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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want my sister to understand?

92 replies

casualmnetter · 27/10/2010 21:25

I've name changed for this cos I'm a coward! My sis and her husband are fairly well off, they have a big house although there's only 2 of them and 2 little puppies. Me, dh and 2 dc's aged 1 and 2.5 went to visit for the weekend and at the mo, dh and I are just trying to cope with 2 little ones and working etc etc. Anyway, we left a number of nappies in nappy bags on the front door step to be put into the bin by anyone who happened to have shoes on when leaving through the front door, we didn't communicate this, we just assumed that people would do it to help (as we would do if we had our shoes on). However, on Saturday night I had bathed DD and taken her downstairs to grandma who was also staying whilst DH bathed DS. When I cam downstairs I had a nappy in a nappy bag in my hand to put outside but DH shouted for bath toys and I left the nappy bag with nappy on the sideboard in the hall whilst I ran upstairs with the bath toys. Whilst upstairs I heard my sisters husband complaining to my mum 'It's getting worse' I had no idea what he was referring to but was aware that my mum was jumpy (I should add that my mum is very anxious and old) I asked mum what was going on (innocently thinking that sister's husband was referring to a leak in a pipe or something) mum refused to tell me for a while but eventually said it was the nappies and that we should have put them in the bin. I promptly went to speak to sister's husband and said that I understood he was unhappy about me leaving nappies on the doorstep and I was sorry but I had hoped that people would help us out by putting them in the bin when they go out. Sister's husbnd said that we should no better. I said that I think he should have told me if he had a problem and not involve my aged mum with anxiety issues. He said that it was wrong that I did it. he did not give any explanation as to why he involved my poor mum. I could go on but won't! What do people think of this? AIBU leaving nappy bags on the front doorstep? Should we support each other as a family?

OP posts:
AScaryFuckingLemonadeDrinker · 27/10/2010 21:53

calm down calm down! YANBU, easy to forget when you have kids and others don't - I throw mine into corridor until I go that direction if DS is crying for a feed [shrug]. I don't think a few nappies in their bags warrant your BIL being rude. Although you say ' a few nappies' on the doorstep... if they were left longer than an hour or so while you were feeding or something, that is abit off at someones house... O I dunno... It is 'proper minging' dealing with poo before you have kids, or other peoples kids... hmmmm.....

hambo · 27/10/2010 21:54

Also, what would he do if one of your littles wee-ed on the floor or worse? Throw them out??

A1980 · 27/10/2010 21:55

What is it that you think your sister should have understood? I don't get it.

I would be appalled in anyone, family or not, left soiled nappies in a bag on my front doorstep. But I would have told my sister to her face to shift them.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/10/2010 21:57

Lots of x-posts here, that's all, onepieceoflollipop and oldlady - have you seen how fast people are posting?

MadamDeathstare · 27/10/2010 21:57

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beth24 · 27/10/2010 21:58

Ok.. can see now you have apologised .. all those posts came on whilst I was typing mine.. therefore mine may look a bit OTT now... credit to you for apologising repeatedly.....

As I said I do think your BIL was wrong with the passive aggressive bit....I can't be doing with people like that, they need to grow some balls and tell people when they have an issue with them... however the issue with that.... kind of got lost in the Ewwwww reaction I was doing on reading the original story....

casualmnetter · 27/10/2010 21:59

Right. Madam - thank you for reading the messages - he is passive aggressive and done lots of annoying things in the past (no doesn't excuse me for leaving nappies on the doorstep but noones perfect are they??)
Carrie - exactly, they were in nappy sacks so I'm not as digusting as people like to suggest, quite tidy really Wink
Jus - Wet socks? how could you? Surely that's worse than leaving pooey nappies on the doorstep?
George - I'm a decent person who is just a bit manic with trying to balance kids/work and annoying but sweet dh and annoying relatives who don't know what it's like to be stressed because Bil doesn't work.
Ok.. I'm opening myself up to mnetters who think I'm being unreasonable again...

OP posts:
wouldliketoknow · 27/10/2010 22:02

just one note for future references.
make sure you have anything you need at hand before putting a child in the bath, just for safety, if noone can come, or something essential you need...
i know some people are going to say i am overreacting, but seriously, is dangerous.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 27/10/2010 22:03

CurlyhairedAssassin, she admitted it nearly twenty minutes ago! Grin

BloodyMissIzzy · 27/10/2010 22:04

I think you should have mentioned/asked if they minded putting the nappies in the bin on their way past. Since you didn't do that, and just left them to pile up, I have to chime in with the YABUs I'm afraid.

My MIL puts dirty nappies in our kitchen bin Confused. I'll have to get that nipped in the bud now DD is on solids; those poos are stenchy.

cat64 · 27/10/2010 22:04

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cat64 · 27/10/2010 22:05

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gremlins · 27/10/2010 22:07

YABU - I yell at DH for leaving them at the back door when it's raining, I would be mortified at the sight of them on the front door.

However, the BIL could have just said it outright without involving your anxious mother, that's a bit unfair on her.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/10/2010 22:08

OP: "I'm a decent person who is just a bit manic with trying to balance kids/work". Yes, I agree, you do sound like a decent person. Maybe just a bit misguided on this nappy issue. Smile I'm just a bit curious, though, as to why you were feeling manic with your 2 little ones in a house which also presumably contained 4 other adults? Couldn't YOU have put the nappy sacks straight out after nappy changing while one of the adults kept an eye on the kids? I would think it's not unreasonable to chip in and help with stuff like that. It's just the actual transferring of the shit to the bin. Grin

Talker2010 · 27/10/2010 22:08

TBH, If this happened in my house, I would probably be too embarrassed to mention it to the parents but I might have grumbled generally

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/10/2010 22:09

that is, it's not unreasonable for the other adults to chip in and watch the kids, I meant.

SkeletonFlowers · 27/10/2010 22:13

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

casualmnetter · 27/10/2010 22:13

I didn't leave the nappies to pile up - there was a couple on the step and they were not pooey - they were weey (tmi) I also didn't leave my ds in the bath my dh was with him?
I have another query related to this now. My Bil is inconsiderate as far as I am concerned. for example we (me, dh, ds and dd) and grandma and grandad were all invited for christmas. On christmas eve I asked if we could open our pressies in the morning because of DS. It was all agreed that we would. However, in the morning Bil disappeared so we opened presents without him but sis wouldn't ask where he had gone.

OP posts:
gremlins · 27/10/2010 22:14

Actually, if this is what you and your DH do at home then I can see why it's no big deal, I suppose it's more realining the boundaries at other peoples homes.

How many days were you there before your BIL made it an issue with your mum? If they genuinely had an issue with it from the outset I think it's strange that they didn't just address it straight away, then it wouldn't have developed any further.

wouldliketoknow · 27/10/2010 22:17

casual, sorry, i didn't imply in any way that you left dc alone in the bath, i am just saying than when your dh baths the children would be a good idea for him to get everything ready first, i normally double check, but i am a bit of a control freak.
apologies for misunderstanding.

megapixels · 27/10/2010 22:19

I think this is one of the reasons why some people hate parents so much. I can't understand how you could think that it was ok to leave a bagful of used nappies on someone's doorstep. It has nothing to do with trying to "cope" with two little ones, disposing of used nappies properly in other people's houses is basic manners really.

TheFallenMadonna · 27/10/2010 22:26

Oh I think you lose sight of what's reasonable in the real world sometimes when you inhabit the world of nappies. You need a thread like this to remind you!

FanjoKazooie · 27/10/2010 22:31

Goodness me, chill people! She didn't smear poo all over their windows. She left a small plastic bag with a wee filled nappy on a doorstep.

OP I probably would have done the same, and I am a relatively hygienic person!

Your main crime was posting this on AIBU rather than parenting.

PS, flushing nappy poo down a toilet so as not to make your outside bin smell is deranged!

cat64 · 27/10/2010 22:38

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chillipickle · 27/10/2010 23:16

Flushing poo down the toilet is completely sensible! As well as not making your bin stink, it gets properly treated as sewage. Not so if it's dumped in landfill.

The only thing more unpleasant than a bin full of stinky nappies is probably a pile of them on your doorstep. Wink

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