short while?

175 replies

Dancergirl · 08/11/2010 21:31

Went to pick dd1 up from ballet this evening. Got dd3 (3.5) all ready to go but dd2 (nearly 8) was ensconced in reading in her room and didn't want to go out again.

So....after weighing up any risks, I decided to leave her alone for a 25-min round trip. But one of the mums at ballet said she would have never left hers alone at that age. I actually feel a bit guilty now....but she's sensible, would never open the door and in the minute risk of there being a fire she would run out and go to a neighbour.

So, would you leave a nearly 8 year old alone for 25 mins?

OP posts:
Joolyjoolyjoo · 08/11/2010 22:39

Forgot about the dark! Blush

overthehill · 08/11/2010 22:40

Another neglectful parent (see toddler thread). Depends on the child: my dd hated being left until she was about ten or eleven but my ds was happy from about six (can't remember when we did first leave him) and we never went over the top about not answering phone etc.

piscesmoon · 08/11/2010 22:53

You can't make a blanket age-some DCs are very sensible at 8yrs and some are totally irresponsible at 14yrs. I think they tend to live up, or down, to expectations.

PinkCanary · 08/11/2010 22:57

I wouldn't have left my just turned 7 DD but I have mollycoddled her.

However... Childcare is unregulated once children turn 8. To me, as a registered Childminder, I could interpret that fact as government led guidance as to when a child should have a little independence. And so apparently do the families that now allow their children to go home alone from school for a few hours, instead of opting to use my service.

beachyhead · 08/11/2010 23:00

I do, but we are in the middle of nowhere and he has two big dogs here to take care of nonsense. He also has my number and knows how to call me and my neighbour. No-one ever comes here and the door is locked. He doesn't touch the kettle or the cooker. Bad mother, relaxed and mature children.....

nameymcnamechange · 08/11/2010 23:08

Not if I was driving.

Having said that, I have left my 8 year old in the house on her own if I have popped to corner shop or gone on school run for other dc if she has been off sick.

But as soon as you get in a car the odds of something happening to you increase so sigificantly.

piscesmoon · 08/11/2010 23:12

So why do you want the DC in the car with you?! The argument seems to be 'I might be in an accident' and DC will be alone at home. I would have thought that even if DC was getting a bit tearful, wondering where you were, it was better than being in the car crash!

cory · 08/11/2010 23:15

Can I join the corner of gin swigging benign neglect?

Whenever we go back to my home country, dcs hold their friends spellbound with tales of everything that their friends here are not allowed to do. Though I don't think they ever believed the one about the 10yo who wasn't allowed to make herself a cup of tea.

cory · 08/11/2010 23:16

"But as soon as you get in a car the odds of something happening to you increase so sigificantly."

And this is an argument for taking your dc in the car with you? Hmm

Starbuck999 · 08/11/2010 23:19

YABVU

Your child is 7, no matter how "mature" for her age, she is still a 7 yr old child. Certainly not old enough to be left alone whilst you go on a journey which "normally" takes 25 minutes.

So what if the child knows what to do in an emergency...You can train a 3 yr old in what to do in an emergency, doesn't mean that it's ok to leave them alone does it?

I have a nearly 7 yr old dd who is extremely sensible and mature for her age, however, I would NEVER even consider leaving her alone in the house for any reason... especially not just because she couldn't be bothered to sit in the car for a quick journey. If anything had happened to her you would have been found guilty of neglect. It would have been entirely your fault.

However, nothing did happen to her, so just view it as a learning curve, you made a spot judgement and now realise it was wrong (hopefully) and therefore won't leave such a young child unsupervised again.

birdsfoot · 08/11/2010 23:20

I'm amazed at all the Noes here!

An eight year old reading at home alone. Can't see it's a huge problem myself. It all depends on the child (and the home, I guess) ... obviously yours wasn't freaked out by the solitude and was fine when you returned. My three (9, 10 & 12) are left adultless regularly and are fine. The important thing is for them to understand risk and hazards etc (obv. not in such off putting terms).

MadamDeathstare · 08/11/2010 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 08/11/2010 23:23

Starbuck, at what age would you consider it ok to leave a child unsupervised for 25 minutes? And would the circumstances (small community, friendly neighbours etc) make any difference?

cat64 · 08/11/2010 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Clary · 08/11/2010 23:30

LOL @ seeker!

Was waiting for your post there.

Ah and Mmelindt and piscesmoon and others too.

piscesmoon · 08/11/2010 23:31

Ignore Starbuck completely! You will end up with a sensible, confident DC.

cory · 08/11/2010 23:34

cat makes an important point, it is very much about the building up

which is precisely, starbuck, why some of us have been leaving our children alone: it is not that we are feeble parents who lack the parental authority to impose our own ideas on our children, but rather that we have a plan for promoting independence that takes many years to implement

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 08/11/2010 23:43

DS is two years younger and I can't imagine being prepared to leave him at home alone for that long in two years' time, or at least not with any confident expectation of the house's still being standing when I returned. But I wouldn't assume all children were like him and so wouldn't be tsking at you.

SparkleSoiree · 08/11/2010 23:44

No. I would have just picked her up kicking and screaming if I had to and plonked her into the car. Only now have I just started leaving her for 10mins at a time and she is 10.

piscesmoon · 08/11/2010 23:44

I fear for some DCs.
At 18yrs they can buy a plane ticket to Peru and ,if they have the money,you can't stop them! They have to build up to this slowly, very gradually. It depends on your circumstances, if you have no near neighbours then don't do it, if your DC doesn't want to do it then don't do it. But it is something to be encouraged.
If you can't bring yourself to do it at least try a walk to the post box.

MumNWLondon · 08/11/2010 23:47

my sister lives abroad (won't say where, sorry) but they just changed the rules on leaving kids home alone.

It used to be 6 and now its 8.

I think its ok if she is sensible and could use phone to call you.

Rocketbird · 08/11/2010 23:56

I love the way some of you are using the threat of a car accident to justify leaving children on their own. By that token why bother with anything. DD is 2. If I start now by the time she's 5 I won't need a babysitter for the evening. By the age of the op's child we'll be able to go away for the weekend and leave her to housesit. After all, I might die in a plane crash and it's better that she's not with me. What a stupid argument.

Goingspare · 09/11/2010 00:02

Nobody has argued that they leave their children at home to avoid taking them out in the car; it was being pointed out that taking them with you in case you had an accident and they were left at home on their own for some time was not a logical position.

piscesmoon · 09/11/2010 00:02

You are being silly Rocketbird!! It has to be age appropriate! A 5 yr old needs a babysitter in the evening-so does an 8yr old and a 12 yr old. You can leave themfor a weekend-if mature enough, and they want to be left at 16yrs. If you die in a plane crash of course you should be pleased that she wasn't on the flight!!
You don't leave a 5 yr old in the house alone, but you hope to do short periods by the time they are 8yrs.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 09/11/2010 00:17

Surely if you need to pop out for 10 mins and need to go in the car it's safer not to take them with you in case you do have an accident? Wink

I would hope that by 8yo DS is capable of walking to school by himself, popping to the shop by himself, and being left in the house on his own for 15 mins. (School and shop are a 5 min walk on quiet road, btw - I was certainly capable of the same when I was that age)

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