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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to know who has given DS his first haircut, without asking me?!

41 replies

lowrib · 03/11/2010 23:42

DS has beautiful curly hair. It's has been getting a bit long and earlier this week I noticed that there is one particular curl that has been getting in his eyes sometimes.

I must admit that I've although been meaning to cut I had been a bit slow to get round to it. I know it's silly but it's his first haircut and I wanted to do it when DP was here too. It wasn't that bad though! It was only one curl that needed cutting, and I was going to keep it with his baby book.

I noticed today that someone else has cut his hair! Quite a bit at the front. It could only be DP (he says not), our CM or someone at the CMs.

I'm trying to tell myself it's only hair, and I'm being PFB, but it's not working!

I'm really annoyed and feel a bit violated. I know in the grand scheme of things it really isn't that important, but I'd never think of cutting someone else's child's hair without asking!

I'll be surprised if the CM did it TBH - AFAIK we have a good relationship, I've always felt we can communicate about things fine. She's a lovely lady and I can't imagine here just cutting his hair - surely she'd say something. Maybe someone else at her house though?

Grrr!

Confused Angry

AIBU for being really quite Angry about this and wanting to get to the bottom of it?!

OP posts:
Goingspare · 03/11/2010 23:51

Hmm. Older child at childminder's? No, it's not unreasonable to want to know who did it - if it is another child then there may be supervision problems. The childminder shouldn't (probably wouldn't) do it without your permission and your partner should at least tell you if he did it...

SlightlyJaded · 03/11/2010 23:58

I'd be unreasonably annoyed too. It is a bit PFB, but so what.

Just ask the childminder outright but in a nice way. And then move on.

Original poster
lowrib · 03/11/2010 23:59

Older child - could be, I hadn't thought of that. It's quite a good job actually.

DP definitely didn't do it.
He says it's a hair-done-it Grin (but still Angry!)

OP posts:
TheLadyEvenStar · 04/11/2010 00:00

YADNBU!!

DS2 also has beautiful curly hair and I have refused for 3yrs to have it cut.
DP has said it needs doing but he has been warned off by my snarling explanation.

I would be devastated if someone cut it!!

OnEdge · 04/11/2010 00:02

I would be totally unreasonabley fucking evil if someone did that that to my son (hope that helps)

zipzap · 04/11/2010 00:02

Can understand why you are unhappy - if somebody thinks your ds has hair that is too long then they should tell you, not take it into their own hands to do something about it.

think it is worth getting to the bottom of though - could be that there are other children at your cm's that got hold of scissors and did it because they felt like playing hairdressers or just cutting - or even your own ds if it was annoying him. But this is bad as it means that the kids have got hold of scissors sharp enough to cut hair and been using them in front of your ds's eyes.

Might be worth mentioning to the cm - she might have assumed that it was something that she did for the kids if one of her other mums gets her to trim the kids hair and she did it without thinking? She might have even have saved the curl - but that is a very slim chance.

i'd say that you noticed after picking your ds up that his hair had been cut, and that you are concerned.... to see if she will pick up on the opening you are giving her and say either it was her or not, then you can move on to saying that it could be the other kids and your issues with that. And to emphasise that you don't want hair cut at all, you want to do it.

I do remember being at nursery when ds1 was little and in the big kids room one of the mums was remonstrating with the manager because her daughter had come home having had a really bad hair cut thanks to one of the other kids - and the fact the scissors were still freely available to them, which meant it could happen again...

You don't have a rogue mil or mum hanging around do you - several posts in the past have been from upset mums whose mil or mum has given the gc a haircut without asking... general consensus is that they are bvu to do this without asking child's mum or despite being told not to!

good luck in tracking down the culprit!

PandaEisIsLookingForwardToXmas · 04/11/2010 00:08

YANBU i would be (and frigging was!!!) livid!!

I would aske the CM as she may know who did the cutting if it wasnt her!

My GMIL cut DDs hair when she was 4months old and kept a lock and didnt say! She even denied it when i asked her outright after i noticed Angry i found this out just before GFIL passed away and have quietly simmered about it since (2 years) i wouldnt dream of raking it up now but if i had known at the time!! Ooo she would have rued the day she put those scissors to my DDs hair!!

ForMashGetSmash · 04/11/2010 00:16

Oooh YANBU at all! I remember the fist curl I cut off my first DD! I kept it for a while...then lost it...but I dont care now...ut another one off and write a little note about the mystery hair chopper! You will remember it all fondly in 20 years!

JarethTheGoblinKing · 04/11/2010 00:17

DS had beautiful curly amazing blonde hair.

It was in his eyes and it was a mess and I finally succumbed and took him for a haircut.

Totally unexpectedly he's so much beter for it, his eyes shine out and he's looking even more cheeky than normal.

Just sayin...

Original poster
lowrib · 04/11/2010 00:22

"cut another one off and write a little note about the mystery hair chopper! You will remember it all fondly in 20 years!"

That's a good idea, I think I'll do that Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
lowrib · 04/11/2010 00:23

"Might be worth mentioning to the cm - she might have assumed that it was something that she did for the kids if one of her other mums gets her to trim the kids hair and she did it without thinking?"

I suppose it's possible, and if so it's got to stop!

OP posts:
Original poster
lowrib · 04/11/2010 00:24

MIL and my mum are miles away. The only place DS goes that's not here is the CM.

OP posts:
Original poster
lowrib · 04/11/2010 00:25

Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm off to bed now. I'll let you know if I get to the bottom of it.

OP posts:
CountryDweller · 04/11/2010 00:32

My ex SIL took my then 2 year old DD to the hairdresser as she was her bridesmaid. I was absolutely fuming but the exh couldn't see my issue with it Angry

If she had asked first and saved a curl I wouldn't of minded so much, but she didn't.
Then wasn't allowed to say anything because it was her day Hmm
So OP can I can see why you're upset, some people just don't think.

Original poster
lowrib · 04/11/2010 12:51

I dreamt about this last night! I dreamt that one of my best friends had cut my DC's hair because there was something like chewing gum in it. Not possible in reality though.

It is bugging me. If an adult did it, it undermines us as parents IMO. Grrrr.

OP posts:
TrinityTheTwattyRhino · 04/11/2010 12:54

could he have done it himself?

janajos · 04/11/2010 13:13

My DS2 had gorgeous curls at the back of his head which were hacked of by DS1 when they were 5 and 2 respectively. I was devastated, all DS1 would say was that they were 'girly'!!!! grrrrr

janajos · 04/11/2010 13:13

off!!!

MadamDeathstare · 04/11/2010 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goingspare · 04/11/2010 13:24

That is a good point. How old is he? Still a minding issue if he's unsupervised with scissors.

rushinrussian · 04/11/2010 13:27

Maybe there was chewing gum in his hair ?

grapesandmoregrapes · 04/11/2010 13:35

OP - how old is your DS? can't you ask him who cut his hair, or where he had it cut (CM or home etc)?

tillywee · 04/11/2010 13:40

My MIl did this to my Ds...he has lovely curls and she loped loads off, it has only just grown back.

I was fuming for ages after

Original poster
lowrib · 04/11/2010 20:53

DS is 22 months, I'd be very surprised indeed (but really quite impressed!) if he managed it himself.

I did try asking him who did it, but his vocabulary is things like wow! apple! football! and - new one tonight - firework! (or more exactly fower!).

Who cut your hair got me nowhere at all, but I did try!

I won't find out until Monday, unless I email but I think it's better done face to face.

OP posts:
Original poster
lowrib · 04/11/2010 20:54

tillywee I would be fuming if MIL had done it too!

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