to be pissed off that my sister thinks I'm a selfish careerist bitch while she polishes her SAHM halo?

[motovacuum]

The snide comments about self-sacrificing mothers (and the fact i'm not one) are never-ending.

I work 100-hour weeks on about 20K, as does my partner. I have done for the last 15 years. Sometimes we have to dress up in the course of our work, so we have some nice clothes. Mostly we wear jeans and jumpers. We do not get any help from our parents at all and haven't since we were at school.

My sister lives 5 minutes away from mummy, and she and her dear PFB are constantly being bought expensive designer label stuff by my parents - and house deposits, new cars, new computers, whatever she bloody wants. This afternoon it was two pairs of shoes each - the 2yo's shoes were over 100 pounds a pair, god only knows what my sister's ones were. Mum was delighted to have spent the money, Dad thought the shoes were lovely, etc etc. My sister's husband thinks it's great (possibly because he doesn't have to pay for his and his family's expensive tastes?)

I'm currently "home" (gritting my teeth in my parents' house) trying to get work done, while my sister comes round every five minutes to slag me off for being selfish, spoiling myself with nice things because apparently I think I deserve it because I don't work myself to the bone for my darling child (because I don't have children yet). I wore a nice coat to a meeting this afternoon, and had to listen to a tirade about it - and she got her PFB darling child to rub jam into it.

and yes, this is partly in response to the opposite-number thread currently in AIBU. What is in the minds of you people ?

I know what research councils pay. You are talking bollocks if you are pretending to be a scientist.

You claim to have been doing this for 15 years. Even if we count 3 years of undergrad, 1 yar doing a Masters and 4 years doing a PhD (which is a long tiem and doesn't count as 'working' in the field') then that's still 7 years that you have allegedly been working at postdoc level or above and if they are paying you £20k then you are doing something wrong.

lukewarm - thanks, that is probably good advice. I was posting in anger, and that is never a good idea (was doing it to avoid busting out with irritation in real life).

Areyouafreudofthedark (good name btw), having kids would be very nice. and no, obviously 100 hour weeks don't mix with kids. but getting the work done while you are employed makes it more likely you will have employment options after a career break.

thanks Trillian. Given that we're at the same institution, take a look around yourself and think about other employers within the same system.

Its in response to this thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1065871-To-be-very-pissed-off-that-my-sister-thinks-that

I get the work hours, you're an academic, those kind of work hours are normal... But if you've been an academic for 15 years and still only earn 20K ummmmmm then I would definitely rethink my career choice.
Having said that you and your sister have both made your choices in life; you sound quite jealous and bitter that hers has turned out so well. Grandparents will always spend on their Grandchildren (even to extremes, like designer shoes).

Birdseye potato ROFLs.

You are working for not much over half of minimum wage. Either pack it in and get a job that pays a sensible rate or admit that you actually enjoy the work so much that you are prepared to be badly paid for it (another way to put it: you are being paid to follow your hobby).

These are your choices, that you should be happy to live by. What your sister does is her business. If you have to be angry at anyone it should be yourself, your employer and, maybe, your parents (in that order).

what jobs do your parents do?

This thread is bollocks.

to cupcakes for the genius birdseye potato ROFLS

made me laugh too GOML (the phrase, not the thread) - what about washing it down with some LMAOnade :)

It doesn't sounds like you have a great relationship with your sister, and I would try and sort the fundamental issues out if I were you.

It is relatively normal for a grandparent to want to lavish/spoil/pander to their first grandchild, in my experience. Sometimes it looks odd from the outside, but it's one of these natural things.

It's also natural to have a bit of a honeymoon period with your parent/daughter when they have their first child. Again, that is only my experience.

My parents certainly did this with my first, not with the others though, not at all - the novelty soon wore off!

I hope you sort this out soon....

Other employers? You were the one mentioning 'research councils' and 'academic' and 'scientist'. That brings it down to a pretty narrow range.

I agree with purits, after 15 years unless there is a significant raise in money and drop in hours coming up extremely soon you should either pack it in or accept that it is more of a hobby than a job and you do it because you enjoy it.

I'm just trying to picture the scenario of you sitting at home working while "sister comes round every five minutes to slag me off for being selfish, spoiling myself with nice things because apparently I think I deserve it because I don't work myself to the bone for my darling child".

8.30am, MV parental household.
Knock at the door.
Sister storms in.
"God you're so SELFISH. I can't believe you BOUGHT A THING recently."
Sister leaves.

8.35am, MV parental household.
Doorbell rings.
Sister storms in.
"You're not even doing all this work for a CHILD. You're so SELFISH."
Sister stomps out.

8.40am, MV parental household.
Sister bursts through door, spitting feathers.
"You selfish career bitch! Look at my child, why are you WORKING while children EXIST?"
Sister grabs child and leaves.

8.45am, MV parental household.
Door is left ajar, sister invites herself in.
"I see you're wearing clothes which you probably BOUGHT. I hope you realise you don't deserve them."
Sister marches out.

I just can't picture it TBH. You sure you're nnot exaggerating a little bit? Because otherwise she is completely and utterly unhinged and YANBU.

Well, I think both you and your sister should stop judging each other's choices and start being more concerned with your own life. If you're getting so jealous/upset (both of you) then IMO you feel that you made the wrong choice on some level.

Think about it from your sister's perspective - maybe she would actually like to be able to have a job, or as someone else said, all that support from your parents comes at a price and she feels beholden to them. Maybe she's jealous of your freedom.

I'm also with all the others re: pay. If you've been working for fifteen years and are doing 100 hour weeks for £20,000, you should maybe start looking into a career change, particularly if you're feeling upset/exploited (I would be). Does the 15 years include u'grad and all post grad study? Or actual working?

LMAOnade HAhahahah - genuinely laughing.

PMSL

PMSL...

OP - your sister is a wanker, you are a div, get ye to jeremy Kyle/Maury and SORT IT AAHT

Mackerel - you missed out the Jam Smearing Incident...

MV you need to explain that you have been working on a time machine for 15 years, because you have already been to a meeting this afternoon, and it's still morning, and that the jam on your coat is from the future

You'll make milllions, keep at it

[hgrin]

Oh gosh, so I did. The climactic finale of the motovacuum screenplay.

you know what OP I had a fair bit of sympathy with you RIGHT up until this comment

The difference between this and the other thread is i don't criticise my sister for being a SAHM living on handouts (not benefits, just mummy and daddy and hubby's cash). But she criticises the hell out of me for being childless and working hard. angry

~~~~~~

That I find very offencise a SAHM (of whom I am not one)  does NOT live on handouts from her husband.  If your parents want to spend money on their family that is their business you sound jealous there.

For your sisters child to smear jam over your coat is not ok nor is her making comments about what you chose to wear and how you chose to earn your money.

The two of you sound jealous insecure and like you are still  badgering for mummy and daddys attention.   

At some point you both will need to grow up.
Why dont you start by taking the route of  indifference if she makes comment smile serenely and  comment only that you work hard within your lifestyle choice and are not judging hers so please give you the same in return. If her  child rubs jam on your coat say firmly "NO" and then move the nice coat out of a place where Jam will be. and send her the dry cleaning bill if it happens again.

Pick your battles your parents you cant do anything about your sister you can if you belive in what you do to be right calmly  state "I am happy with my life please do not judge I do not judge your lifestyle choices".

I do agree 15 hours a day for 20K is  very little money I hope that you are working towards something bigger?

and I do think you owe SAHM's an appology for claiming they scrunge of their dh

Oh it's Ok... DollyTwat has just pointed out that it doesn't happen until this afternoon

If you work 100 hour weeks for 20k you are an idiot.