to think that a 11 year old can be left home alone

[popelle]

AIBU to think a 11yo can be left home alone until their parent(s) come home from work on a regular occurance.

My concern wouldn't be about a teenager being scared or lonely - I would be more worried about what they'd be getting up to while I wasn't there to keep an eye on them. You only have to read the pg DSD thread to shudder at what teenagers will get up to without supervision.

I was lucky in that I was able to be at home in time for my children when they got in from school. This meant I could help them with homework, drive them to clubs they wouldn't have had access to (no bus route there), prepare a decent cooked meal and supervise their own housekeeping skills. My DD suffered horribly from bullying at one stage and I was able to help her when she came home distressed from school.

So many of my friends' children have got involved with drink, drugs or sex before the age of 16 because they had free run of the home while their parents were at work. One parent even stayed away overnight for a business trip! I've been criticised in the past for 'not setting an example' because of not working, but I hardly think being absent from the home and being unavailable to your children is the best example to set!

Well this is the thing folksy - if a lone parent's child gets up to bad stuff because she's at work, she'll be lambasted for being a neglectful lone parent and people will go on about how lone parent families outcomes are worse.

And if she insists she needs part time work so that she can ensure her teenager doesn't get up to this stuff, she'll be lambasted as a skiver.

Can't win really.

Thing is, what do you do with them when they get to secondary school? Holiday options at this age are limited, and often only Easter/Summer, so nothing for half-terms or bank holidays (I get different ones to the kids). My 12-yr-old daughter is currently on a 2 week half-term, and I am leaving her alone for 3 days of it. Not worried about misbehaviour, but I am worried about her getting bored or lonely.

But it would be very expensive to give up my job all year round in order to be at home for those few weeks of the year when I'd like to be there with her. I already work part-time, and that is fine for term times, but part-time doesn't mean I get school holidays off .

for some reason I'm not quite so concerned about when he starts Secondary school, fingers crossed and he gets into the school I hope he does, then from 12yrs old he'll be doing a train trip 2x a day to the next town to go to school.

He's going to have gained a lot more enforced independence by then and will have the option of going up to the town during school holidays to meet up with friends (more to do in the next town when you're 12 as well than here)

Even if he ends up going "local" they're bigger schools's, he's going to have a bigger "pool" of people he can arrange to spend time with to fill

Depends on the child and depends how long for. Mine (12.5, 10.5)do stay at home on their own, would be illogical not to let them when they are allowed out to the shops/school etc on their own, take tehmselves to and from palces when we are out etc. Like a previous poster they cherish the chance to have the place to themselves and so stick to the rules - eg no cooking, no fighting - phone to be with them, switched on and charged at all times. DS1 is allowed to have a friend with him if the friend's parents agree - DS2's friends are more likely to fight & fall down the stairs, and so have not allowed that yet.
Longest I have left DS1 is about 4 hours - I think he would be lonely, so would not leave him all day.

I don't know what the legal stand point is, but when I was 11 I had to pick my 9 year old brother up from his school on my way home and then we were home alone for a couple of hours until our parents got in from work. I used to make tea for us both (just something frozen that could be shoved in the oven).

My DDs are still little though so I don't know how I will feel when they are 11.

Fine to leave a child at home for a few hours after school when secondary age. Try to find out about activities for school holidays and talk to other working parents to find out what they do, maybe you could arrange a rota?

Haven't read the whole thread so apologies if you have already said, but who/where is implying that parents of 11yo children should not work for this reason? Makes financial sense to return to work for most if you are only paying childcare for part of the school holidays.

Serendippy - I (in the thread this is a spin off from) wasn't talking about after school I was talking about the whole of the school holidays, for DS1 only (who will be just turned 11, in YR6, so still in jniors)

I know about 90% for sure I can find stuff for DS2 and 3- it's DS1 that'll be the problem. So I'll be paying for child care for the whole of the school holidays (not sure I'm going to dare to take much holiday as I'll probably need to save it for when one of the 3 is ill) for 2 children, and DS1 will be left to sort himself out.

I said I wasn't really comfortable about it, but never once said that it would stop me looking for work.

Fingers crossed it'll only for one school year, as once he's in seniors (if he gets a place were I hope he will)he'll be getting used to the journey to the next town - on his own, where there's more stuff for kids of his age to do, and will have a wider range of people to meet up with and pass the time with.

and I would be paying for childcare after school as well for DS2 and 3.

Thanks for explaining MaMoTTaT.

Maybe in another year your DS1 could look after your DSs2 and 3 after school? I was doing this from 12.

Tough call, would have to weigh up all the options. It still would make financial sense to go to work, especially with the benefit cuts. I don't think I could afford not to work for 11 years!

ooo - not sure I'd trust my 3 together, DS3 is only 3 now, he'll be 4.

Not sure I'd want at 12yr old looking after DS3 in a years time. I mean he's pretty an absolute star trying to help me keep them in check yesterday and today when I haven't been feeling too great, but for a couple of hours with me - eeek!

I wouldn't not be working for 11yrs!! By the time my youngest is 11, DS1 will be nearly 18

Sorry, I was thinking of a situation where a mum did not go to work until her oldest was 11 for the reasons you describe.

oh right - no I was just talking about childcare conundrums and financing for multiple children with the youngest just about to start school

It depends how far away your workplace is from your home as well.

I was perfectly happy for DD to go straight home from school partway through year 6 (there were after-school clubs but she felt too old for them) BUT my workplace is about 30 mins walk from where I live, so I knew if there was a serious problem I could be back in half an hour, or she could come to me.

If I was a train commute away, even a long tube journey, I would have felt differently, being dependent on public transport if I needed to get home in an emergency.

Plus of course it would have meant she was home alone for longer.

She does stay home alone in the holidays too, I would actually prefer to go out & about with friends like I did at her age, but none live near.

(meant to say I would prefer HER to go out & about with her friends )

My dd has done this she is 11 and in year 7 there in no childcare here for her age, she gets home about 4ish (2.30 on a Friday) and I get home anything from 4.30 to 6pm depending on where I am working from.

She has spent an odd half day alone to. She must ring me when she gets home so I know she is safe, we also have good neighbours and my DB and sil are nearby. She is fine with it and gets quite arsey if I come home too early as it means she gets kicked off the pc or Disney Channel.

Oh and she can cook stuff like eggy bread, beans on toast etc.

All day in teh school holidays is alone is harsh for an 11 year old. By the time you take Christmas out of your annual leave allowence there's maybe three weeks to take in school holidays; for the other eleven the child is alone.
I was a latch key kid from 9; but my mum was a teacher so early finishes and no school holidays. In them days school finished at 3.25, so I had maybe 30 minutes before my mum got home at 4.30pm. I did spend the odd school holiday day alone once I was at secondary school, and boy did those hours drag. And I was able to meet up with friends, or even go into town or swimming alone, none of which many 11 yo would be allowed to do now.
So possible, but harsh, although I take on board both HerBeatitude and dertitude's comments. Its a sad situation, and you'd have to equip them with the skills to amuse themselves, at home alone for hours on end :(

DS1 is 11, and I currently leave him for periods of up to an hour, so I can imagine that by the time he gets to senior school (next year) I would be OK to leave him for the day.

But he'd HATE it - he doesn't like to be on his own, and is a bit of a worrier.

I think things have changed these days but I remember when I was about 9 or 10 I had a key to the house and used to come home by myself from school until my mum came home. I didn't want to go to childminder anymore...But now I have kids and I might wait till 13 or so

mumsgotatum - I used to have a key and let myself in when I was 11 as well, but it was never during the school holidays.

I think I had the odd day/afternoon alone , but not as a regular "forced" occasion.

I think realistically I'd have 2 weeks AL to take in the school holidays, with 3 children the risk of having to take AL for sick children is pretty high I think

I think the difference is that when we were kids, if we had an accident because we were left home alone at the age of 11, the A&E dept gave us a bandage and a lollipop.

Now, Child Protection procedures would kick in. That is a massive consideration for parents nowadays, far more than it was even twenty years ago.