to wonder about these older children still in strollers...

[chaya5738]

OK, so I know I am totally setting myself up to be flamed for being judgmental but...

I am wondering what the deal is with all these almost adult-sized children in strollers. I see them everywhere. During my lunch break just now I went into a toy store and there was this boy who looked to be about seven - no physical or mental disabilites that impaired his ability to wander at an ok speed around the store - browsing with his mum. When it was time to leave the store she calls him over and he gets into a stroller and off they go. It was bizarre. And then a few days ago on the train a similar thing. A mother gets on with her daughter who looks about seven or eight. She then gets herself out of the stroller, jumps all over the seats, has a grand old time and then when the train stops at the next station she gets back in the stroller and off they go. And then I saw this over the weekend again as we walked along the river. This child who was almost as tall as me happily sitting back in a stroller while she was pushed along by her parents.

I don't remember being in a stroller at all when I was small so I must have stopped being in one quite young. I remember going on shopping outings with my mum and getting quite tired, and probably complaining a bit, but we'd just stopped for a cup of tea or my mother would walk a bit slower. I soon built up shopping stamina that sees me in good stead today.

Admittedly my DD is only 15 months old so I don't really have a good grounding for saying when children should stop being in strollers but I seem to be seeing quite old children with no physical disabilities being pushed around because, presumably, it is faster for their parents to do shopping that way. Is this true MNetters? And what does this say about the health and fitness of our children...

I reserve the right to come back and retract this post in three years time when DD is five and I can't get any shopping done without strapping her into a stroller.

Far better for an older child (say, 4) to sit in a buggy every now and then than to drive them everywhere so they never actually walk a sufficient distance to actually tire at all.

This reminds me of - some and by no means all - people waxing lyrical about how amazing slings are, but when you dig a little deeper they drive everywhere and never have to carry a week's shopping home.

I don't think i could get ds in a buggy (he is 4) if my life depended on it.

YABabitU my dd is 3.7, she hates clothes shopping and will run off or tantrum at every given moment, I have tried reigns and harnesses to no avail, its either run off and a Jamie Bulger type thing happen or have her in a stroller, which i much rather have of course. I am trying to get her endurance up to walk longer distances, but dd has been ill with an ear infection, cold and fever, so had to have her in a stroller,to go to the Drs or to the shops. There will come a time when I will have to ditch it as she is getting too tall for it. If she is well or not at the shops I make her walk.

I dont drive either, so dd has to walk and she is getting too heavy for the buggy.

DS1 was 5 in August and still uses a buggy reasonably often - 2 or 3 times a fortnight. He does have a Major, but it is a PITA with a smaller kid as well, so we use the Phil and Teds.

There is nothing physically wrong with him, apart from mild hypermobility that causes some mild fatigue and pain. I am quite sure I am judged, and judged often, but I don't give a shiney. It's probably the same people who also judge my parenting and find it wanting, what with ASD being caused by poor parenting and all. The ones who really piss me off are the ones who talk to him about it (OOoh, aren't you too big for a buggy? You are a lazy little boy, aren't you!") and then get irritated when he ignores them.

I can't imagine many NT kids agreeing to use a stroller after the age of about 4 - surely their peers would shame them?

DD is 3.6 and has social communication difficulties, and is quite young for her age so its easier to bundle her in a buggy at the shops. She hates TkMaxx like her dad and clothes shops in general, sounds very much like dh

I don't know about 3 and 4 year olds - depends how far you have to walk really.

However, I think a child who looks older probably has a disability.

Having said that, I can remember making a very similar judgement when DS was about 5 months old. I could see a child who looked about 5 jumping in and out of a light weight buggy and I thought the mother was mad, until my mother (a physio) politely put me right.

"no physical or mental disabilites that impaired his ability to wander at an ok speed around the store"

This is a snapshot and doesn't give you an idea of the big picture. Very few parents would be messing around with a buggy for an older child if they didn't really need it. Apart from anything else, they are probably aware that everyone is staring at them.

Some disabilites really arent obvious you know.....YABU.

Maybe they were recovering from illness or an operation???

I remember my DB getting a rheumatism-type thing after scarlet fever when he was anout 6 or 7.It only lasted a month or 2, but he was unable to walk for more than a few minutes.
YABU you just don't know!

Definitely agree with the comments about disabilities not being visible. I used to work with a child who used a buggy because of a lung condition, she could get out and walk around quite happily- but only for 5 minutes max by which time she'd be worn out. But if you'd seen her for the first couple of minutes you'd have thought she was fine.

Also, interesting points made about not having cars. I think it will be some time before my 2 year-old can do the 30 minute walk to the shops, walk around the shops and then back home. But if I could drive I'd already be leaving the buggy behind for most short trips of that kind.

My ds1 didnt use a buggy ater he was about 2.7....I wish he had tbh...much easier for me than constantly retracing my steps and taking 40 mins to do a 5 min walk!!!

ds2 (2.1) doesnt use his much either now....only if we are in town really, which is rare.

I try not to judge when I see older kids in buggies as they may not have physical disabilites but could be ADHD/Aspergers?autistic and be difficult to control or get very upset in a big unfamiliar place....could also be that its the only way their mum can do anything!!!

used to use a buggy for DS when in town at about 5 or 6 as it was safer than him running into road, when he was in shops he was safe to wander.I then went on to using a wrist strap until he was 9 school even used the wrist strap. Not all disabilities are visible or obvious.Even resorted to using it for dd2 when in nursery at 4 despite her being able to walk for miles as she went through bouts of horrendous growing pains.

yabu as how do you know there was no sn?
not all sn is visible

Nothing wrong with using buggy's. :)

My ds has literally just turned 6.
He is autistic
He wears age 8-9 clothing
He still doesn't sleep through the night
He is still in nappies
He has no sense of danger will run into roads, jump off high things/into ponds, freak out and run away from people, etc
He has two speeds - bullet out of a gun and snailtrail.
He holds extremely grown up and pompous conversations with me which often include correcting my grammar or reeling off facts and figures.
Last week I let him out of his Maclaren Major in the town centre and in literally under a minute he was up the main shopping street, round the corner out of sight and on his way to the disney shop.

As 2shoes points out not all SN are visible.

Because of judgemental people my son's pushchair (which we were given by NHS wheelchair services after DS was assessed by them) now has the following statement written on the footplate in bold:
Not all disabilities are visible

It doesn't stop all of the judgemental looks and snidey comments but it narrows down the number of them we enecounter on a daily basis.

YANBU if the child is healthy, but YABU if the child is not. My DS2 had a medical condition that made it painful to walk for more than about 5 min at a time, so was in a stroller until he was about 8, but to people just looking on I am sure he seemed perfectly healthy.

i used the Major buggy when ds was recovering from meningitis, and his recovery took 2 years. i had it on loan from the local hospital physio dept.

i do feel its horribly judgemental to base your assumptions on how the child looks to you DS also went on to be dx with a form of autism and co-ordination problems.

why cant people just live and let live if its doing no one any harm?

I've definitely been judgey about this (though never out loud). This thread has been really educational about hidden disabilities and I'm really grateful for that.

But to be fair, some parents are lazy and are doing it for an easy life! The buggy means you can still have your own agenda to some extent - as soon as they're out you have no choice but to fully involve your child with whatever you're doing. But that way they child gets so much more out of it.

DD refused to use the buggy from about 2 so I have frequently wished that she would just get in it, but she is so aware of her surroundings and road safety and I'm glad I had to spend so - much - time - walking - so -slowly! Of course now we have DS she is madly jealous of the buggy!

I'm not saying you can't interact well with a child in a buggy, far from it, but I have seen lots of 3/4 year olds in buggies being largely ignored. Lots aren't but some are and those ones are missing out IMO.

But I will think of this thread whenever I feel myself getting judgey in the future. How awful that some of you have had to justify yourselves like that.

thats part of the reson i traded ds major in for a wheelchair , as the major looked to like a buggy and was fed up havong to explain even at legoland once when they told me to leave outside a sbuggies were not allowed soon put him straight and explained yes ill leave outsid eif he will carry Ds

Oh ffs, if you don't have to push, what business is it of yours?

I know a 7yo boy who is completely NT and even athletically gifted.
But he has a rare bone growth problem discovered recently and must strictly limit weight-bearing activity for several years to come.
So he pops out of his wheelchair to move around the classroom, to go on the swings, use the changing rooms at swimming pool, etc.

You'd never know to look at him.

I am another one who occasionally let my completely non-disabled 5-7yos pop into the buggy... only seemed fair when 2-4yo siblings weighing about the same were allowed in the buggy... heck, when DS was 7-8yo & had a vomiting bug he often happily leapt into the buggy to get to school and back (many would report me to SS if I dared to leave him at home for the duration of the school run, instead) .

I would agree that there are cases of parents using buggys to suit their own agenda - in many cases the perfect parenting thing to do would be to leave the house half an hour earlier and let them get the exercise and explore every ant they see (my DCs were obsessed with ants; still are, and moss, do you have any idea how much moss and lichen you can see on a single London street? because I know).

But it is best practice not to judge parents of older children in buggys unless
a) you are absolutely 100% sure of the child's age and full medical history
b) you've never ever done any suboptimal parenting to suit your own convenience

You're right, of course I have done suboptimal parenting to suit my own convenience. I think it's one of those in principle v in reality things.

I REALLY do promise not to be so judgey in the future!

We both use wraps and slings, and almost never use the car. Typically we're (we both work part-time) out to park/playgroup at ten, then a long walk to nap, then zoo, and will pick up dinner stuff on the way home.

So yes, some people don't use prams, but also don't drive and manage to forage and carry enough food to eat!