to ask DD (13) to go to bed at 9pm?

[buttonmoon78]

Well, am I? I get 'evils' if I do but I think it's perfectly reasonable really.

After all, if she doesn't then I get even more evils in the morning.

But all I hear is 'but all my friends stay up til xxx o'clock'.

What time do your dcs go to bed, o wise ones?

[MaMoTTaT]

Cory - I'm with you - I don't find DS1 disturbs my peace (indeed he enhances it now by making me coffee ) now he's older.

I do enjoy my peace - so DS2 and 3 are in bed at 8pm on the dot

[VinegarTits]

kids should be not seen and not heard

[cory]

no, I'm not saying you should feel bad about it, shiney

just that I find dd's conversation as interesting as dh's, so I wouldn't feel the need

of course I can talk to her when she gets in from school, but the evening conversations with the three of us is something I don't think we would want to miss out on- she does join in more and more like an adult these days

[TrillianAstra]

Cory if your DD gets home before DH, and goes to bed at the same time, doesn't that mean you have you+DD and you+DD+DH conversations, but no you+DH conversations? I would want some of the last lot as well.

[VinegarTits]

12 is not adult though, and shouldnt be treated like one

[TrillianAstra]

(making ridiculous assumptions that you work less than DH there - maybe he is home before you and there are DH+DD conversations but no you+DD conversations)

[buttonmoon78]

Shineon - I can see your point in many ways. DD likes to watch tv but even after 8 there's some stuff I'm not happy with her watching. (In fact there's quite a lot before 8 but that's another thread)

So often the last hour before she goes up to bed is surfing online, listening to music vids etc, texting friends blah blah.

The only reason I don't send her upstairs to do that is it's my laptop and she's not ultra careful like I am. Oh, and that I want to be able to check what she's up to online!

[buttonmoon78]

My DD disagrees with how I preceive my parenting to be!

However, she ended up a little yesterday when her 'cool girl' mate came for tea and declared me to be the coolest mum!

DD didn't quite know how to react to that!

[buttonmoon78]

Or even 'perceive'. Doh.

[maktaitai]

Yeah, I don't know, if I'd been in my bedroom with a laptop aged 12 for 3 hours an evening, I'd have been watching porn. I suppose at least that makes you sleepy (eventually).

[VinegarTits]

im sure shiney has parental controls on her dd laptop

[VinegarTits]

and if you dont can you ask her if she knows any good porn sites for me?

[buttonmoon78]

It's not so much that I think she's looking at porn.

It's more the stuff that happens on forum sites etc. After all, there's some really nasty stories about people being groomed by paedophiles and some of the bullying I've seen is dreadful.

[buttonmoon78]

Plenty of recommendations here too - just let us know your 'thing'!

[maktaitai]

No sorry, it did sound a bit snippy. I'm probably only jealous because ds still won't go upstairs or downstairs on his own - ever. We'll see if the DS will change that

[VinegarTits]

god you pervy lot pm me

[cory]

Oh, I still get time with dh: dd goes off at 8.30-9 on her own accord because that is when she is tired, still leaves a couple of hours for dh and me time. Not to mention that she never gets up in time for breakfast, so we have that too.

It was the idea of expecting her to sit alone in her room for the best part of the evening (7.30 sounds very early), long before she needs to go to bed, that seemed odd to me. Of course she does naturally spend time up there on her own anyway, because she wants to. And if I want to be left alone, she can take a hint as well as dh. But we also like watching films together and play music and do other "evening" things.

I am not treating a child like an adult, just because I like talking to her- she has to obey family rules and I am not a walkover. But I cannot help noticing that she is behaving more and more like an adult in terms of joining in conversations on our terms and being able to pick up on social cues. I was the same at her age. And so is my nephew.

Maybe it's a cultural difference, then: it does sometimes seem to me that Swedish teens are treated (and behave) more like adults.

[VinegarTits]

7.30 is only an hour earlier than 8.30 or is that specific hour classed as the best part of the evening?

[TheReturnoftheSmartArse]

OP, you are the adult, so you are in charge and can TELL your DD when to go to bed.

My DD is 13. I wish I could get her to bed at 9pm and would be grateful for any advice! Trouble is, she spends so long on after-school activites, homework, general faffing, that she is rarely in bed before 10.30. And she is KNACKERED! I think it would help if I got home from work earlier, but there's not much I can do about that. Hey ho.