To be annoyed at the smuggy smugness? why is childbirth such a competion?

[AddictedIsFeelingHappy]

i'm 38+3 weeks pregnant and am getting irrationally annoyed by every thing.

a friend of mine had her baby yesterday and on facebook (i know its the spawn of satan) her status is along the lines of

'baby x arrived weeighing 8lb 4oz in a birthing pool, i had no pain relief drugs, even with a very long labour. come on ladies we can do what nature intended'

now i'm already alittle annoyed because she was due the day before me and has already had her baby, and mine is still not here. (irrational i know!)
but why put that about the drugs? you dont get a medal for doing it all naturally and it doesnt make you a failure if you do need drugs.

gah now i'm all annoyed and wound up and cant sleep [hangry]

"GoreRenewed, hate to tell you this, but for every woman to give birth to a live baby is not what nature intended"

I was speaking to this primate specialist (cant remember the proper word) on safari and he was saying that humans are actually pretty badly designed to give birth, and it's only our intelligence that means we are very good amd diligent parents that has meant the species has done so well- i.e. we naturally lose more in birth than most other species but we compensate by lower infant mortality

click on 'comment' and write 'oh shut the fuck up you over smug cow, you gave birth withtout drugs, Now reserve you smugness fo 21 years and see if raise the child without fucking up once. bet you can't. Thats the difficult bit that's within your control. Congratulations by the way'

Ah Titty 0- of course holding your baby is the bestest moment ever. The bit before? A means to an end.. or in my case a miracle of modern medicine.
I wasn't talking about a birth resulting in a baby you were able to bf by the way.

It's odd as I saw child birth as just a means to an end,yet another thing to get through,another hurdle with possibilities of disappointment and tragedy to hold a much wanted baby.

My twins were the most ropey embryos(2 of 3 they shoved in as there was 0 hope)that had only just survived the defrost after having being frozen for a year. 7 years I bloody waited for them.

9 tortuous months later after a high risk twin pregnancy I got to the birth.

Now I could have posted a similar smug post to that in the op on my fertility clinic forum but obviously I didn't as like many people reading this smugsters facebook page the vast majority of people reading it wouldn't be enjoying the same.

Also I had nothing to feel smug about as it was luck.I was one of the lucky ones, yes I did everything poss to try and be one of the lucky ones but at the end of the day even though it was all medically assisted nature called most of the shots for me.

To be frank I don't even feel smug about getting through the fertility rollercoaster with my sanity intact as again we're all given different levels of ability to cope with things. It's not a level playing field.

I conceived dd myself 6 months later again I had no urge to proclaim my new found fertility from the rooftops for the same reasons.

If I manage to pull off raising 3 X happy, content,kind adults that I haven't screwed up along the way I may then allow myself a ting smidgen of smugness-in private. I certainly won't be proclaiming it on Facebook though.

Good luck with your labour OP. I hope it all goes well for you and your little one. You won't care when you have your little newborn in your arms.

Drugs or no drugs what does it matter as long as you are both healthy afterwards?

Well, nature intended us to get headaches and period pain, but I bet yer wan takes pain relief for those...

Why are people willing to drop a couple of paracetemol for niggling pain like that, and yet shun it for some of the most intense pain you're likely to experience?

I say this as someone who delivered a nine pound baby 11 weeks ago without so much as a nurofen - NOT because I didn't want it, but because there wasn't time!

You're not a better person for getting through it with no intervention.

I hardly ever get headaches and have never had period pain. Maybe this means I will have a painless labour

DuelingFanjo - are you now anticipating your first labour?
I really hope everything goes to plan for you but ever considered that... it won't? Back to back? Might need induction??
Just saying.

POMME a pretty shoddy thing to say though

pommedeterre

oh yes I am and I have. I am one of those very odd people who has researched births, watched videos, heard horror stories as well as great natural birth stories. I am 34 weeks and so far unafraid of labour (Much more scared of breastfeeding to be honest) as I figure the baby must come out some way and freaking out about something I know will involve some pain and effort is just not worth doing.

I hope to have a water birth at the MLU near where I live. They gave me the choice of Consultant led care or Midwife led care. I chose midwife led and so long as I don't have any complications between now and whenever the baby comes I am hoping that I will give birth without an epidural or pethadine. However I am prepared for the fact that I might need some kind of intervention, in which case I will be taken up to CLU.

Hopefully nothing will go wrong but I have no way of knowing either way.

so far in my circle of friends there has been one quick waterbirth (which was painful but also great so I am told), one quick hospital birth (on a bed - baby a week early), one difficult Forceps birth after transfering from MLU to CLU and one C-section after weeks of complications and weeks in hospital. All first births, all very different.

I am not blind to what can happen but I am as prepared as I can be.

And if it all goes wrong I'll make sure I come back and scare a few first time mums with my horrendous birth experience

But I would say that there's nothing to be scared of - like you say the baby will come out someway, somehow!
EvilAllenPoe - the point is though that EVERY birth from majorly medicalised to serene and painless (?) is amazing and brilliant and gives you a baby. That's why the OP is right to be annoyed with the facebook update - it's just one way of the someway, somehow methods of getting a baby out.

For me it's not about pain relief or no pain relief, it's about whether you get into the rhythm of labour. If you are able to do this, then you can have a pretty satisfying birth, on the whole. So I think women should concentrate on getting a good rhythm going, and every moment they notice they are doing this, they should be pleased with themselves and give themselves a bit of a pat on the back metaphorically. I think this does more to ensure mothers being happy with birth outcomes than any amount of fussing about anaelgesics.

Of course if hospitals were slightly less like dairy farms this would help too.

"That's why the OP is right to be annoyed with the facebook update - it's just one way of the someway, somehow methods of getting a baby out".

Well why doesn't she message the mum telling her she's a judgemental fool who has no right to feel proud of herself because it was all down to luck anyway that she had a good birth? She should - bring her down, humiliate her in front of everyone she knows and TEACH HER A LESSON.

Sheesh. It's like the Salem Witch trials.

I think there's a case for the OP saying that she was a bit upset by the post, though. That would be reasonable.

YANBU at all - it gets on my nerves this sort of behaviour- but unfortunately, you have to endure this sort of thing for the next 18 years of bring up your child. Competitive behaviour about food choices, education, whose baby learns to sit up un aided first and so on

Just to add to everyone's point about people dying in childbirth and intervention being not always a choice but a neccessity, it's worth pointing out that in countries like Bangladesh or Sierra Leone where many women have absolutely zero medical support, nature intends
a) the infant mortality rate to be about 25%
b) the mother mortality rate to be about 10-15%

So your mate is absolutely full of shit. But she has just had a baby and is filled with mind altering post-birth (natural) chemicals, bless her!

And like a PP said, very soon no-one cares HOW the baby came out.

To those of you had natural births, genuinely well done you I'm just very glad I wasn't a 3rd world country statistic.

tittybangbang - yep, that would B deeply U. But to my mind coming on MN and letting off a bit of steam about this fb lady is NBU.
Particularly not when you're 38+3 and days away from something you've never experienced before.

Ooh, that annoys me. YANBU

If I had refused all medical intervention for my first baby, I would have nothing but a grave to visit. What good is that? As it happens, I needed an crash CS as his heartbeat started decreasing rapidly, he was grey when born. But thanks to the wonderful, wonderful doctor and anaesthetist he is not a fit, strapping 9yo!

I meant, NOW a fit strapping 9yo!

Humble, messy business, parenthood.

OMG LeQueen
Father and house!

I was going to post that passing my driving test gave me more of a buzz than giving birth, because I was really crap and had to work incredibly hard to become a good driver, whereas giving birth kinda just happens regardless of what you do. Once it's in, it has to come out, so to speak.

But now that sounds trivial.

to be honest I find there are people who seem to permanently post smug FB updates, be it about childbirth or anything else

"X has just made scrummy lasagne for dinner"
(interpret as look how i make wonderful homecooked meals for my family)

"X is enjoying a wonderful day at the beach with her lovely DH and wonderful DCs"

"X wishes her DH a very happy wedding anniversary, 10 wonderful years, love you Darling"

yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk - like look at my perfect little life

i laughed when someone posted one of the "enjoying a wonderful afternoon in the sun with my beautiful children" and someone had posted underneath "no you r not you r on FB"

So YANBU, ridiculous status update.