to be pissed off that my sister thinks I'm a selfish careerist bitch while she polishes her SAHM halo?

[motovacuum]

The snide comments about self-sacrificing mothers (and the fact i'm not one) are never-ending.

I work 100-hour weeks on about 20K, as does my partner. I have done for the last 15 years. Sometimes we have to dress up in the course of our work, so we have some nice clothes. Mostly we wear jeans and jumpers. We do not get any help from our parents at all and haven't since we were at school.

My sister lives 5 minutes away from mummy, and she and her dear PFB are constantly being bought expensive designer label stuff by my parents - and house deposits, new cars, new computers, whatever she bloody wants. This afternoon it was two pairs of shoes each - the 2yo's shoes were over 100 pounds a pair, god only knows what my sister's ones were. Mum was delighted to have spent the money, Dad thought the shoes were lovely, etc etc. My sister's husband thinks it's great (possibly because he doesn't have to pay for his and his family's expensive tastes?)

I'm currently "home" (gritting my teeth in my parents' house) trying to get work done, while my sister comes round every five minutes to slag me off for being selfish, spoiling myself with nice things because apparently I think I deserve it because I don't work myself to the bone for my darling child (because I don't have children yet). I wore a nice coat to a meeting this afternoon, and had to listen to a tirade about it - and she got her PFB darling child to rub jam into it.

and yes, this is partly in response to the opposite-number thread currently in AIBU. What is in the minds of you people ?

Partly - is some of this true then or a thread about a thread?

you sound jealous TBH sorry.

I don't really see why it's an issue if you don't have kids?

be glad that you are standing on your own two feet, beholden to no-one

Sometimes gifts or handouts come with explicit or unspoken conditions

You work 100 hours a week for £20,000 per annum?????!!!!!!!!!!!

You must be mad. Change jobs immediately.

not sure what you mean - it's all true. And I was probably totally unjustifiably posting it in irritation about that other thread.

The difference between this and the other thread is i don't criticise my sister for being a SAHM living on handouts (not benefits, just mummy and daddy and hubby's cash). But she criticises the hell out of me for being childless and working hard.

oh thanks bonsoir. Maybe you'd like to take this up with UK research councils and tenured academics.

If she thinks you are working too hard for not enough money, she is absolutely right (based on the information you give).

Hey I have an idea. Tell her to take her £100 shows that someone else paid for and fuck right off and then fuck off some more.

Agree with Bonsoir. You are being exploited!

you work 15 hours a day for £20k ? you must be barking

No, I think you should rethink your priorities . It sounds to me as if your sister has your interests at heart.

and i doubt she deliberately got her child to rub jam into your coat, I'm afraid it's the nature of the beast with small children

blimey. What jobs do your parents do to be able to afford shoes for other people that cost £100?

Well, all you can do is rise above it -- it must be tough but there is literally nothing else you can do and you'll drive yourself mad if you continue to let it/her get under your skin.

You obviously find your work fulfilling and worthwhile; smile serenely and focus on that ...

That is crap 100 hours a week for £20,000 - your employer is taking the piss and you must be exhausted!

not sure about living on "hubby's cash" is a fair point but the rest of it does seem extreme. Is her problem that you haven't had a child yet?

How can she criticise you for a nice coat when her child wears £100 shoes?

It's a wind up..

re the comments on exploitation and priorities, it's the nature of the beast if you want to be an academic these days.

However I see very little necessity for my sister to criticise me for being selfish and careerist, while she "works" roughly similar hours caring for a spoilt toddler with a lot of help, a lot of "me" time, and an extremely large amount of money to smooth away every difficulty (like the toddler only have 9 pairs of handmade designer shoes this season).

Your sister sounds quite sorted, IMO - she's found herself a rich DH, parents helping out with her DCs. I expect she's worried that you are going to end up a pauper academic and very bitter...

getabloodygrip, take heed of your name maybe. Then look at the salaries on offer in the Times higher education supplement and find out about the hours scientists are expected to work.

It'd be bloody nice if it were a wind up.

Figures aren't adding up - £20,000 for 100 hours a week, toddlers shoes at £100? For that reason - I'm out.

This whole thread is weird. You clearly hate your sister and you're being stupidly exploited at work - I'm sure you could do something better paid if you chose to.

I want a link to the toddlers shoes. Over £100 a pair? They must be amazing!

The issue here is your parents buying your sister stuff and not you. You are jealous.

Doesn't sound like either of you need to get children involved in this, you're both behaving childishly enough.

It's up to your parents what they do with their cash.

It's your choice to work in a field with low relative pay.

It's your sister's choice to be a sahm.

Why don't you start working on trying to respect each others choices, and butt out of it if you don't like it? And talk to your sister about doing the same?

If that's the way you feel about your sister then I'm surprised she bothers about you at all to be honest. You're complaining that she makes judgements about your life choices, but that's exactly what you're doing to her and being quite nasty about it IMO.

are you planning on having children soon? and are you going to keep doing 100 hour weeks?