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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect my wine to be drunk?

121 replies

HannahHack · 20/10/2010 13:07

I have a very old friend (known since we were 3) and she has a long term DP who is lovely but a massive, massive snob. Particuarly about wine.
We eat at their's very often, as they prefer to cook than be cooked for (but that would be another thread).
I always bring a bottle, often two, as they are heavy drinkers and I want to contribute if they are cooking for me. However, I often bring some wine, it gets opened and poured out for me and DP. Then, my friend's DP brings out a bottle from his Wine Society case, opens it and drinks just that for the evening.
Am I being unreasonable to be offended by this? My DP is livid but says there is no point in trying to bring it up.

OP posts:

Lauriefairycake · 20/10/2010 14:01

Actually I do think if you can afford it you could bring better wine - his wine society stuff is only going to be £10-£15 a bottle.

obviously if they're serving you beans on toast then don't bother

but if they're serving a really good meal I would expect to take really good wine as a gift to the meal and not £5 stuff.

TubbyDuffs · 20/10/2010 14:01

I'd step away from the wine and take a nice after dinner treat such as chocolates or maybe a nice bottle of port instead.

I think he is rude, but if he doesn't like the wine that you drink its unfortunate, but I don't think he should have to drink it just to be polite. On the other hand, he should offer you his wine just out of common courtesy.

SandStorm · 20/10/2010 14:03

I wouldn't bother taking anything next time. Whatever you take, it probably won't be good enough for him.

StephanieSays · 20/10/2010 14:05

How hideously rude. Take him debretts book of etiquette next time you go.

Squitten · 20/10/2010 14:06

This hasn't got anything to do with the stupid wine! It's about curtesy to guests. You either drink what they have brought or accept it as a gift and pour everyone something of your own. Would be equally rude if they did this with a pudding, chocolates, anything!

Next time they ask you to bring wine, just say that you'd prefer to bring something else and if they ask why, tell them! If this woman is your long-term friend, don't see why you can't be honest really.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 20/10/2010 14:11

It does a seem a bit odd and snotty. My dad is a wine-lover, whereas my DH refuses to drink anything French, and screws his face up at really good wine- he just doesn't like it! When we get together, they make a joke of it. DH will say "What godawful hoity-toity crap have you brought this time?" and then make faces, while dad will slag off our £5 bottle and laugh. In France dad gave DH money for " a decent bottle of wine" for us all, and DH came home with a huge plastic barrel of paintstripper! But it was a source of entertainment!

What I'm saying is that, as others have rightly pointed out, some wine snobs only "like" wine they know to be expensive. My dad buys expensive wine, but has often been pleasantly surprised by some of our bargains. I don't think you should be under pressure to bring expensive wine, tbh. If he's going to be like that, I'd be happy to let him drink his "superior" tipple while I was drinking something that I knew I would enjoy. It's odd behaviour (from him), but I wouldn't let it offend you too much.

rubyrubyruby · 20/10/2010 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StephanieSays · 20/10/2010 14:12

Libra I HEAR YOU

Original poster

HannahHack · 20/10/2010 14:22

Thanks for your comments. Perhaps it is best to lay off the vino gifts for a while.
Someone mentioned if they did it with puddings etc then it would be as rude. Sad truth is they are just massive snobs. They are very confident and just really really trust their own judgement!
Also, thanks for the wine tips but just to clarify I do understand and enjoy wine. I just don't buy into the view that if it is French it is good, as I have tasted wines accross the world. It's sad they can't enjoy a wider variety of wines really.
Don't even get me started on rose!

OP posts:

Original poster

HannahHack · 20/10/2010 14:22

OP posts:

BigWelt · 20/10/2010 14:22

Don't worry about it. If he has to get wine from a wine society he is obviously cluesless about the stuff...

BTino · 20/10/2010 14:25

Well to be fair if I was invited to a friends for dinner on a regular basis I would try to buy them a wine they enjoy. For instance I don't drink white, but if I knew a friend did, then I would buy it. The gifts are meant to be for them after all, not for you.

It sounds as though they are very snobbish and don't want to change their tastes, but also that you are being stubborn on thinking that they should drink your wine that you know they don't like and share some of their more expensive wine with you.

They probably spend quite a lot on feeding you so if you can't offer something decent in return, then don't eat there so often.

Original poster

HannahHack · 20/10/2010 14:28

@BTino The point is they have never even tried it and I know they do this to other guests to. If I was bringing crap wine that 'I know they don't like' then fair enough.
However, I could bring Wine Soc stuff, and unless I told them where it was from they wouldn't even bother to try it.
@BigWelt Agreed! The fact of the matter is his 'tastes' are based on snob values not palate

OP posts:

BTino · 20/10/2010 14:30

Well then try these

Original poster

HannahHack · 20/10/2010 14:33

@BTino Brilliant! I'm going to stock up for Xmas.

OP posts:

juneybean · 20/10/2010 14:34

Take him some Lambrini.

TandB · 20/10/2010 14:35

Maybe they ask you to bring wine so he doesn't have to let you drink his nice expensive wine and can keep it all to himself!

oenophilia · 20/10/2010 14:39

Actually I think you might be making assumptions about the Wine Society. It's a co-op/mutual so doesn't set out to make profits. There are plenty of wines on its lists for under a fiver - many more under a tenner. Yes there are expensive ones too but that may not be what he's serving up. Doesn't stop him sounding like a prat, though.

MardyBra · 20/10/2010 14:40

We have the opposite problem with my father. Last Xmas we took some lovely bottles of French chateau (or equiv) wine to have with lunch and DF kept them and served up some crappy stuff he bought for a couple of Euros in a French supermarket. [hangry]

proudnscary · 20/10/2010 14:40

Invite them for dinner.

Serve dh, the wife and yourself Foie Gras, lobster, caviar and roasted pheasant.

Give him a plate of Spam and Supernoodles.

JFly · 20/10/2010 14:45

Libra, AMEN.

HeadlessPrinceBilly · 20/10/2010 14:48

BTino you don't know half as much as you think you do about wine. Its new world, not new age, and only people who don't know much about new world wines think them all inferior. Its mainly ungrounded snobbery that leads people to such remarks. And you can great deals on wine in supermarkets that is not up-priced before going on sale.

And there are some light reds that are intended to be chilled and taste excellent for it.

MardyBra · 20/10/2010 14:50

Headless - I was also thinking the new age thing was a mistake so I googled it and there is such a thing apparently.

Agree about the occasional light red needing to be slightly cooler (but not to the extent a white would).

JFly · 20/10/2010 14:51

I don't know, Headless, I like the sound of "New Age" wines. Maybe they have some really far out ideas about human consciousness and our place in the universe.

hobbgoblin · 20/10/2010 14:51

I expect my wine to make me drunk tbh but friend is still a nobber.

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