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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at MIL

49 replies

Rosettaroo · 25/10/2010 11:32

I have a family wedding on a Thursday at the end of November, it is approx 200 miles from home. DS is not invited but my MIL promised she would have him for the afternoon, she only lives about 1 hour from the venue and we were popping him in on way down.She is a private part time further ed teacher, she has now rang us saying she changed one of her teaching sessions to a Thursday afternoon she did this in June and forgot she was having DS. I don't know what to do, all my friends work so I can hardly expect them to take a day off work.Have thought about a Mum at school I am friendly with but seems cheeky, My DH is going to ask her to reschedule her class and offer to pay any losses she incurs. She wanted to leave him with the manager of the centre, who I have never met while she teaches and got really annnoyed with me when I said I was not happy leaving him with someone I have never met. He is 9 years old and she has looked after him for two weekends in his entire life. He is her only granchild. If the wedding was on a Saturday I know either of his godparents would look after him. Whaddya think?

OP posts:

childrenofthecornsilk · 25/10/2010 11:34

she got annoyed with you did she? I wouldn't leave my ds with her at all after that.

GeekOfTheWeek · 25/10/2010 11:39

I wouldn't leave him with her at all.

Can he not go with you? If not and there really isn't anyone else to have him then I would leave him with dh and attend alone.

Katisha · 25/10/2010 11:39

I don't want to start the whole children at weddings thing, but would the happy couple be prepared to let your DS go the wedding as you have these problems? He's 9. He's hardly going to rampage.

Katisha · 25/10/2010 11:40

Sounds like your MIL is a dead loss as a grandparent - I wouldn't waste your energy on her.

fruitful · 25/10/2010 11:43

How long is her class? I was reading your post thinking your ds was about 2, and then got to the bit where you said he was 9. Can he not sit at the back of the class with a book?

zookeeper · 25/10/2010 11:45

I would let her leave him with the manager - sounds like it'll only be for an hour or so and he's nine but I expect I'll be in the minority

nomedoit · 25/10/2010 11:46

I think your family is the most unreasonable - not inviting a 9-year-old to a 'family' wedding. He's not going to have a tantrum, is he? Can you not ask them if he can come?

BuntyPenfold · 25/10/2010 11:46

Agree with fruitful, can't he take a quiet occupation along and sit in the classroom?

mrswoodentop · 25/10/2010 11:49

I wod have thought at none years old he would be OK left for an hour with a manager with a book or ds ,I have a nine year old and as long as I warned him he would cope Ok. He might not like it much but that's life
What about school though wl he be missing it?Another mum at school might be better from that point of veiw

MissDolittle · 25/10/2010 11:51

YANBU to be annoyed but there are solutions and she just forgot, she isn't trying to be difficult.

As he is 9 he could sit in the class with a quiet activity, be left with the manager or be left with a school friend. I wouldn't mind looking after a dcs friend so his parents could go to a wedding, I don't think its cheeky at all.

laweaselmys · 25/10/2010 11:51

I don't think it's unreasonable of her to suggest it. Can't he take a book or some other quiet toy? It won't be for very long.

(voice of regularly being left with receptionists experience)

fruitful · 25/10/2010 11:51

That's true, isn't it a school day? Is there an after-school club? Or can he go home with a friend (and you'll have the friend back another time)? I guess you'll be back late though.

diddl · 25/10/2010 11:54

It seems a genuine oversight on her part tbh.

As you say, you wouldn´t expect your friends to take time off work, so why should she?

FakePlasticTrees · 25/10/2010 11:56

Are you staying at the venue? Could you hire a babysitter for the afternoon and then granny come and pick him up after she's finished teaching?

Or pay for a babysitter at her house until she gets back from work?

atswimtwolengths · 25/10/2010 12:00

He's nine years old, not a baby!

What about letting him borrow a laptop and get him a DVD and some headphones and let him sit in the manager's office or at the back of her class and watch a DVD?

I thought you were talking about a baby, when yes, it wouldn't be fair on the child or the manager if the two had to spend time together.

But nine years old, for god's sake!!

And those who think he should have been invited to the wedding - why should he? Can't they have a wedding without children, if that's what they want? If they are restricted on numbers and it's your child or their own friend, why would they choose your son?

mazzystartled · 25/10/2010 12:00

Well it must be irritating but work is work.

I don't think being left with the manager (and a comic and some sweets), as a one-off, will overly traumatise him at age 9.

Can't he just go to school and have tea or a sleepover with a schoolfriend? We have other people's kids here all the time, we all LIKE it.

PaisleyPumpkin · 25/10/2010 12:04

How long is the teaching session when your DS would be waiting with the manager?

AScaryFuckingLemonadeDrinker · 25/10/2010 12:06

stop being precious and let her leave him with the manager. Whoever said dead loss grandparent, did you read the OP?? MIL has made a mistake, trying her best to sort it out for her DIL when infact it isn't even her responsibility too. My mum looked after DS then 2 1/2 when I was having DS2 and had to take him to work for the odd meeting and her staff looked after him. Not top notch childcare, no, they just let him scribble all over the whiteboards. What are you scared of? Presume the manager is also maybe some sort of teacher...? Not a rampant peado...?

Original poster

Rosettaroo · 25/10/2010 12:06

It is an over sight on her part, I must admit I am thinking not worth the hassle. I will ask if I can take him to the wedding. I will see about after school club and then the Mum I'm friends with having him, she is really nice and our kids play. I must admit I generally don't like to ask for help.

As she is self employed and my husband offered to pay her for any losses incurred and she has rescheduled classes before we thought this may be okay. Anyway thanks for the input from all. My husbands family are not good with kids, We have already had to take two days leave to attend and forked out 100 quid for a hotel.

OP posts:

AScaryFuckingLemonadeDrinker · 25/10/2010 12:07

to o

AScaryFuckingLemonadeDrinker · 25/10/2010 12:08

It's prob not about cost, she has to muck around her clients. Your DS will be fine.

atswimtwolengths · 25/10/2010 12:10

Please don't ask the bride/groom whether he can go. They don't want him to go, do they? They should be able to have the wedding they want.

What is wrong with your MIL taking your son to work?

PaisleyPumpkin · 25/10/2010 12:10

It's not just about costs incurred. I expect her students have that lesson timetabled now and they have a syllabus to keep to.

diddl · 25/10/2010 12:13

She has made a mistake & tried to fix it.

Why would you ask if he can go to the wedding rather than ask the mum of the child he is friends with?

ProfessorLaytonIsMyZombieSlave · 25/10/2010 12:13

Given that he's nine, rather than a toddler, I would be quite happy with his sitting with the manager while your MIL teaches her class.

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