to want my sister to understand?

[casualmnetter]

I've name changed for this cos I'm a coward! My sis and her husband are fairly well off, they have a big house although there's only 2 of them and 2 little puppies. Me, dh and 2 dc's aged 1 and 2.5 went to visit for the weekend and at the mo, dh and I are just trying to cope with 2 little ones and working etc etc. Anyway, we left a number of nappies in nappy bags on the front door step to be put into the bin by anyone who happened to have shoes on when leaving through the front door, we didn't communicate this, we just assumed that people would do it to help (as we would do if we had our shoes on). However, on Saturday night I had bathed DD and taken her downstairs to grandma who was also staying whilst DH bathed DS. When I cam downstairs I had a nappy in a nappy bag in my hand to put outside but DH shouted for bath toys and I left the nappy bag with nappy on the sideboard in the hall whilst I ran upstairs with the bath toys. Whilst upstairs I heard my sisters husband complaining to my mum 'It's getting worse' I had no idea what he was referring to but was aware that my mum was jumpy (I should add that my mum is very anxious and old) I asked mum what was going on (innocently thinking that sister's husband was referring to a leak in a pipe or something) mum refused to tell me for a while but eventually said it was the nappies and that we should have put them in the bin. I promptly went to speak to sister's husband and said that I understood he was unhappy about me leaving nappies on the doorstep and I was sorry but I had hoped that people would help us out by putting them in the bin when they go out. Sister's husbnd said that we should no better. I said that I think he should have told me if he had a problem and not involve my aged mum with anxiety issues. He said that it was wrong that I did it. he did not give any explanation as to why he involved my poor mum. I could go on but won't! What do people think of this? AIBU leaving nappy bags on the front doorstep? Should we support each other as a family?

I am joining the small camp of YANBU-ers. FGS, she left used nappies on the front step of a house belonging to a member of her family. It's a bit minging, yeah, but her sister and BIL should have (to quote mn) sucked it up a little. Or said to the OP, oy, clear up your own nappies, you dirty bitch (my brother would say that). Not go whinging and complaining behind the OP's back to her mum like she's a small child. I wouldn't have rung your BIL to apologise - he sounds like a tosser. I only hope he's not the kind of dog owner who leaves dog shit in the middle of pavements outside schools for kids to tread in.....

YANBU whats the big deal, its winter and i bet they dont want you coming in and out in your dirty shoes all the time. so long as when you went out you also managed to put the nappies in the bin also.

OP, YABU. Leaving used nappies to pile up on your sister's doorstep is just beyond the pale. It's in fact unacceptably slovenly. I have no idea what the size of their house has to do with the story- even if they lived in a shanty shack it would be unacceptable.

Surely flushing poo from a disposable nappy is bonkers? From an reusable one yes obviously I see the point. But emptying poo from a disposable, which still ends up in landfill, flushing said loo and wasting all the water / electricity associated with water processing, just so that your outdoor bin doesn't smell seems a bit OTT to me!

Still, different strokes and all that! I'm quite happy with the fact that my garden bin smells.

My preferred method is to stick the pooey nappy in a plastic bag and chuck it out of the back door to join a few others as I can't be arsed going out in the cold don't want to leave my baby unattended while I trek up the garden path to the bin.

Actually, maybe I am a bit of a scumbag!

YANBU. Agree with Tryharder, a few soggy nappies in bags is hardly the end of the world. BIL needs to chill out a bit.

You asked about your BIL at Christmas OP, could he have disappeared because they'd had an argument and obviously didn't want to draw attention to it?

I mean, where is he going to go on Christmas morning? Nothing apart from church is open. What happened when he came back?

I hate all that 'we've got to argue quietly and keep from other people' shit that goes on at Christmas.

I really cannot believe ANYONE thinks it is reasonable to leave a bag of dirty nappies at the front door and another one on the furniture when you are somebody else's guest. You all say that "people with no children don't understand". Ok. So, according to you, if the OP's sister and BIL came to stay at her house with their two puppies, it would be completely reasonable for them to leave a bag of puppy poo at the door, and another one on the table, "just for a short while". And if she complains about it, it is just because "she doesn't know what having puppies is, and after all, the poo was in the bag".

Really, is is THAT difficult and time consuming to put on some shoes and throw the nappy bag in the bin?? If anyone did that in my house I would personally throw THEM in the bin. As one poster did mention, what if their puppies had found the nappy bag and tore it appart??

It is a shame that you didn't mention about the bag on the doorstep before they noticed it but I do think your family (and some people on this thread) could have been more understanding.

We regularly stay at a house where there are dogs and which is entirely unsuited to little children (ornaments all over the place, wine racks at toddler level, and those scary stairs with gaps in etc). Also when the DCs were little, some of the dogs were puppies so with this plus the way the house was, we could not take our eyes off the children for more than a second. The house is big too and we were constantly following crawlers and toddlers around from room to room. It is extremely hard work!

I never got as far as taking the nappies out. I would always hand the bag to one of my family and ask them if they wouldn't mind popping it in the bin for me.

Hang on in there OP, DCs are older now and our visits to this part of our family have become relaxing and enjoyable again rather than a duty.

I can see you've admitted YWBU so not gonna bother but when you said your sister and her DH had 2 puppies I was sure it was because one of them had got hold of a nappy! yuck! I had one of those overpriced nappy wrappers with DD and our dog got the lid off more than once. Utter carnage all over the place! and oh god the smell.....

CurlyHairedAssassin, agree that in most houses I would ask the adults to chip in and watch the children and sort the nappies myself, but in the house I just referred to, given the amount of surveillance required, DH and I both felt that the other adults would not watch the children sufficiently. I wonder if that's how the OP felt?

Fortunately for me, the people I was staying with regularly cleared up their dog's poo and so weren't freaked out by holding a plastic bag of nappies for a few seconds and transferring it to a bin for me!

Even when I didn't have children of my own any visitors with children in nappies were always told to put nappies in the bathroom bin indoors and then I'd empty it once they'd left, it's called being a host. You don't have to be a parent to recognise that children come with added complications. I also insisted on cleaning my nephew's potty training accidents off the lounge carpet while my sister rushed around trying to sort out a change of clothes, though she certainly wasn't expecting me to. I you don't like kids perhaps you shoudn't invite them into your house.

sometimes, what needs doing doesn't occur to people without children, unless you tell tehm, i certainly have a very different attitude pre and after children, still struggle with those over the age of mine. experience is a grade.

I also don't think it's unreasonable to leave bagged nappies by the door until someone goes out. We do it at home, our friends do it, and I've done it at my mum's when visiting. Obviously if my mum said "Please don't do that, it's gross" I wouldn't do it, but I think the OP's BIL was very unreasonable to whinge about her to her mum.

YABU YABVU YABVVVVVU YOU TERRIBLE TERRIBLE PERSON

No point saying yabu because you've already accepted it - over and over and over

Good for you for being so accepting of your beating

It does somehow stick in the throat when you have to apologise to an obnoxious person, but it's the right thing to do.

Just re-reading this thread and thinking how funny it is that we all have such different opinions and standards. eg. someone thought I was deranged for putting solid poos down the toilet before putting nappy in sack in outside bin whereas the reason I used to do it was because in summer the stench from the wheely bin from old shits in there was absolutely minging! Honestly, if you flush the turd down the toilet first and just leave the smears on the nappy it makes you heave a lot less when you fling the nappy sacks in the bin! (That's assuming you don't just leave 'em to pile up outside and shove 'em in the bin all in one go! )

(I@m still laughing because, believe me, I ain't any kind of clean freak! I haven't dusted most of our rooms in about 2 years. I have let our beds go 3 weeks without changing - in summer. I have sometimes not cleaned the bathroom (apart from squirt of bleach down the bog) for 3 weeks either. Nope, I am certainly not that big on hygiene standards. But wrt to shit-in-a-bag, then - yes, I have standards!

Anyway....Just re-reading your OP, this kind of sticks out: "Whilst upstairs I heard my sisters husband complaining to my mum 'It's getting worse' This kind of seems to suggest that this was not the first thing they took issue with during your stay. Did they mention anything else that they saw was a problem when you apologised?