To tell my DD that NO WAy will she be dressing like that at school discos when she's 13?

[pointythings]

So DD (nearly 10) had a school disco last Friday at her new school. We walk up and ahead of us tehre's this group of 4 or 5 girls, probably Year 8s, wearing skirts not worthy of the name, 5-inch heels, buckets of slap, tiny tops, all looking at least 16-17 and not very expensive, as it were. So I told DD (wearing a lovely black velvet party dress with glitter in the fabric, down to mid-calf, and just the tiniest slick of lip gloss as a concession to growing up) that she was not ever going to be allowed to go out looking like that when she was 13, and preferably not when she was 18 either...
Another mum of a 13-yo overheard us and nearly died laughing - her DD was a sort of mini-emo, but very individual, much nicer and not an identikit slapper, as it were. I don't think DD particularly wants to emulate this particular 'style' but really - what are some people thinking? Or is this normal at that age? I can understand wanting to rebel and all that, but at least show some taste!

my mum and dad would never of let me dress like that, i'm guessing the parents either a) arent overly concerned that there children r dressing like this which is a bit worrying

or

b) they dont know, i.e they're round at a friends house or borrow clothes etc.

Its a shame really coz they prob think they look good when it'll be a few years before they realised they just looked like trash.

My DD age 13 5ft 10 and legs up to her armpits. Long blond hair.

She turned into a goth as she thought it would annoy DH.

I was so pleased black hair, black baggy shapeless clothes, you couldn't even tell she was a girl.

My 10yr old dd2 went to the local disco which is run by the local PCSO's and when she left my house, she has a very pretty party dress which was white with pink flowers and white sandles and her hair was in plaits, she was going with her friend who was 11yrs old, her friends dad took them to the disco.

When I picked her up she was wearing the shortest skirt I have ever seen, 3in high heeled shoes, and make-up that looked like it had been applied using a plasterers trowel, and her hair was all back-combed . Needless to say I was less than happy, when i spoke to the friends dad, he told me that is how is dd likes to dress and that there is no harm in it

Thankfully the girl moved away.

I also have a 17 year old Disney Princess fan. But for a couple of years her party outfit of choice was a corset, shorts and a tutu, with optional wings. My other dd who is almost 14 wears fairly ordinary clothes. She is more fake uggs and jeans, with an occasional short skirt/tights combo. (And a nod to britney with school uniform).

YANBU, I haven't seen this much myself round here, teens seem to be fully in to the whole uggs/boots and leggings thing. I did see one lovely girl who was about 15 walking down the road with very short shorts and tights etc, she was pulling at her clothes like mad and looked really self conscious .

Oh and a girl in town on a Saturday afternoon with thigh high pvc boots and a skimpy pvc mac thing (not much else). People were staring open mouthed as she walked past, no idea what possessed her.

YANBU, however, do not be too dogmatic about it. As Cat says, you will need to find some middle ground. If you don't, your daughter will go round to her friend's house and dress in the most inappropriately slapperish clothes she can find, partly because this is what she wants to wear and partly to piss you off.

A woman I know thinks it is normal for an 11 year old to have a "Boyfriend" who eshe goes on dates with...and for her DD to wear loads of makeup and tight clothes...she's a CHILD!

Good luck with telling your teenaged daughter what she's allowed to wear. It'll be a walk in the park, I guarantee.....

I used to just get ready at a friends when I was a teen, Looking back eurgh WTF was I thinking

Good luck. I agree.

You sound like my mother who sent me off to the school disco in a 'lovely party dress' at 11, when the other girls were starting to wear more sophisticated clothes. It was horrible being dressed like a little girl. I wouldn't want dd dressed like a slut either, but agree that there must be some middle ground. My mother was surprised and horrified when I started buying second hand, alternative clothes at around 14 - but it was obviously because she didn't enable me to fit in at an earlier age, when I wanted to.

As the mother of a tall and rather developed 11 year old, it actually all gets a bit difficult. None of the chain store childrens clothes fit although Debenhams do a good range for 11-16s which cuts a good balance between being up to date yet not ott. Apart from that there doesn't seem to be much other than Johnnie B or Jack Wills etc.. Think we're lucky because mine isn't very interested yet and has to be dragged around clothes shops shrugging her shoulders when offered the chance to chose what she wants.

Like Cat64 said - I think there's a balance to be found and the more outraged the parents the more outrageous the teenager.

DD1 is 11, so far lukily, she seems to have inherited the "jeans and baggy top" gene!

As onceamai's DD mine is very tall and it is very hard to find decent clothes for her.

I suggest you keep this thread somewhere safe for the nest 3 years. Then, after you come home from driving a car load of legs, hair, eyelashes and hormones to a disco, pour yourself a large gin and read it again! It will keep you amused until you have to go and pick them up again.

(Damn, forgot about the picking up. Ditch the gin!)

I also agree with the good luck in dressing them in what you want them to wear. As the long suffering mother of 2 teenage DDs I gave that one up a long time ago. Thankfully they both seem fairly prudish, and don't like showing too much leg/cleavage, but OMG I would need a hard hat and kevlar if I dared tell them what to wear when they are going out.

Velvet party dresses are not going to cut it for much longer. You might as well resign yourself to the fact that the next disco invite will be accompanied by protestations that she has nothing to wear.

I expect they looked a complete state, I hate to see young girls dressed like that. But, they are only children (so, know know better)and I expect you sounded snooty, judgemental and rude! I cant abide people who parent/comment on others so loudly that its clearly just so other people hear...

I just don't find it helps my parental authority to start ranting over the younger generation years before my dcs even get to that particular slot in time. My nearly 14yo seems to have found a fairly happy medium- but that is possibly because I put a lid on the ranting in the early days.

aggghh *know no better obv! I am typing half asleep from my pit with one eye open

Good luck to you when she turns 13.

I am so glad you are not my mother - velvet party dress with glitter on. I would buy that for a 5 year old not one that is 10.

It is all about middle ground and the more you try and stop her wearing stuff the more she will rebel.

Year 8's - I was out clubbing at 14 wearing very little and behaving disgracefully. I used to stay at a friends house and get read. her parents lived in Kuwait and she lived with her elder brother.

S if you're a MNer you were bloody good fun, and the only one brave enough to come out with me

When I was a teenager my parents let me wear whatever I liked. Mostly teeny tiny shorts, black tights, and doc martens. With the occasionally teeny tiny dress, socks and doc martens.

I turned out 'ok' and I hope to have the same attitude towards my DD. DH though seems to think along the same lines as the OP so the teenage years could be fun!!!

I like the 'probably year 8s' and 'looking about 16-17' in the OP.

If they truly looked 16-17 wouldn't you have said they were year 11s?

Do you mean they were dresses as if they were 16-17? And do you think you will let your DD dress like that when she is 16? It really doesn't sound like it.

To try to be very serious for a moment, I think you underestimate how parent-daughter relations change, and need to change, during the early teens, as they grow closer and closer to adulthood.

This does not mean that those of us with older children have totally abdicated parental authority or are helpless parents in any way. It is just that as children grow up, they need to practise decision making and finding out what person they want to be. Most of us find that clothes is a good area to start practising because it is relatively safe and it is a very personal choice.

When my 13yo needs new clothes, we discuss what she needs and how much it is likely to cost and then she sets off on the bus to buy those clothes. Yes, it is a big step from when she was 10- but only a tiny step compared to all the massive ones she is going to need to take before she is safe to live independently (possibly in a big city) at 18. Which really, from this perspective, is beginning to look like just round the corner.

Before that time, she needs to have grown into a person who makes her own choices. And who is also very aware of the choices I make and needs to have a reason to respect them. Personally, I choose to dress very dowdily- that's who I am. I am aware that this does not exactly shed glamour over my family, but I expect them to respect my personal choice in this matter. And if I want tolerance, I need to teach it.

This does not mean that I am tolerant in all areas. I am not prepared to accept drugs in this house, I am not prepared to accept law-breaking from anybody living under my roof, I do expect a certain level of helpfulness and good manners.