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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that a 11 year old can be left home alone

121 replies

popelle · 27/10/2010 18:53

AIBU to think a 11yo can be left home alone until their parent(s) come home from work on a regular occurance.

OP posts:

MaMoTTaT · 27/10/2010 20:38

ZZZZ - just more provision during the school holidays, although cost is an issue it's more the availability that's problem - at least round here.

Hence why poor old DS1 is 99.99% certainly having to be "left out" of a childcare arrangement where he has socialisation and fun stuff to do. I have to concentrate on his younger siblings who are just too young to even contemplate leaving at home alone.

GypsyMoth · 27/10/2010 20:42

Mama......it could well be a case of all local neighbourhood kids are invited in...... including the GIRLS.......we'd never even know about it!!!

MaMoTTaT · 27/10/2010 20:44

gah - don't SD - I worry enough about my boys and the girls as it is.

Mind DS2 seems to be the one that attracts the most girls so DS1 not such quite a worry in that respect

ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 20:45

eee was it me who got the thread off on the wrong foot by asking what the OP was about etc?!

sorry about that

MaMoTTaT · 27/10/2010 20:48

zzz - I don't think your 19.01 post helped

ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 20:49

19:01? What was I posting then?

I must be losing my brain..

SuchProspects · 27/10/2010 20:49

Why do they have to be home alone everyday during the holidays MaMoTTaT? Why couldn't they go out or have (pre-screened) friends round?

I do think holiday provision is a real concern. I've wondered when we get to that stage about trying to set up a sort of club with other parents - each take a week off so there is an adult that can be called upon by any of the kids. Logistics seem hard though. And still probably means much less than ideal activity for the kids.

My other plan is to retrain as teacher!

ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 20:50

ah I see. I was really trying to fathom what it was about.

Sorry about that

MaMoTTaT · 27/10/2010 20:53

I'm not sure any their friends would be allowed round san adult on site. Most of their friends parents are still getting over the shock of DS1 walking to school on his own since he was in YR3

I also like to know where he is when he goes out, maybe I'm slightly neurotic there, but I'd like to know where he is for several hours a day. Most of his friends don't live "local" anyhow

ZZZZ - actually not sure it was just read it again, not quite with it today. DS1 has been looking after me today rather than the other way round.

hocuspontas · 27/10/2010 21:12

From what I can work out from other parents in this situation is they take staggered weeks off. They use most, if not all, of their holiday entitlement over the summer break, overlapping a week for a family holiday. Maybe involve both sets of ILs, this could possibly takes care of two weeks. The rest of the school holidays, Easter, Christmas etc, each partner takes a certain amount of unpaid leave. Obviously this will be difficult for a single parent. At 11 or 12 most holiday schemes will still be ok but do they start early and finish late enough? I'd consider a childminder for the summer break at this age I think. It's not fair to expect him to be on his own really. Would you let him out? Say he forgot a key? Would you trust him to make hot food? It's a long time to go without. Tricky one.

SuchProspects · 27/10/2010 21:13

Not having local friends would seem to make it much harder.

Walking to school on your own in YR3 is controversial? I'm a bit of an older mum so find a lot of the concerns about supervision to be a bit of an eye opener. Pretty much everyone i went to school with was walking on their own by YR3. I spent most of my summer holidays after 10 in front of a TV at friends' (also parent free) houses or off on my bike, only turning up in time for dinner.

I am slowly adjusting.

A suggestion to think about for your DCs if you do end up needing to leave them - could you set them projects that they would find interesting but would get them out to set places you'd feel safe about? Going to museums, local park, library, town hall, leisure centre? Build a go cart? Volunteer somewhere (hard at 11 I expect)? They could perhaps check in by phone every few hours or so.

Not ideal. And probably a lot of work. I don't mean to minimize your concern. Just something to think about in terms of making those long summers better for your DCs if you need to.

GypsyMoth · 27/10/2010 21:19

so how do we feel with 3 teens in the house home alone.....sibling rivalry/fighting/oneupmanship all at play??

MaMoTTaT · 27/10/2010 21:20

SP - thanks for those suggestions. I'm liking the library/leisure centre ideas. IT'somtimes hard when you're stuck "in" the situation to see ways to make it more bearable for them (and yourslf). Thankfully it's only one of my DS's I need to worry about - should be able to find proper childcare for the other 2

and yes - walking himself to school in YR3 was viewed with by many parents I know (even more are horrified that he walks DS2 (whose nearly 7 and very sensible across to very minor roads, 1 minute walk to school in the mornings )

MaMoTTaT · 27/10/2010 21:22

SD - 3 teens - well - the older teens would probably escape (as they'll be plenty old enough to) - the younger ones would probably shut themselves in their room

MaudOHara · 27/10/2010 21:37

I think whether lone parent or not, its a problem for most working parents - the school holidays are a long time for a child to be left alone at home.

I think you may be nearish to me (same county) and I think the holiday club playschemes run til 13 - I know its a cost but it might break the week up a bit if you could send him there one or two days a week?

TakeYourFunWhereYouFindIt · 27/10/2010 21:40

My 11 year old is about as mature and sensible as a child of that age can be but there's no way I would leave him alone all day. Not because I worry he'd hurt himself, but because I think he'd be utterly miserable. Too young IMO.

HerBeatitude · 27/10/2010 22:02

I wouldn't leave mine because he's not old enough.

But it's interesting that no-one answered my question. Should lone parents - or indeed any parents - be immune from prosecution if their children are injured when home alone, but the reason they are home alone is because their parent(s) are at work?

I think the difference for lone parents Maud, is that they've got 4 weeks of annual leave, while other parents have 8 weeks of annual leave to juggle between them.

bumpsoon · 27/10/2010 22:07

I love the fact that the tory spin machine jumped with both big fat feet into this thread or is it just me who thinks mumsnet has been hijacked ?

alypaly · 27/10/2010 22:08

social services tend to look at the maturity of the child unless they are very young.

HerBeatitude · 27/10/2010 22:10

Yes they do Alypaly.

Which is why I think it's pretty inappropriate for people to have a blanket rule about this. Some 11 year olds are easily mature enough to be left every day for a week, others shouldn't be left for 3+ hours every day. I think the parents concerned are usually the best judge of whether that child is old enough or not.

I don't know whether it's better to err on the side of caution or not.

A1980 · 27/10/2010 22:11

It does depend on the child. I would have been fine and would have enjoyed time alone. But then all i would have done with it was watch what I wanted on TV for a change and listen to music.

At 11 I was getting the tube / bus to school by myself etc. That's riskier than being at home alone perhaps.

ninah · 27/10/2010 22:12

how old is old enough to be left alone after school would you say? my ds is 8, I hadn't considered the issue yet

HerBeatitude · 27/10/2010 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

cory · 28/10/2010 09:55

My 10yo is mature enough to be left alone and has been left, but I would not want to leave him alone on a regular basis, because of the loneliness- given other parents' views, he can't have any friends round when I am not there. But am happy to leave him with 13yo sister for longer periods, as they get on well and are company for each other.

wotnochocs · 28/10/2010 11:06

It isn't healthy for a child of 11 to be home alone day after day during the holidays.They need to be interacting with other people

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