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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take my children to a nice restaurant for lunch

58 replies

Nikna · 30/10/2010 21:29

The idea fills me with dread, but DH booked a lunch at a nice restaurant today for my birthday. DS (3yrs) sat at the table really well playing with his cars, but when being encouraged to eat his meal did shout too loudly "its too hot!". Next thing I knew there was a man storming passed the table telling me "I should learn how to control my child!" as he walked out.

It wasn't as if he was running around the restaurant like a maniac. Of course should not let said, rude, miserable man upset me.... but here I am still stewing on it.

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 30/10/2010 21:31

rude man if the situation is exactly as described. In similar circumstances I would say to one of my dds (in a firm and clear voice) that they need to be quiet as other people need to eat their dinner in peace as well. (more for nosey people's benefit than my own dd! :) )

It is common and acceptable ime for a 3 year old to make the odd loud/honest comment.

HumphreyCobbler · 30/10/2010 21:32

oh please don't think about it any more

you were very unfortunate to be sitting near such an unpleasant person

don't let him spoil your birthday, he was clearly being unreasonable

onimolap · 30/10/2010 21:34

It may be common for children to be loud, but that doesn't mean it's acceptable.

That doesn't excuse the rudeness of the other diner.

booooooooooyhoo · 30/10/2010 21:34

ignore. it was lunchtime in a public restaurant. your ds was entitled to be there. children need to experience these scenarios for them to learn how to behave. the man is rude and intolerant of others.

Original poster
Nikna · 30/10/2010 21:37

Yes need to stop thinking about it. Thought Mumsnet might help give me closure! Even the waitress told me to ignore the comments and said DS had done well to sit through lunch.

Too sensitive, thats my problem

OP posts:
pantaloons · 30/10/2010 21:37

I take my 3 out and all 3 are under 8 and have no concept of volume control. In the past I have spent the whole meal shushing them, but to be honest I end up making more noise than they do!

Forget about the man, who was obviously never a child himself and enjoy your family time together. Like I (try) to!

HecateQueenOfWitches · 30/10/2010 23:07

Ah ignore the man. If the worst thing your 3 yr old did was say something in a louder voice than you would have liked, he did well. Grin

Some people are just mean. Few weeks ago I was standing at a cash machine with Himself and both our children. ds2 was gibbering a bit and went up to the woman at the next cash machine. Himself suddenly said "come here X" (ds2) and I asked "What's he done?" (bear in mind that I was getting cash and Himself was supposed to be holding onto the kids, so I didn't actually see anything), this woman turns round and spits "He touched my hand. You should learn to control your kids"

Shock He touched her hand? Shock wow.

I'm afraid I came over all common Blush and yelled "He happens to be autistic, why don't you try living that life!" and then Himself had to grab hold of me because I started off after her. Blush To thump her. Blush.

Shock horror. Child touches woman's hand in public place.

What really got me was she would clearly have seen that I was at the cash machine and it was Himself who had failed to grab ds2 in time, yet it was ME who she spat her comment at.

That's what got me more than anything. She was really lucky Himself grabbed me. Blush

Sorry, that turned into quite a rant Grin but the point is that some people are just - well, if I said it it would just get deleted Grin. One loud remark, one touch of the hand and the child is awful and the parents are terrible and they are the innocent victim of our combined horribleness.

Scuttlebutter · 31/10/2010 00:05

Pantaloons, if you have three kids with no volume control in a nice restaurant, where me and DH have saved our pennies to eat in, for a special occasion, then i would either complain or leave. I wouldn't tolerate adults bawling and shouting, and don't like noisy children for the same reason. Well behaved kids (of whom there are plenty) are a pleasure to be around, and I commend parents who have taken the trouble to practice good table manners, indoor voices and consideration of others.

GrimmaTheNome · 31/10/2010 00:24

I think your DS was not unreasonable to protest at being encouraged to eat food that was too hot, and quite understandable that he might have got the volume control a bit wrong.

I would suspect that the man was angry about something else and wanted an excuse to leave the restaurant anyway. What you've described barely merits mild tutting.

KittyFoyle · 31/10/2010 00:28

At a local proper restaurant near us (we were there tonight in fact with 2, 5 and 7 year olds) - you know, candle lit, good wine list, murmuring couples, they have a children's menu with real food and on it say 'Your children's behaviour is up to you and we do ask you are considerate of other diners. However, if people tut and look at you as if their own children would never behave in such a way, please feel free to TURN UP THE VOLUME.'

You can see why we like it there.

Mooos · 31/10/2010 06:46

KittyFoyle you are bringing up children who are going to turn out to be horrible brats if that is your sad attitude. How ignorant you must be.

weblette · 31/10/2010 07:01

Have a well-mannered Biscuit Mooos

It sounds lovely Kitty. Just the sort of place which would ensure your dcs learn how to behave when eating out.

OP YANBU - braying adults would have made far more noise and I've come across plenty of them.

SpookyMousePink · 31/10/2010 07:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlpinePony · 31/10/2010 07:21

Tbh "it's too hot" is a lot better than "mummy, than fat man smells of wee" - it could've been worse! Wink

Learn to smile and mouth "fuck of" - it feels great!

ForMashGetSmash · 31/10/2010 07:28

This is why I love Italy where DCs are welcomed gladly into restaurants...even the male waiters are kind to them!

Last time we went when my younger DD was still a baby the staff in one place made a massive fuss...givnig my 4 year old little boxes of Panettone and sweets as we left. During the meal the waitress took my youngest in her arms all around the room, showing her things and introducing her to people!

That man sounds like he was LOOKING for a row!

mummytinks · 31/10/2010 07:49

Like yourself OP I dread going to restaurants, I have DS3.5 and DS2 19months.

Whenever we arrive DS1 always wants to say hello to others and maybe have a wee chat with someone random about the specials, their day, dinosaurs....

They will sit and colour and be well behaved-(apart from the odd toy crashing to the floor) for a while, they generally get a bit bored between meal being ate and waiting for dessert.

Anyways my point is my children are good but I feel so aware of the other diners I try to hurry my son along and tell him not annoy others because I have now and again got odd looks from people.

These are not fancy restaurants they are quiet family places, I would never mind a child coming over to speak to me if I was eating so get really annoyed at myself for feeling so under pressure when worrying about my child who is just being friendly, inquisitive and basically .... a child.

In response to your OP, I think the man sounds like an arse and you have a well behaved little boy.

KittyFoyle-I like the sound of that restaurant. Grin

aendr · 31/10/2010 07:55

Mooos: I don't get your comment, KF is perfectly entitled to like a restaurant.
KittyFoyle: please name and anti-shame the restaurant, I'm hoping it's near me :-)
OP: I think children need to be exposed to social situations in order to learn how to behave in them. If the man is that sensitive to a bit of noise, then how's he going to cope with the worse behaviour of a more rambunctious child, or much worse - a bunch of child free (might have left them at home) adults out for a "good night out" (with lots of wine).

pastyeater · 31/10/2010 07:59

YANBU He was under control for a three year old. What more could you have done? Tied him to the chair and gagged him FFS? He(the man not ds) was the one being rude and badly behaved.I would have loudly but calmly told him that so all the other diners could witness him being told off. The smiling and mouthing "fuck off" idea sounds good. I'm looking forward to trying that one.

I am still stewing over the lady who told my friend to stop her two year having a tantrum in a supermarket. Don't understand why that one didn't make the headlines. What is the world coming to when parents allow toddlers to have tantrums! Angry Her daughter is now six.....

you are not being unreasonable

KittyFoyle · 31/10/2010 09:22

MOOOS - you are mistaken but I can see why you jumped to that conclusion. My children (and this isn't because I'm their blinkered adoring mother) are beautifully behaved and if they play up and disturb other diners would be taken outside immediately. They are considerate, respectful children who sit and enjoy eating in restaurants. They do ask to get down somethimes, once they've eaten and I if the atmosphere is right and other customers have made it clear they are interested, they sometimes go and chat to other people (often other people who also have decently behaved children). It's obvious when someone is delighted by the children and want to interact with them. We often have people saying 'You have a lovely family', 'what polite children' etc. Not being defensive but you don't know us and made a completely wrong judgement.

My point was the attitude of the restaurant. It does not sell itself as a plastic balls primary colours kiddie place and is intended to appeal to adults. But they acknowledge the customers of the future are children who are being brought up to appreciate food and learn how to have fun in a way that doesn't impinge of the enjoyment of other people.

The wording of the menu is theirs, not mine.

I think it makes parents feel they AND their children are genuinely welcome, that the restaurant trusts parents to know the boundaries and if their ARE diners (we've never come across them) who are just miserable gits, as mentioned in the OP, the 'turn up the volume' comment is obviously not an invitation to behave like yobs but an attempt to be light hearted about the fact that once in a while, someone's heart will sink just because they are seated next to children and make all kinds of assumptions about how dreadful they will be whatever they are actually like. I imagine you are familiar with the type.

To everyone else who understood why I like it, who might be nearby or on holiday in these parts, this is the place...

www.byfords.org.uk

SpookyMousePink · 31/10/2010 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsKalo · 31/10/2010 09:31

Stupid twat of a sad old man who probably has issues with his todger! ignore idiots like this or challengen them! I hate nasty people like that

KatyS36 · 31/10/2010 09:33

KittyFoyle,

Re your last post, its so nice to discover we're not the only people who take our DD to nice restaurants!

What always surprises me firstly how nice everyone is (where is this child unfriendly britain?) but also how many comments we get over her good behaviour. She knows how to bahave, mostly gets it right, and is whisked outside if she doesn't!

To the OP, man was being rude and unreasonable.

KAty

runnyhabbit · 31/10/2010 09:41

YANBU

We regularly take the ds out for lunch (5 & 3) Yes, they can be loud(ish) But we've taken them out since they were babies, and as has been said earlier, unless children go to these places often, they'll never know how to behave, and learn social skills.

However, I always a car or toy for them to play with, and generally ask for a table in a corner, so they can play to their hearts content(after they've eaten) without getting in anyones wayGrin

runnyhabbit · 31/10/2010 09:42

Plus, the boys really enjoy going out for lunch/dinner, so it's in their best interests to do what mummy and daddy sayGrin

WildistheWind · 31/10/2010 10:08

We've been taking our 3 DDs (7, 8, and 10) to nice restaurants since the eldest was 5. We've had ups and downs but they have learned to behave and they now even order their own food.

They have sketch books/ pens and usually keep themselves busy by chatting or drawing.

They are now so well behaved it has become a real treat for the whole family and we are all very excited when we all get ready for a nice meal out.

OP-YANBU