The dinner bill dilema

[looblee]

Here's one for you...

We are off out for a meal with a big group of friends Saturday night with some BIG drinkers who like to buy the best wine! To set the scene we are frantically trying to save money for my year off work when the baby arrives but really want to go as it is a good friends birthday so should not be missed.

Last time we went out with one of the couples attending they almost insisted on splitting the dinner and drinks bill despite them having two bottles of wine to my husbands 4beers and my solitary coca cola. The term what goes around comes around never does with these two!

What i am getting at is there an etiquette to politely suggesting that splitting the bill equally when we go out isn't fair for me, 9months+ of not drinking and desperately trying to save all adds up!

Or?. are we just going to look like moaning tight wads putting a dampner on the evening!

by the op 'Think I am going to do myself a seperate little bill with the waiter, to keep it neat hubby is more than happy to go on main bill and split equally, he like his alcohol.'

this would come across as mean and petty imo

didn't see that bit. come on !!

Why don't you just ask the restaurant to do a seperate bill for each couple/single person? It's not hard. Then they hand out the appropriate bills at the end. Why are you all subsidising each other?? From a foreign perspective, it's a wierd old practice!

I don't quite understand why this thread has focused on the drinkers so much.

I am one of the drinkers at pretty much every meal out we go to, but I'm more than happy with a couple of glasses of Pinot. DH doesn't particularly like drinking anyway, neither of us ever have starters and if we get a desert we tend to share. But plenty of people that we go out with like to have the full three courses or side orders.

It's as much about the big eaters as the drinkers.

Even so, I still think bills should be split just to avoid the awful bit where someone has to count it all out. If you can't afford an extra few pounds than suggest cheaper restaurants so it can never be too much.

Why not send a text to everyone tonight saying that we'll all split the food but buy our own drinks. And send it from your OH's phone!

agree i rarely have a desert but will have an extra glass of wine

dessert even

I think restaurants find it a pain to do separate bills and I've seen one or two that refuse to do it.

I'm normally OK with splitting bills (and the people I go out with usually volunteer to put a couple of quid in extra when someone doesn't drink, has had no dessert etc) but oddly enough when I go out with parents, sister, brother and motley children in a big family group that's when we tend to get into a lot of detail about who pays for what. It's very difficult to work out fair shares when some people are aged 4, some are aged 14 etc. Last time we were out I checked at the start what we all wanted to do ("just pay for our own") then I counted my family's food and drink as I went along (using the crayons and colouring-in sheet thoughtfully provided by the restaurant. My sister tied herself in knots with a calculator at the end but I just handed over our total plus tip.

I think it's OK to do this provided you tell everybody at the beginning. I woudln't worry about looking mean - anuyone who complains is going to look even meaner, aren't they, expecting you to subsidise their dinner!

went out for dinner after ds was born, no drink due to bf, friends paid for the drinks bill, as a nice gesture for the new dad.

I think stating you're going to not pay for drinks at the start will set the night off on a bad note. My strategy if I wasn't drinking would be to wait til the bill comes, then look a bit shocked and ask to have a look, and then say, do you mind if I don't put in for the wine as I only had a coke? Then it's up to them to say, well, yes, you should pay for the wine, which they won't do. Just say it in a friendly way and you should be fine. Plus you'll be sober and they won't which means you'll find it easier to keep your cool!

If I was you I would get someone on your side confidentially and they could bring it up on behalf when the bill is being split. I have done this for non drinking friends before...if they still disagree don't go out with them!!

I am pleased to say that having gone out for our meal it was all sorted. My other half does drink but beer not expensive wine - he's a simple chap. But the birthday girl had had a couple of requests to not split the drinks bill and was more than happy to make an announcement that was the case before dinner, there were a few other non drinkers going and these notorious expensive wine drinkers have obviosuly got up other peoples noses recently too! so glad it wasn't just me! so the wino's went and ordered their wine seperately and all was fine everyone was happy! fantastic night in fact!

p.s it might be petty to you but the average bar bill for the drinkers on the night was in excess of £100 each person (apart from my husband who's was £20 for his beers). I am preparing a baby and for a year off work and have better things to pay for than other people to get pissed.

It's totally reasonable of you to not split the drinks bill.

I wonder if those moaning about it because your DH drinks beer have any idea what a decent bottle of wine can cost when eating out.

One of my BILs has a job where he is taken out on other people's expense account all the time, and has expensive tastes. When he's allowed to order at family meals he'll 'restrain himself' by not picking anything more than £60/bottle.

Glad it went well, did wonder

Hubby has a bad habit of ordering expensive wine, but he teams that with also picking up the bill for the whole meal as well, so I don't think it's technically rude.

What I think is the right thing to do is to make sure if you've ordered something more expensive then you make sure you put in enough to cover that (so if the total bill was £50 a head plus an £80 bottle of wine which hubby ordered he'd put in £180 for himself and me).

If you do end up with morons who always do this, I also think it's okay to call them on it... "Oh let's say that's £100 each!" you just say "Ah you're forgetting the starters you had, our share is actually £XX".

But it's worth remembering that soft drinks in restaurants are often insanely pricey.

It costs £2.10 for a glass of coke in Pizza Express, for example.

A glass of house white is £3.75, so while the alcohol is more expensive it's not always the huge disparity that is assumed (particularly if it's bought by the bottle which brings the cost per glass way down).

I sometimes think that non-drinkers get uppity about the drinks bill and conveniently ignore the fact that their own contribution to it is actually not insignificant.

YANBU.
I've never had a problem with any friends.

It's virtually an article of faith that everyone chips in appropriately.

It would be a complete embarassment to anyone I know, to knowingly under-contribute to what they'd consumed.

Would be very suspicious of anyone trying to do otherwise.

I hate this too, Not so fussed on splitting the bill for food, but I get really annoyed at having to split when it includes alcohol as well as I don't drink. One time I went out for a meal and my entire meal came to £17 (starter, main) and I ended up paying £35 because of the others alcohol, I didn't say anything because I was working FT then, it didn't matter, but now I wouldn't pay that.

Drinks IMO should be paid separately than the food bill anyway IMO.

notanumber - I don't think that applies in this case - the OP has stated that the wine drinkers like expensive wine. That isn't going to be the house wine at the price you suggest, it's going to be the £30 minimum per bottle price tag.