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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that a 11 year old can be left home alone

121 replies

popelle · 27/10/2010 18:53

AIBU to think a 11yo can be left home alone until their parent(s) come home from work on a regular occurance.

OP posts:
mamatomany · 27/10/2010 19:32

(Don't tell her about sampling alcohol, smoking, looking in the bottom of your parents' drawers etc, finding their stash of secrets....., she doesn't need to know)

That was the least of your worries Grin

A lot of what we got up to has been removed now by mobile phones ie parents not knowing where you are and why you aren't home yet.
One of mine will have to get the bus because I can't be in two places at once but I will be sat at home waiting for the key in the door by the time she gets back I hope.
What about after school activities though do they have to miss out on those because there's nobody to collect them :(

MollieO · 27/10/2010 19:33

I think there is a big difference between a NT child being alone at home and a SN one. The poster on the other thread was concerned about what they were supposed to do with their 11yr old SN child. Very different imo.

nortine · 27/10/2010 19:33

I think that its fine children have got to accept that everyone has to make certain sacrifices in the family in order for you to get by in life. Although not ideal, I don't think its bad or harmful to the child either and much better than being in a workless household.

MardyBra · 27/10/2010 19:33

DD is 11. Since she's started Yr7 I'm happy for her to be at home for about 1.5 hours max. For example, she'll let herself in while I take younger DS to a club.

Similar rules to above - no answering the door and call screens. She's quite a responsible 11yo though.

5Foot5 · 27/10/2010 19:34

Crikey Mssoul I applaud your approach in sitting down and having a discussion with your daughter about what to do in emergencies and so on. I do think your rules are a little over-cautious.

But no boiling kettles and sharp knives at 11! I can understand that at 8 or 9 but I would have thought the average 11yo had enough nous to make a cup of coffee and a sandwich with out disabling themselves.

Mssoul · 27/10/2010 19:36
Grin

I suppose it was a bit, but I was at work on the other side of a city so wouldn't be able to get hoe quickly.

She was allowed to do those things when we were home, and is now.

huddspur · 27/10/2010 19:37

Why can't a 11yo be left home alone all day in the summer holidays?Confused. They are more than capable of making their lunch etc

MaMoTTaT · 27/10/2010 19:45

well for starters I feel that 11yrs old is very young to be left to fend for yourself for 14 weeks of the year during the day. It's kind of restrictive being stuck in the house for 20 odd hours a week when the sun is shining (especially when you'll know that your younger siblings are at a child minder/holiday club having an awful lot more fun).

and I KNOW that they're capable of making lunch - DS1 made breakfast (porridge) lunch and dinner tonight.

Doesn't mean I'm automatically happy with the thought of leaving him stuck at home for all of the school holidays

But this is NOT going to stop me looking for work when DS3 starts school, it's not an "excuse" not to work. And I've never said it was.

ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 19:45

dunno really, maybe it is a bit sad to think of an 11 year old at home alone all day throughout the summer holidays. Seems a bit lonely to me

bigchris · 27/10/2010 19:49

Agree with zzzzen and matot - it's a long day to be on their own
sat on the xbox all day no doubt

GoreRenewed · 27/10/2010 19:53

Are we talking about after school only? I guess that would be OK.

bigchris · 27/10/2010 19:55

And school holidays orm
I think every night for three hours is too much
half an hour to an hour is ok

MaMoTTaT · 27/10/2010 19:57

Gore - no I wasn't talking about after school at all (though did say I would prefer if it wasn't all 5 days).

I was talking about school holidays. And just to make it absolutely clear I was not using it as an excuse not to work. I will look for work when DS3 starts school regardless of the number of hours that I end up having to leave DS1 at home on his own.

mathanxiety · 27/10/2010 20:01

After school for three hours (maximum imo) borderline ok, as long as there are rules about homework getting done or other activities like music practice, or chores to be accomplished, but not all day in the holidays.

beobelle · 27/10/2010 20:04

I was left on my own in the holidays from 10. I don't see the issue with it, it allows the mum to work in order to be able to provide for the child.

TheBolter · 27/10/2010 20:04

YANBU. I used to walk home and let myself in from the age of 9. By brother was always with me, he was 8.

1234ThumbScrew · 27/10/2010 20:09

Dd1 is 11 and I'm just going through the process of gradually letting go a little. I found her trip to school hard, 10 mins walk to bus stop, bus and then another 10 mins walk through shopping area. Now I'm ok with it and she's proved to be very responsible. I've left her at home for an hour a few times and last week for two and half hours. She was absolutely fine, it was me that was worried. I suspect it'll be a lot easier by the time dc number 3 is 11.

I don't think I'd be happy doing it everyday, but I am a little overprotective.

missmiss · 27/10/2010 20:18

My brother and I came home after school and let ourselves in to an empty house from the age of 8 and 10, respectively. It was fine: I used to eat golden syrup from the can! Was allowed to make tea, toast etc as well. We were left occasionally in the holidays too if my mum was really stuck, and that was also fine from a H&S point of view, although we did get bored and argue a lot.

MaMoTTaT · 27/10/2010 20:21

THIS IS NOT ABOUT AN HOUR OR TWO AFTER SCHOOL ITS ABOUT EVERY DAY DURING THE SCHOOL HOLIDAYS

huddspur · 27/10/2010 20:25

I still don't see the problem if I'm honest. The 11yo needs to realise that his/her mum needs to go out and work in order to feed, clothe him/her etc. If that means he is on his own in the house during the holidays then so be it.

poobumfartbollocks · 27/10/2010 20:25

I have 2 DC's at home. They are 12 and 8.

i would not be happy to leave DD1 aged 12 all day in the holidays.

I am happy for her to walk home from school and let herself into the house for an hour or two until I get home from uni which is a totally different kettle of fish IMHO

HerBeatitude · 27/10/2010 20:27

So do all those of you who think that all 11 year olds, regardless of maturity, can be left home alone every day for 3+ hours, think that lone parents with no child-care should be immune from prosecution if their children are injured when they are home alone while their parent is at work?

dertitude · 27/10/2010 20:28

I don't think it would harm the 11 yo to be left alone and any "damage" caused to them would be much less then seeing no-one in their family go out and work. This is how intergenerational worklessness begins.

ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 20:34

if we had better (cheap or free) provision for the school holidays, it would make a huge difference

MaMoTTaT · 27/10/2010 20:36

oh for christ sake - no-one has said (apart from those extrapolating from a misleading OP) said that it would stop them going out to work.

But I still don't think it's healthy for an 11yr old to be stuck at home for 20+hrs a week every day of the school holidays, seeing and speaking to no-one, especially when their siblings come home and tell them all about the fun stuff they've done at their holiday care.

I know I'd stir crazy stuck at home for that long during the week with no contact with the outside world

I'll do it if/when the time comes - but it won't be a happy decision on my behalf.

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