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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want my sister to understand?

92 replies

casualmnetter · 27/10/2010 21:25

I've name changed for this cos I'm a coward! My sis and her husband are fairly well off, they have a big house although there's only 2 of them and 2 little puppies. Me, dh and 2 dc's aged 1 and 2.5 went to visit for the weekend and at the mo, dh and I are just trying to cope with 2 little ones and working etc etc. Anyway, we left a number of nappies in nappy bags on the front door step to be put into the bin by anyone who happened to have shoes on when leaving through the front door, we didn't communicate this, we just assumed that people would do it to help (as we would do if we had our shoes on). However, on Saturday night I had bathed DD and taken her downstairs to grandma who was also staying whilst DH bathed DS. When I cam downstairs I had a nappy in a nappy bag in my hand to put outside but DH shouted for bath toys and I left the nappy bag with nappy on the sideboard in the hall whilst I ran upstairs with the bath toys. Whilst upstairs I heard my sisters husband complaining to my mum 'It's getting worse' I had no idea what he was referring to but was aware that my mum was jumpy (I should add that my mum is very anxious and old) I asked mum what was going on (innocently thinking that sister's husband was referring to a leak in a pipe or something) mum refused to tell me for a while but eventually said it was the nappies and that we should have put them in the bin. I promptly went to speak to sister's husband and said that I understood he was unhappy about me leaving nappies on the doorstep and I was sorry but I had hoped that people would help us out by putting them in the bin when they go out. Sister's husbnd said that we should no better. I said that I think he should have told me if he had a problem and not involve my aged mum with anxiety issues. He said that it was wrong that I did it. he did not give any explanation as to why he involved my poor mum. I could go on but won't! What do people think of this? AIBU leaving nappy bags on the front doorstep? Should we support each other as a family?

OP posts:
EmpressOfTheUniverseReality · 27/10/2010 21:28

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GeorgeOsborne · 27/10/2010 21:29

Yes, yabu - especially if you hadn't explained what you were doing wrt to leaving them on porch, and anyway, just yes, you shouldn't leave nappies in nappy bags lying on sideboards in other peoples houses. Would just apologise and move on.

(What's the money, big house etc, got to do with it?)

MrsFlittersnoop · 27/10/2010 21:29

YABVU to leave stinky nappy bags on the front doorstep of someone else's house. Why on earth can't you put them in the bin yourself?

That's revolting.

activate · 27/10/2010 21:30

yes you're being unreasonable - you should have slipped your shoes on and put them in the bin

you owe them an apology

faverghoulles · 27/10/2010 21:32

I'm sorry, but yabu.
What does the size of their house have to do with it?
No matter where I stay, I would never expect anyone else to deal with my dc's nappies. Leaving them on the doorstep is just minging, as they still have a particularly nasty whiff!

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 27/10/2010 21:33

We don't know the nappies were dirty, possibly just wet, and at least they were in nappy bags - but "a number of" them is a number too many. Sorry, OP, YABU.

huddspur · 27/10/2010 21:33

YABVU You left dirty nappys on his doorstep and you expect them to be happy about it.

EmpressOfTheUniverseReality · 27/10/2010 21:33

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cat64 · 27/10/2010 21:34

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onepieceoflollipop · 27/10/2010 21:34

tbh I think you have been lazy. If you really couldn't manage to make it to the bin, perhaps you could have directly asked your relatives to do it. Personally I would have put them in a bin in my room and made a trip to the bin every few hours unless the nappy was particularly stinky.

I really hate seeing nappies on anyone's doorstep. NO need for it in your own home, let alone anyone else's where you are a guest.

LoveMyGirls · 27/10/2010 21:34

Your sister and her husband have no children and you desend on them with 2 children and leave nappies by the front door and then on the sideboard, they won't understand because they haven't got children, I understand it's busy and stressful having young children but with 5 adults and 2 children in the hosue I do think you and your dh should have made more effort to get the nappies put into the bin immediately as you were guests in their home (regardless of size/ wealth), if you want to do that system at home then it's up to you but as a guest I think you should have made more effort because it is slatternly behaviour imho.

faverghoulles · 27/10/2010 21:34

Did you help clear up puppy poo to support them?

unfitmother · 27/10/2010 21:35

YABU, you should have binned them.

DuelingFanjo · 27/10/2010 21:35

yabu.

EmpressOfTheUniverseReality · 27/10/2010 21:35

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Madinitials · 27/10/2010 21:35

I think YABU, even more so if they were dirty as opposed to wet nappies. Your Dsis and BIL don't have children so they would not expect to see and bin nappies on their doorstep. I have a child and defo wouldn't leave my nappies for someone else to sort out (except DH and that's only when we're at home).

DanceOnTheDarkSide · 27/10/2010 21:35

YABU, I wouldn't expect to move nappies from my own doorstep whoever the guest was. And one of mine is still in Nappies!!

We do leave the dirty nappies out by the side of the bin, literally just fling them out of the door. DH is out many times a day because he smokes and he picks them up and puts them in the bin. I wouldn't use that method at someone elses house though!

EmpressOfTheUniverseReality · 27/10/2010 21:36

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onepieceoflollipop · 27/10/2010 21:37

If I was your bil I would secretly be worrying what other mess you will be leaving for them to sort out as you are so "busy."

For example, do you leave the loo unflushed/skid marky? Would you leave towels on the floor. I would be worried about your general hygiene levels and the impact on my comfort in my own home (even if I only had a small home Wink)

gizzy1973 · 27/10/2010 21:37

yabu at other peoples houses is polite to put nappy in bin - you had your dh there as well so no excuse not to do it

unfitmother · 27/10/2010 21:37

YABU, you should have binned them.

taintedpaint · 27/10/2010 21:37

Yes YABU, but your BIL was also out of order for involving your mum. I'm not a fan of the passive expressions of anger that often come out in families like that. Of course you are wrong and you should definitely apologise, but your mum should have been nowhere near that conversation.

Mind you, I have a friend who leaves dirty nappies everywhere when she comes to visit me with her DS. I'd be bloody lucky to find them on the doorstep and not somewhere in my living room. Sorry, slightly off point, but I so rarely get to moan about it!

Madinitials · 27/10/2010 21:39

Well not MY nappies obviously and DH & I have a system going wrt to pooey nappies.

pozzled · 27/10/2010 21:39

YABU. Of course. Clearing up dirty nappies is the sole responsibility of the parent.

EmpressOfTheUniverseReality · 27/10/2010 21:39

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