to start co-sleeping with my 11 month old?

[PavlovtheWitchesCat]

Its a gentle one. please?!

DS wont sleep/can't sleep whatever his reasons, most likely my fault, dont want to go into it ergain as I have a million threads about my sleep depravation already on the go in the archives.

Anyway, he is a clingy little thing, and loves company, dislikes being on his own for even a second. He dislikes being 'trapped' for example if the stair gate is shut on the front room he goes mad, even if I am in the hallway, where i was already, once it is shut, he gets upset.

So, given that today, he settled for longer for his nap than he has for a long time, while cuddling in with his mama while she was home from work for the day (another thing, he really is missing me when I am at work atm) and given that he sleeps soundly once brought into the bedroom at 5am ish, AIBU to start to co-sleep with him? DH is happy to do it, as night times are becoming (becoming?!! already were!) hard work.

Am I going to set him back a million years by doing this? bearing in mind he is not sleeping through anyway?

I've come to the conclusion that quite a lot of toddlers do this at that sort of age and I let mine whenever they want. I'd def go with the flow and enjoy it. I have a sneaking idea it makes them confident and secure (no evidence at all you understand!) If you are all happy that's great.

go for it

I did this with all 4 of mine at some stage, especially from around 4pm onwards, when they were toddlers.
I seem to recall the worst problem was the whiff of stinky nappy waking us both up.

I can categorically reassure you that they all now sleep in their own bed(well maybe not the older 2) and through the night, but they do range in age from 12 to 21.

OMG he is a fidget! I remember now why we stopped doing this before! He tosses and turns and grimbles and grumbles the whole night through! not crying though, and not asking for boob. He wanted milk twice and settled back again, after only 10 mins, where if i had got up to see to him, by the time i had got to him he would be bouncing and wide awake so would be up anywhere between 30mins and 1 hour, sometimes longer. He woke at 6am but that was mostly due to dd the early bird waking him up, think he might have stayed asleep a bit longer if not for that.

I think i slept badly as i was conscious of it not working if that makes sense? i was waiting for his stirrings to become awakenings so had my eye open for this. Also, he dislikes the duvet over him (over his bottom half only). I had not put him in a full sleepsuit as worried he would overheat so i shall do that tonight and have him sleep on top. What does everyone else do regarding duvet etc?

I think, it is going to take a few nights of getting used to how we all sleep as he actually does not like being held in close, he likes to spread himself out, but with us in sight, and to touch if he wants to. I noticed that through the night.

But despite the grimbles and grumbles, i am not sure they were unhappy ones, just ones of a fidget!

I am shattered, but sort of feel there is an end in sight, i can't explain, because i had a rotten night. But the endless up and down and waiting for the hour+ to end and him go to sleep again did not happen.

Fingers crossed for tonight. DH and I will talk about the cot coming back in, as he might prefer that (DS not DH!).

unanimous ]

Can you take one side off the cot and make it a bedside cot, so that you can have him close, but not squished in?

alas no, firstly it is a cot, not a cotbed, and secondly, we have a japanese style bed with a wooden lip around the edge of it, he would just roll onto that not our bed.

Shame, as I think that would be perfect for him. He would sleep brilliantly with that set-up

We took the side off ds's cot - are you sure it can't be done? You need to make it a bit more stable (we used lots of duck tape!) - our bed has a lip round the side, so we pushed ds's mattress onto the lip, flush with our mattress, then put foam in the gap at the other side of the cot, and covered his mattress and foam in a fitted sheet. Worked well, except the bugger still woke up 70 000 times a night.

I did this with my DD1. 8 years of it. 8 years in her bed. It is only in the last 2 months she started to sleep on her own. I was gone mad in the end. So for that reason I would say don't do it.

YANBU - HOWEVER I probably need to start a thread as to how to end our 3 year old co-sleeping with us most nights. She starts off in her bed (usually) but always comes in with us during the night.

It's actually a miracle I am pregnant. And it now has to end. HOW? So OP, be prepared for a battle at the other end of this journey.

I am pretty certain it can't be secured, but I am known to attempt a bit of bodging will have a look...

We taped the remaining sides to the base and each other - just a bog standard mothercare cot. It coped with dd (4) bouncing on it.

We started sort of co-sleeping with DD when she was 11 months.
We had her cot in our room, but she would fall asleep with me on our bed (usually she would BF to sleep). Then I would carefully pop her in the cot.
She would wake in the night - because the cot was right there we would hear and react quickly, and pop her in the middle of us before she had got too worked up.
She would usually fall straight back to sleep again.
She would wear a baby sleeping bag and sleep on top of the duvet between me and DH - but closer to me, there would be a gap between her and DH, for my peace of mind (worried he might squash her).
Sometimes she would be sound asleep, I would be awake and then I would pop her back in the cot again.
Other times I would fall asleep too straight away.
Other times she would be a bit wriggly, but at least she didn't cry, so we still got better sleep.
She gradually grew out of it throughout the next year, started coming into our bed just a few times a week, then less and less - although she always had to start off with me on our bed to fall asleep in the first place.
She is nearly 3 now and falls asleep on her own in her own bed, and only ever comes in with us if she is ill.
No way of predicting what will happen in the future, imo, so I would say try and get the best night sleep you can for the moment.

Btw, my friends were the same, horrified I let DD in with us, constantly telling me I should have her out of our bed, into her own rroom, did get me down a bit. But she is a fantastic sleeper now, so I'm glad I didn't listen to them.

habbibo I am lying here considering all the ways I can make it secure!

I haven't read the thread so apologies as probably just repeating what everyone is saying but I would say YADNBU. We have an 11 month old too. She used to sleep through the night in her own cot but for various reasons has just got more and more unsettled at night. She is going through a clingy patch which is probably also partly related to my going back to work. We have started putting her in her cot at bedtime and then bringing her in with us from whatever time she first wakes and cries - often as we go to bed or about 1.30am-ish. As the three of us with her sleeping crossways between us was a bit challenging in a 4 foot 6 bed we have bought a 6 footer from IKEA - best thing we ever did and now we all sleep well until about 7am (6 now the clocks have gone back ). Then the eye-poking and face-slapping starts...

They are only little for such a short time, I think if they need reassurance and your presence at night to sleep, why fight it? Especially if it gives you a decent night too .

We spent so long trying to battle with DD to get her to sleep properly. Things got a lot better when we put a double bed in her room, whenever she was unsettled, one of us could hop in. Result, we all get more sleep. I think the rod for your own back brigade have obviously not had kids that were rubbish at sleeping, because if you do, you need to do whatever it takes In order to get some rest.
If I had realized that earlier, then maybe I would have enjoyed her first year a bit more instead of feeling like death warmed up.

barb - hieeeeeee

mojo - with ds1 we did a star chart, and it worked. Not a big battle, even though he had slept on and off in our bed for 3.5 years. He got a star every morning if he stayed in his bed all night. Going to school nursery and now school also knocks him out so much, he rarely wakes anyway. If we are on hols/ staying with parents, he sometimes comes in with me, but mostly he stays in his own bed.

merry cheers - we actually started one this morning. Well we would have except she didn't stay in her bed so we talked about why no sticker this morning - she seems to get it.

Good to hear it worked for you - hope it does for us too as 3 in a bed when I'm pregnant & not very well = not much sleep for ME!! DP & DD snore away & I'm thinking the sofa is looking great.

mojo - ha ha. I was pregnant with twins and commissioned the double bed to myself. dh slept with ds1 in a tiny single bed! Food for thought! (After the birth he also shared with ds1 for a while as I shared the double with the babies - it helped ds1's security in the face of 2 newborn babies to have that contact with Daddy). Worked for us, but would maybe not be for everyone. Everyone got into their own cots/ beds etc when the babies were 6 months old.

hi Pavlov, thanks so much for the link. What a lovely thread. I'm in heaven!

Or would be if I wasn't in a very similar boat to you Mojo! I'm on the sofa right now being kicked from the inside out by DS2. DH is snoring like a tractor. DS1 so far as I know is still in his own bed (although I swear DH goes and gets him as soon as I leave the room - he's a soppy git sensitive father and still misses DS now he's in his own bed!).

I've spent most of the pregnancy fretting slightly about how we're going to manage 4 in a bed, but lacking motivation to do anything about it. I spent weeks sleeping on the sofa earlier on in pregnancy as sickness seemed to be exacerbated by lying flat and it wasn't practical to have tons of pillows with DS in the bed. DS does mostly sleep in his own room now, but tends to come in to us around 6ish each morning. Tbh I find DH much harder to sleep next to!

Now I've only got 3 weeks to go, any attempt at trying to get DS to stay in his own bed has gone the same way as the potty training - down the pan. I feel a bit like, what's the point when he will probably regress for a while when the baby's born anyway? I don't want him to feel rejected when his brother arrives. If you are earlier in pregnancy it is probably a much better time to make the effort to get your DD in her own bed so she doesn't associate the 2 events iyswim.

Merry I like your idea of DH going in with DS - I think if our bed's too cramped with 4
we'll have to look at getting a bigger bed in DS's room so DH can go in with him if he wakes up.

Loveliness all round

4 in a bed
what a dichotomy - the loveliness & the horror!!! We already have kingsize that takes up most of the bedroom - where to go from here???

When I was a teenager and spent most of my days asleep, I used to wish for a bed that filled the room from corner to corner. Maybe you could progress to that FGM! :o

Hi everyone just thought I would I update.

So DS is in with us. I have been co-sleeping on my own for a week or so, been reasonable, but no cot, then we were all sick apart from DS! so he was in his cot and we just dealt with it. This week reached a head with sickness/work etc and 4 nights ago we moved the cot in with us, not yet completely against the bed, but will be doing this today. I did 3 nights in another room and DH did the night wakings with DS. He woke, and settled so so much more easily than ever before.

Last night, i was back in bed, he woke at 11pm for a feed, back to sleep no fuss, woke with a cough in the middle of the night, DH sorted him, he did not fuss, although took 30 mins as he has horrid cough, then woke for feed at 5am, straight back to sleep, in bed with us and he is still asleep with DH.

He woke once last night before 11pm, rolled over towards the bed, bum in air like he was going to sit up, straight back to sleep in the same position. It is so obvious that he wanted to be nearer us, to be able to see us. Although it has only been one night, each night has seen an improvement over the last 4 nights. I just hope it continues as our cot might not cope with being dismantled and moved again .

habbibo meant to add if you read this, told DH you had used gaffa tape to sort the cot and he said 'i was going to suggest we take the sides off and strengthen it somehow' so great minds eh and that is what we are going today, mostly as DS likes to spread out.

bumping for some praise

8pm-5:20am (mik) 5:30am-6am

For the first time EVER.

He is not ill
He was not drugged
We did not have ear plugs in so could not hear him
We were not in another house

He was in his cot, next to us, back in our room, until his morning milk, then in with us.

EVERYONE I spoke to about this in the Real World told us it would never work, we were crazy, we would be Making a Rod. He will wake up more, he needed to break the Mummy habit and we needed to Get Tougher not softer, yada yada yada. I have one word to say to you lot. WRONG.

So, he is not co-sleeping atm but that is mostly because we have not yet 'customised' the cot and he is doing fine right next to us in his cot, but we are ready and prepared to change this any time he wants us to. Co-sleeping or in his own cot right up against our bed, he so desperately needed to be near us.