to think that a 11 year old can be left home alone

[popelle]

AIBU to think a 11yo can be left home alone until their parent(s) come home from work on a regular occurance.

well I think so too if the 11 year old is not scared or lonely or at some kind of obvious risk.

In the USA it is illegal, isn't it, to leave dc under 12 unsupervised? Different cultures view this differently. I always find it hard to say hard and fast what is and isn't right here.

Why? Are you considering it for your child?

So for a couple of hours? No personally I wouldn't do that. But if you mean "can be left" as in legally, then yes you can, it's not illegal.

If they are in secondary school then there is very little childcare provision in any case. However, if it is going to be long term I would be a little worried about what they may end up getting up to!

Its just carrying on a discussion regarding single parents being made to look for work by the coalition Government.

depends on the child.
Me and my sister would have been fine. My brother would have burned the house down.

I think its fine and it shouldn't be used as a reason why a single parent can't work

Gosh I wouldn't do it unless it was desperate.

I remember when I was a young teen - 14ish - my grandma became gravely ill and my mum was hardly ever at home when I got back from school. I found it really lonely and hard. I hated it.

so the idea is a single parent cannot say they cannot work full-time because they could not safely leave their 11 year old at home alone till they get back from work? This as a reason for only working part-time is being ruled out? Not following the discussion, so have no idea about this.

Friend of mine was a single mum in Germany, they said she had to work full-time from the time her ds turned 8. It was considered that an 8 year old should be getting to and from school alone just fine and be able to be left at home till she got back from work. She was also obliged to work shifts including nights and weekends. She was told that an 8 year old needing her presence/supervision etc was not a viable grounds for refusing those hours.

So I think it is really more a cultural thing, how people perceive the independence a child can be expected to have at different ages.

This was very hard for my friend btw. I found it too harsh a ruling really.

Sounds fine to me. My DD did this when she started High School. We did float the idea of her going to an after school Youth Centre near her school but she was dead against.

However, she is a fairly responsible kid so I wasn't too worried about what she might get up to and we had an agreement in place for a while that she would text me to let me know she was home.

Depends on teh child but can be absolutely fine.

just to clarify what the OP means (as it's based on my future situation)

chances are DS1 will have to be a latch key kid from YR6. I don't have too much of a problem with this - although am not happy about the possibility of 5 days although week will do if if needs be.

I'm concerned about school holidays, where it wouldn't just be after school hours, but longer than that, on a daily basis.

I think it's fine, but would depend on for how long.

ie half-hour daily fine, 2hrs probably not.
Presumably you'd look into some kind of childcare if it was going to be a lot of time alone though.

will be hard on parents who cannot really afford any childcare. They just have the worry then (if they are unhappy about leaving their dc at home alone at that age)

Depends on the child entirely. My ds has AS, it's very mild, but even so I couldn't leave him. He'd be fine if nothing happened, but if he needed to deal with any minor problem (say he broke a glass or something) he wouldn't have a clue what to do. However his brother who is two years younger will probably be absolutely fine at that age.

and just to clarify I already leave DS1 at home sometimes on his own while I go to the shop, and he's already quite independent (well I think so) - has done a stirling job of "looking after" me today as I've been feeling like shite (sorted lunch, has been making me lemsips, and cooked dinner) . So it's not that I'm wanting to mollycoddle him or anything just the idea of him at home every day during school holidays when he's in YR6 currently worries me a bit.

YANBU the idea that this is a reason why someone cannot work is ridiculous

I think it would be fine tbh- although no cooking and a huge list of phone numbers and would let a trusted neighbour have a key too

YANBU I had to pick up from a childminder and look after my younger brother at this age until my parents got in. Pitiful excuse as to why someone can't work IMO.

I don't see anything wrong with it. We started leaving DS1 on his own at this age (he is now 13) and he stays at home by himself all day if he has a training day (I work in a school too but different councils) or if his holidays don't quite match mine. He has a key and comes and goes as he pleases throughout the day. He rings me at work and usually asks if it is ok for him to go out which it is. To be fair though, he usually doesn't get out of bed till mid to late morning...

Presumably there are other options for school holidays - playschemes, courses etc?

YANBU there is no reason why a 11yo can't be the first person home and amuse himself until his parents get home from work. Has someone actually suggested that they can't work because of this?

Of course it is, as long as they are sensible and follow your rules. They live up to expectations and if you think they are silly and irresponsible they will be!
It all depends on whether they are happy to be left.

I think it's ok, but depends on the child.

I had rules, though and you MUST sit down and explain what to do in an emergency first.

I sat down with dd and asked what she thought she should do in an emergency (fire/accident etc). She thought she would phone me. I explained although I, of course, want to be the first to know, she has to first call the emergency services if necessary (I would rather they were called out than she spent time calling me while she had blood gushing/a fire had started behind the telly) or alert a neighbour she trusts (next door neighbour is a friend and on speed dial on land line), then call me.

My rules are

No boiling kettle
No sharp knives
No answering phonecalls to numbers we don't know
No answering the door (neighbours and friends/family know to call first)
No friends over
No cooking except toaster
No fire of any description!

This may sound harsh but safety first. She can now do most of the above except the phone call/door answering. She always adhered to the rules as she loved having the place to herself!

I had to leave dd sometimes at just turned 11 and she is now 13 and will watch her wee sister aged 2 while I go to the shops etc, but never for more than an hour and I trust her implicitly.

I have friends who would never leave their kids alone at 11 tho. Horses for courses and aw that...

A 11 year old is more than capable of letting themselves in and being on their own in the house. You could even get them to start cooking tea.

If they are responsible completely fine. My DS was left at home for about 20 mins, when I did pickups, from about 9. (Always with me on the end of a mobile). DD who is eleven lets herself in after school and is home alone for about 45 mins to an hour when DS (15) gets home. I'm usually home by about 6ish. Don't think it's a problem at all. DH works abroad and comes home at w/ends and I'm also fine to go out for the evening but limit this to no more than one per week.

Up until this year we have had au-pairs but the DC were insistent they would rather be at home alone for a couple of hours than have another au-pair. (We had lovely ones on the wholel too).