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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left my dd home alone for a short while?

175 replies

Dancergirl · 08/11/2010 21:31

Went to pick dd1 up from ballet this evening. Got dd3 (3.5) all ready to go but dd2 (nearly 8) was ensconced in reading in her room and didn't want to go out again.

So....after weighing up any risks, I decided to leave her alone for a 25-min round trip. But one of the mums at ballet said she would have never left hers alone at that age. I actually feel a bit guilty now....but she's sensible, would never open the door and in the minute risk of there being a fire she would run out and go to a neighbour.

So, would you leave a nearly 8 year old alone for 25 mins?

OP posts:
jonesy71 · 09/11/2010 10:59

I know piscesmoon but this child is only seven and might not actually do as it's told. I have told DS age 6 four mornings in a row "please do not shout I'm awake, you'll wake your little brother" but again this morning he did it and woke him, again.

anyway it probably is irrational. I also worry about them being taken in the night too Shock and when they sleep in I wonder if they are actually still in their rooms Shock

I know, daft as a brush Grin

ullainga · 09/11/2010 11:01

If the child was ok with the idea then sure I would. Even if you have a horrible accident and won't return, surely an almost 8-year old can figure out how to go to neighbours place or call someone?

TrillianAstra · 09/11/2010 11:05

Depends on the 8 year old. They can work the phone, know what not to touch, have your number and another number to call if you don't pick up and they are feeling worried, if it's a sensible child then why not?

seeker · 09/11/2010 11:13

"Tuff if my son be annoyed piscesmoon. . .he either comes with me or gets his tv interrupted with me calling. Its for his safety afterall."

How does a phone call every 5 minutes keep him safe?

Original poster
Dancergirl · 09/11/2010 11:15

Hmmm, some v mixed opinions here. I can never really decide about this sort of thing, that's why I wanted some opinions.

I don't buy the 'I could be in an accident' scenario. With all these things you have to assess the risk and the risk of my being involved in an accident are minimal.

I have a question for those who mentioned the accident risk: do you let your children go on school trips by coach? If so, don't you worry about the coach being involved in an accident? I remember a couple of school coaches crashing over the last few years. Suppose your child was involved in an accident during one of these trips? Would you 'never forgive yourself' for letting your child go on an unneccasry trip?

OP posts:
badfairy · 09/11/2010 11:15

nope I wouldn't have done it....in case something happened to me as pp's have said.

seeker · 09/11/2010 11:17

badfairy - so it's better for your child to be with you when "something happens" to you??????

Gooftroop · 09/11/2010 11:18

You know your child best. I think it was completely fine. YANBU. At age 7 I came home to an empty house every day after school for 2 hours.

Canella · 09/11/2010 11:20

its a bit early for gin but can i join the YANBU. i'll bring a cushion!

dd is 9 and gets left on her own at home at least once a week - more often than not its for 10 - 15 mins but last week in her half term holidays i left her at home for nearly an hour and she was happy and contented with a book and the tv! but the rules are strict - she doesnt answer the door under any circumstances, she doesnt answer the phone unless she its me or dh or her GP's phoning (we've got caller ID) and she doesnt eat anything. in an emergency she knows how to phone one of us or she could go to one of many neighbours. situation is different i think since we're not in the UK and we live in a tiny village that is probably like 1970's britain!

and i really need flamed - i have left ds1 who's only 6 for 10 mins while i take ds2 to the bus stop and he loved being given the responsibility and knew exactly what not to do!

OP - i definitely think YANBU!

jonesy71 · 09/11/2010 11:21

Yes I do worry about that (but then I am a bit of a worrier as my earlier posts will show!)

My PFB when on his first school trip last summer and I was worried. The coach he was going on was waiting outside the school when I dropped him off so I hopped on quick to check it had seat belts!

That put my mind at rest, but then I worried about the teachers losing him.

I am sounding like a real loon.

PlanetEarth · 09/11/2010 11:22

I would and did from about this age.

PlanetEarth · 09/11/2010 11:25

And as for the "something might happen to you" issue, well it might. But my kids, like other local kids, were coming home from school on their own from about age 7. Should I then not leave the house during the day in case something happens to me and I don't get home first? I could forget about working then.

jeee · 09/11/2010 11:28

When my sister and myself were about 8 and 10 we were left alone, had a fight, which culminated in me locking myself in our parents bedroom, her grabbing a hammer from our brother's tool kit, and attempting with some degree of success to break the door down.

On the plus side, this led to immediate cessation of hostilities, and a lot of work to find an acceptable excuse to give to our parents.

Oh, and OP, despite this story, I don't think YABU.

seeker · 09/11/2010 11:29
DollyTwat · 09/11/2010 11:32

As long as YOU feel OK about it and you're not going out all night, then it's fine.

I have left my DS aged 8 nearly 9, not for long, only 10 mins or so for a quick trip to the shop. He is also allowed to walk to the shop on his own (one small road to cross).

He's sensible enough now for this to be OK I think, but that's a very recent thing since yr 4 started.

I'm not sure that I'd be comfortable leaving both DS alone when ds2 is older, mostly because of the fighting issue. Who knows they may have stopped it by then Grin

MmeLindt · 09/11/2010 11:34

Canella
I know the area you live in and I think it is perhaps like 1920s Britain. :o

Fecker · 09/11/2010 11:38

I really don't know IUBU or not - every child is different. You perhaps could have prepared her better in the eventuality that if anything did go wrong...

I have been debating doing this myself recently. My DS is 8 and very sensible. He is also a complete bookworm, and so there have been a few occasions recently where I've had to drag him out of the house (and away from his precious Harry Potter!) for a 15 minute round trip over something no doubt tedious but absolutely necessary!!! Grin

He is a good lad. He knows my mobile number by heart and we have very good neighbours on the left who are ALWAYS in and like my DS a lot (they have two kids - a boy of 9 and a 15 month old girl). I have been thinking about leaving him for a short stretches here and there and telling him to ring me if I'm not back by my specified time. If he can't get through (for whatever reason), then he is to take the spare key, lock up and knock next door. Even if all goes to plan, NO cooking under any circumstances! No answering the door to anyone either. I think he could cope - he's ready...

...Except I haven't done it yet, because I'm not ready! My parents left me alone from the age of 9 onwards and I would even babysit my younger sis, make our tea and get myself to and from school. A bit much maybe. But I think I'll start letting him have his little bits of independence from 9 onwards, if all stays well.

HuwEdwards · 09/11/2010 11:42

I've left DD2 - but not for 25mins - for 10mins. 25mins would be too long, she wouldn't be happy with that.

All depends on your child and your gut instinct.

piscesmoon · 09/11/2010 11:43

You can of course keep your DC in a padded cell, never let them take responsibility, not let them go on school trips, rock climb etc, but it is no life!
Life is a risk and is there to be lived! You
assess the risk and more importantly your DC learns to assess the risks for themselves.
People shouldn't need an 'official policy'-just commonsense.
I still can't get my head around the fact-that will be mentioned again soon-that you might have an accident and so your DC should be with you!!!

piscesmoon · 09/11/2010 11:47

'Except I haven't done it yet, because I'm not ready!

If you know that it is your problem then you should try and overcome it for the sake of your DC.
I thought I was over protective -(DH and DSs call me Mrs Pike from Dad's Army!)-but little do they know, that according to MN, I am irresponsible to the point of negligence and SS will be on the doorstep taking my DCs away!!

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 09/11/2010 11:56

The accident thing is relevant if you're talking about babies, who actually might come to very real harm if you weren't back to feed and change them. An 8yo isn't going to perish if nobody feeds and waters them for a few hours and besides, they can use phones (unlike 8mos!).

I remember ds being asleep in his cot - before he was mobile so he wasn't going anywhere - and really, really wanting to run across the road to get some wine but the idea that I could be run over/kidnapped(!)/struck by lightning and unable to communicate that there was a baby alone back in the flat put me off. I fantasized about rigging up a pulley system between my sitting room and the off licence instead Grin

Whitethorn · 09/11/2010 12:01

Yes I would if I thought she was sensible enough. Would give her numbers, a time at which she should go to neighbours if you are not back and ask her to stay reading in her room.

Canella · 09/11/2010 12:04

ha ha mmelindt - i think you're right! and i love it! it gives our kids a magical childhood and they are given a level of responsiblity that i would never have been able to give them in the UK!

dd sometimes even has a key to let herself in! (dons flame retardent suit!)

DollyTwat · 09/11/2010 12:10

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar the pulley system to the off license is inspired, set it up anyway!

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 09/11/2010 12:21

Oh, we've moved now. It would have been fab though - from my flat up on a hill, across a very busy main road. Main issue would be double deckers and big lorries getting tangled up in the ropes. But that would be surmountable, I'm sure Grin

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