The dinner bill dilema

[looblee]

Here's one for you...

We are off out for a meal with a big group of friends Saturday night with some BIG drinkers who like to buy the best wine! To set the scene we are frantically trying to save money for my year off work when the baby arrives but really want to go as it is a good friends birthday so should not be missed.

Last time we went out with one of the couples attending they almost insisted on splitting the dinner and drinks bill despite them having two bottles of wine to my husbands 4beers and my solitary coca cola. The term what goes around comes around never does with these two!

What i am getting at is there an etiquette to politely suggesting that splitting the bill equally when we go out isn't fair for me, 9months+ of not drinking and desperately trying to save all adds up!

Or?. are we just going to look like moaning tight wads putting a dampner on the evening!

Excuse my typing... dilemma not dilema.

Why not split the food but everyone pay for their drink as they go?

no if they are considerable drinkers you shouldnt have to share the costs. ring your friend and explain

why not suggest splitting the food bill but everyone pays for there own drinks.

I think it's ok if you say before you go. I have many non-drinking and poor friends and would never expect them to subsidise my drinking, but it's better to sort it before you go so there isn't that embarrassing discussion at the table.

YANBU I've been stung with this one before. Designated driver vs alcoholic connoisseurs.... Perhaps suggest that you split the food bill equally but everyone pays for their own drinks?

Ethelina that would be the perfect scenario for me, but it never happens people tend to say oh it'll be alright and then I can see us getting lumbered with a £100 bill for £40 worth of food and kicking up a stink at the end of the meal isn't really my style.

Could you split the food bill but order drinks at the bar? YANBU to not want to fund someone else's night - I had this when I was pregnant with DS2, v annoying when you are not drinking. Don't know about the etiquette - I tend to be a bit forthright but I've found it best to bring up the subject at the beginning of the evening.

Hullgully I think I might do that I hate the awkward momemts at the end of a meal waiting to see if you have to say something....arghh getting wound up about this already!

glad to hear its not just me who has faced this situation before Chil1234

dont split the bill, i never do but always round up to allow for tips. in a large group its just to on to split the bill.

I hate the bill dilemma!

We had one ourselves last weekend with one couple who didn't want to split, even though they had been drinking and ordered mixed grill and steak!

The next morning we had a chat about it, and decided that if one person/couple didn't want to split the bill equally, then it was up to them to ask the waiter and let the others know at the start of the meal before anything was ordered.

It's awful at the end of a nice meal when people start adding up whos had what, and some poor sod has to sort it all out.

That seems fair to all to me, but personally, I would never do that and would always be happy to split the bill equally.

It's completely fair to say beforehand we can only afford x but not y. People would rather you were there than anything.

Mention it before you go and take cash to the restaurant, then as soon as bill arrives snatch it up, put in your £50 or whatever and say this more than covers our food and a tip - we don't need change and then let them sort the rest.

If having watched you drink nothing they then make a specific request for more money you need to fing new friends.

Def with Katz. Could you all go to the bar to buy drinks but then split the food bill at the table. V good idea

Agree with Hullygully

When I'm drinking and others aren't, I lop the rough cost of the drinks off the bill, split it between all of us, then divide the drinks portion of the bill between the drinkers.

Quite rough & ready - the nearest £5 or dividable number! - but I think that is only fair and polite.

Am surprised others don't do that when there are pg women and drivers there. Agree it is awkward to ask - I'd have a word with your friend and see if she'd be willing to grab the bill and divvy it up along the food for all / booze for the drinkers lines.

Tell them that's what you are doing before you go and then if the bill comes and there's any drinks on it get rhe calculator out on your phone and deduct it, then split the rest. Do it all openly then they can't complain. Don't get taken for a ride.

Sorry - xpost, can see now that others have suggested this. You may just have to say that you will pay for your own food / drinks. Doesn't stop the others splitting the bill as you just pay yours and they split the rest.

And tbh honest I don't think it is fair to ask the drinkers to form a whip or go to the bar to buy rounds - hassle for them and they want waiter service too!

Just add up eg 4 bottles of wine at £35 each - lop £140 off the bill and divide. Then £140 divided between the drinkers.

Agree with those who have said that it's better to be upfront about it - if they are good friends then they won't mind if you say that you would rather split the food and buy drinks separately, given that you won't be drinking. And if they do, then you need new friends .

Take cash, tell them before you start that you're skint/whatever you want to say. Ask who is responsible for the bill and hand them whatever would cover two meals and a couple of drinks and say no more about it. Then they can deduct your £50 or whatever from the total and twist themselves up into knots splitting the bill between everyone else while you eat your after eight mint.

Perhaps when ordering, you say something like, 'we're watching our money at the moment so we'll just have...' At least that way, they know that you don't intend to split the bill.

nope, none of the the things above can work.

if you go you have to split the bill and smile.

if you can't afford it, phone up the organiser tell them you can't come cos it's too expensive for you.

chances are they will think about it, and offer some solution (diff rest, separate drink) ... that offer, whatever it is, you gratefully accept.

(if they ask you what you CAN afford, do have an actual figure in mind. DON'T say 'Oh, well you know, just not too much because, really we only drink beer and a coke, and though DH does like a steak , I never have a starter.. .so...' DO say '£60 top whack'

Thanks everyone. Ordinarily I am a firm believer in splitting equally and sometimes your up sometimes your down but not while pregnany, 9months is a long time to be under for! :-)

Think I am going to do myself a seperate little bill with the waiter, to keep it neat hubby is more than happy to go on main bill and split equally, he like his alcohol.

Emailing my friend now to let her know...