to start co-sleeping with my 11 month old?

[PavlovtheWitchesCat]

Its a gentle one. please?!

DS wont sleep/can't sleep whatever his reasons, most likely my fault, dont want to go into it ergain as I have a million threads about my sleep depravation already on the go in the archives.

Anyway, he is a clingy little thing, and loves company, dislikes being on his own for even a second. He dislikes being 'trapped' for example if the stair gate is shut on the front room he goes mad, even if I am in the hallway, where i was already, once it is shut, he gets upset.

So, given that today, he settled for longer for his nap than he has for a long time, while cuddling in with his mama while she was home from work for the day (another thing, he really is missing me when I am at work atm) and given that he sleeps soundly once brought into the bedroom at 5am ish, AIBU to start to co-sleep with him? DH is happy to do it, as night times are becoming (becoming?!! already were!) hard work.

Am I going to set him back a million years by doing this? bearing in mind he is not sleeping through anyway?

i'd do it definitely.
i am definitely of the "path of least resistance" school

i dont think its wrong to co sleep with him what about putting his bed into ur room until he gets confident to go into his own room might make him feel happy. I did this for short time with my 2nd son and now he is in his own room. he could be going through seperation anxiety. its what ever works for ur family really.

I am with thisisyesterday - whatever makes your life easier, you work and you need your sleep (as do sahm). I was once of the opinion that it was lunacy - now afaic dh can sleep with dd and me with ds if it means we get more than 2 hours sleep at a time!

christ no, yanbu. it's common bleeding sense, isn't it? And it's absolutely lovely.
enjoy. he'll stop by the time his voice has broken.

Nope YANBU ....sleep is so precious and the bedrock of all sanity so I say go with what works. DS1 co slept with us until he was 3 1/2 then one day announced that he wanted to sleep in his own bed and has done ever since ( he is now 5 1/2 and has no sleep or bedtime related issues at all) DS2 won't sleep in our bed ( believe me I've tried on nights when he won't go to sleep but he just isn't interested ) but he will sleep on our large sofa downstairs so occasionally I decant there with him when he won't stay in his cot.

you're not!
My DS is 15 months old and I have also recently started bringing him into bed with me in the early hours as I simply can't face starting the day at 5a.m.
I stopped co-sleeping on a regular basis when he was 8 weeks old as I found it uncomfortable and my back was killing me, but in general, I do whatever it takes to get some sleep.
He is now teething with molars and nights are not great.
I also returned to work 3 months ago and I know he is missing me - I can't walk away from him for 5 seconds when I get back.

YANBU

Do it!

My DS sounds like he's a little like yours. He was always quite clingy and a bit sensitive and I found he slept better if he was in with us. This was especially true if he wasn't getting time with me during the day. It seems important for him to catch up at night.

I didn't co-sleep from the start with DS1 and it just kind of happened from around 5-6 months. I've always been a kind of 'go with the flow' type of parent and don't really believe you can spoil a child with a bit of extra attention if they seem to need it. Co-sleeping really works for us, BUT it's not for everyone and I don't think I sleep as soundly as I would if DS wasn't in with us. However, it won't be forever and if you think he'd be happier in with you then I'd give it a try.

kaz I too think he is suffering from seperation anxiety. And I feel mean trying any kind of sleep training with him. So many people have/try to make me feel shit (mostly friends of mine whose children all slept through from the day dot) for not being 'firmer' but it just does not feel right as it does not feel like habit with him. I feel like he needs me at the moment. I have tried to explain this to DH, that he is different to DD, she was so much more independent and able to be happy on her own, still is happy to go play on her own with her bears/needs to for half hour each day. DH sort of gets it, then we go round in circles. He is, I think, accepting that DS is much happier when we are around, even at night. And in particular, when I am around. DS seems to feel my absence very keenly.

But, all the 'rule books' and all the wise mothers mentioned above seem to think having him with us is complete nuts.

DH said to bring him into us, as in his cot, once again. might be a good idea?

My son is 15 months and I would also like to cosleep. How does it happen at that age? It's just me in a king size divan, so quite a way off the floor. Would you recommend those toddler guards?

OK, when i say try, i don't mean they do it deliberately, just they seem to keen to impose their own opinions on me, so forcefully, that I feel like i have to justify myself to them, and if i disagree, it sounds like I am being prickly (which tbh i probably am).

DH said 'toss the book in the bin pavlov, we do not follow our lives as others do for the sake of it'.

Bring him in with you.

You don't teach kids to be independent by forcing it, IMO. DS2 is in my bed still, at 22 months, and we are both very happy with the arrangement. He has started thinking about his own bed, and will move there soonish I think, going by the other two.

Panzee I have a guard, but its a pain the ass, so we don't bother. I have cushions on the floor, but I also have a low level wooden based bed so if he did fall, it would not be far! And he also likes to sleep in the middle of the bed, sideways

Just to say that we have a bedside cot on one side and although DS generally doesn't sleep in it, it does stop him from falling out. People have various sleeping arrangements (some have a mattress on the floor). When we travel we take a bolster with us to stop DS from falling out. However, the older they get the more aware they are and the less likely to fall out.

I've also heard of people using pillows on the floor just in case.

Good idea to start co-sleeping.
sounds like he needs to be close to you and feel reassured. Co-sleeping will make him more confident. It won't set him back in any way at all!

yy, bring him in if it works. DS was just as crap with me as without, but I do love it when he does sleep with me. And it's time to treasure - it won't last forever.

Your DH is v wise!

I did this when DS1 was 2. We would put him in our bed at 7pm (and then would go to bed ourselves at normal time).

Before we did this we had a screaming distressed child at bed time with endless wake ups and getting up at 5am every morning.

After we began co-sleeping he was a different boy at bedtime, slept through all night and would wake up at 8am. Heaven! We did buy a super king sized bed though which helped our own sleep.

He decided when he was 4 that he was old enough to sleep in his own room and that was that!

Go for it.

Oh do it!

And you're not making a rod.

I co-slept from birth (never even bought a cot) and fed back to sleep every 2-3 hours until 22 months and felt she was ready (dovetailing neatly with me having had enough) I did up her room, bought a kid's, made a fuss and told her what was happening and waited on the edge of the bed until she fell asleep (bit of tears, lots of cuddles but I never left her and always comforted her) and she slept through that very night -11 hours.

Couldn't believe it. I was in shock.

I hated the bed guards and used to put pillows on the floor and a rolled up towel under the bed sheet to create a ridge

I started co-sleeping with DS (first child) at a similar age. I had been really resistant as so many people seem to tell you that they need to be independent yada yada. But my need for sleep was greater... He would start the night in his cot and then come in with us on first waking. By 18 months he wasn't coming in until 5am, then all of a sudden just after 2yrs DH & I woke up without a little body between us. DS sleeps well now (4yrs) and is happy to go to bed.

Second time around DD was in our bed from the beginning.

Oh, just do it. DD went sort of nuts at about 16 months, having always previously been a perfect little sleeper. She used to bang her head on the side of the cot so hard it left a bruise (minutes after being left, I wasn't leaving her to yell for hours) and cried with genuine desperation - I did know the difference. I think it took two incidents of that and I just thought 'this is not worth it for anyone, how is it helping?'

So she just came into our bed and slept with me (DH used to go into the single next door if he needed a good night's sleep as DD was still in the arms and legs in your throat at midnight phase). At about two and a half, she went into a little bed in our room and now goes to sleep perfectly happily alone. I know that it set us back in some ways - it took a long time to wean her off going to sleep in my bed - but I believe it was worth it for peace of mind. And it was definitely worth it for the mornings where she would stir at 6 but happily go back to sleep beside me until 7.30 or 8 when I know if she'd been elsewhere she'd have cried for me.

At 16 months, I used to just put her in between me and DH. If he was next door, I'd put a few pillows beside her. She only fell out once and no harm was done (although we all got a horrible shock).

BTW, I think it was definitely separation anxiety in my DD's case. I think letting her know that I was always there for her by the simple method of actually being there was definitely a good thing.

Bugger what other people think. He's your DS, you know what he needs. TBH I tended to lie to be vague about the specifics of our nights with people who thought knew exactly what I should and must do.

I would try the cot in your bedroom / bed in his bedroom type approach briefly first just in case he's happy with that. but only because I never sleep properly with DC in the bed.

habbibo you have just made me cry! Not about DH being wise either although I shall tell him that, he is not always on matters such as this!

You made me cry as I have been fretting about wishing this time away by the whole 'this too shall pass' mantra. I don't want it to pass yet, I want to enjoy it, and as you say, treasure it, but the nights have been so so stressful its taking over everything else. And I don't want that to happen as he is so lovely and the best little boy in the world, happy and content and chilled as long as he gets his mummy time. You are right, this time will not be here forever, i won't be sleeping with him in my bed when as racetobed said his voice breaks so I should cherish it.

In fact, you have all made me cry. I felt certain you would all say 'are you MAD woman?'

YANBU Do it, my little girl is the same, I spent the first year of her life so tired, it wasn't worth it. She sleeps so much better with company, never underestimate the power of sleep .

Absolutely. Do what works. We coslept with DS from the beginning and loved it, and he cheerfully decided to go into his own room at about 2 1/2 - I found the transition harder than he did and still secretly love it when he decides to spend a night in with us! Enjoy some cuddly nights now while he wants to snuggle up with you - he'll spend plenty of time in his own room when he's a teenager! ;)