To hate the way my in-laws do the food part of Christmas?

[TattyDevine]

I know I am being unreasonable about what is a common difference of preferences so try and treat it as a lighthearted thread though feel free to tell me IABU because I am.

First: Disclaimer - I am very glad my Parents in law are alive and well and able to spend Christmas with us. Whilst I hate the way the food is done, I am "grateful" that they do it - well, sort of - we do it every second year and we make a better effort at appearing grateful than they do - we at least thank them for the meal and make appreciative sounds throughout. So if anyone says YABU for being ungrateful, fine, but it kinda goes both ways and yes, I would rather be at home doing my own food, I go there for the sake of my DH and children. That's what Christmas should be about - but it is also about the food for me that we do share together, as I love food and preparing food, but accept that others have different views on how it should be done. Accept - not like! Here goes...

I hate the way they dont get a standard normal turkey with legs and wings, but buy 2 turkey crowns, overcook them, having ripped the skin off when they are still raw, discarding it when they know I like it, and serve up mountains of shreds of overcooked sawdusty breast and nothing else simply because they prefer breast.

I hate the way they cook the brussels sprouts the night before (for at least half an hour - in fact, I think they might have put them on already!) and then reheat them in the microwave 5 minutes before the meal is served. They are a deep khaki green colour and smell like hangover farts.

I hate the way the gravy is watery and tastes more like marmite than anything else - due, mainly, to its high marmite content

I hate the way all the other vegetables are burnt to a crisp and then placed on a heated trolley thing 2 hours before the meal is served to stay warm, and I hate the way they turn to cardboard.

I hate the way the smoke alarm goes off every single time, about 30 minutes before they serve up. Get an oven timer. The smoke alarm is supposed to alert you to dangerously high levels of smoke. That's that grey stuff that is billowing out of the oven and making all our eyes stream, by the way.

I hate the way the only drink they put out is Asti Spumante even though we bring champagne and decent Sav Blanc etc which they hide away then hand back to us when we leave because they "dont drink". They dont - but if they dont drink, why not just let us drink what we want to drink? We do ask them for the stuff we bought but then they turn around and say "but we've already opened the Asti!". These days we try and time it so DH takes charge of the "drinks situation" quite a while before dinner is served (hell, by midday I'm gagging for something, ANYTHING) before anything else gets opened and he holds it back now and puts it outside so its cold, but we had to politey refuse the Asti completely one year so it got tipped down the sink to get to that stage as they are pretty stubborn...

I hate the way they hold back the pudding and make us eat biscuits instead after the lunch bit, because "everyone is too full for pudding", when in fact we are not too full for pudding, because we did not overeat, and see no real benefit in consuming the same amount of bulk and calories in biscuits only to eat pudding later when we are, in fact, not hungry.

I hate the way it is assumed that custard does not go lumpy if you dont stir it just because you have cooked it in a bain-marie. It does. You have to stir it to just under the boil whatever you cook it in. And is there anything wrong with a bit of brandy butter? Just because you dont like it? Why not put out the little pot of it we brought with us? It wont kill you from the other end of the table. Hell, let us get it, rather than fobbing us off with "cant' find it in the fridge" (its in the DOOOOOORRRRRR!)

Okay, that's it for me, unless I think of anything eles. I know its mean, but better out than in - I dont want to rant to my own mother or DH about it, because its mean and bitchy, but they are not on t'internet, and it feels good, gets it out of my system and I can turn up and be charming on the day. That's not such a bad thing, is it?

What would you change about the way your parents or parents in law prepare and serve Christmas Dinner?

well at least you get a meal cooked for you. I've just remember one year when we went to my Mums for Xmas. DS was only 3 months old. She handed me her present to me. It was a book. Written inside was a note say go to p73, where there was a recipe for turkey . She sat down and refused to move/help for the rest of the day. I wished I'd stayed at home.

My only gripe with the way ILs do Christmas is that it isn't EXACTLY the same as the way my Mum does it - and my Mum does thme best Christmas dinner.

Foreverastudent - lol at your Mum, I like her

I am not a fan of my MIL's cooking. There's never enough of it (eg half shoulder of lamb between 6 people then before I could have more than a scrap of it, she whisked it away so she could make shepherd's pie with 'the leftovers').

She makes this odd christmas pud with grated turnip and carrot in it.

She can at least roast a bird properly, but again only serves the meagrest portions. They did do goose last time we went - at my request - so not all bad but I had to go downstairs in the middle of the night and slice more bits off it for sustenance.

They never have all the nice snacky things you expect at Christmas - nuts and cheese straws and pate etc. etc.

Basically she cooks as though rationing was still going. I will not touch on the unidentifiable brown soup.

'well at least you get a meal cooked for you. I've just remember one year when we went to my Mums for Xmas. DS was only 3 months old. She handed me her present to me. It was a book. Written inside was a note say go to p73, where there was a recipe for turkey . She sat down and refused to move/help for the rest of the day. I wished I'd stayed at home. '

She's very lucky she doesn't have me for a daughter, because if she'd pulled that stunt on me and I couldn't find an open Chinese restaurant willing to delivery, I'd have left.

MIL and FIL have the tastebuds of corpses.

And they can't cook.

We do Xmas at home on our own because we have the convenient excuse that they're 90 miles away and DH always has to work one shift on Xmas and on Boxing Day. Aw.

Op- YA soo NBU! I am such a Christmas control freak, and I can't envision going anywhere other than my own house for Christmas dinner. Thankfully for me, MIL has no desire at all to cook (as this is the same woman who serves us dinner on side plates, and once put some beautiful fillet steaks in the oven for 45 mins, I am hugely relieved at this!) nor does she seem to want to attend our Christmas extravaganza, which does niggle me a bit, but her absence is no huge miss, tbh!

My childhood memories are of always having to go to my dad's mum for Christmas dinner. It was the same performance every year. The agreement was we would attend at 3, after visiting mum's mum where the rest of her family were gathered. When we arrived at mum's mum's house, at about 1.30, it was always to a message from other gran wondering when we were going to be there. She would phone at least twice while we were there, crying and saying that if we didn't go NOW dinner would be RUINED! When we eventually got to gran's, she would meet us on the stairs, half-cut and crying about how dinner was ruined and where had we been (at 2.55) Mum's lips used to get tighter and tighter all day, and halfway through the overcooked turkey (our, sorry MUM'S fault!) and the overcooked veg (ditto) I would be yearning to get home to play with my presents. Gran would pour huge whiskies for herself and mean little sherries for mum (which she knew mum hated!) all the while lamenting about the unfairness of dad driving and therefore being unable to "have a good drink!" Dessert was always a "Wall's Vendetta"- the height of class and sophistication. 6 hours later when it was finally over, she would weep and wail about how we were all leaving her, on her own. At Christmas.

This has prompted me to remember that a stressed and weepy host is not a great addition to the ambiance of Christmas dinner! For this reason, I do Beef wellington, which I can make the day before so that it needs 30 mins in the oven whenever people are ready for it. I also like the fact that a fillet of beef costs roughly £30 every day of the year, while a turkey is astronomically priced, just because it is Christmas. I do lots of courses, only invite people I genuinely like, and it's all very relaxed and boozy. I honestly can't imagine being forced to have a less perfect (to me!) Christmas, and would have to be dragged kicking and screaming from my own house on Christmas day!

Can you plead a mystery illness/ car trouble/ sick pet a few days before??

MIL is a nice woman, she really is. I think she means well.

But every time we go (thankfully not every year), I say 'could I have some dark meat, please and no mash?' and get a plate piled high with breast and mash. I also don't especially like carrots so would rather have sprouts and whatever other veg there is and leave the carrots for those who like them (even if it is all massively overcooked) but I am also apparently duty bound to have a massive portion of those.

I really don't understand why we can't just help ourselves to what we want. She gives DD (4) a plate piled high with carrots and sprouts every year. She's not a fussy child but she won't eat either of these things (she will eat cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, spinach, any veg you name apart from those and parsnips so genuinely not a fussy eater).

PAXO stuffing, every time. I really think Christmas is the one time of the year when it's nice (COMPULSORY) to make your own from scratch. With chestnuts and stuff, not just out of a packet and tasting of mixed herbs and breadcrumbs.

No cranberry sauce. No bread sauce. These are weird and possibly dangerous inventions. Chipolatas in bacon are always frazzled within an inch of their lives and almost unchewable.

Gravy made from granules. I offer to 'help' make the gravy every time but she won't have it.

Nobody is allowed not the have the hideous jelly with mandarin slices out of a tin, even if they only really want Christmas pudding.

Having to wait for presents until after (late) lunch at 5pm or so. I don't mind for myself as they usually give me something I didn't ask for and don't need or want but poor DD finds it nearly unbearable.

Sigh.

This thread's brilliant. :)

SO grateful that my Mum and MIL are sane, able to cook and always have loads of booze in the house. [hic]

Actually, I can't fault my in-laws on the booze front. There's always chilled dry nice white wine, lots of red, whisky macs for after dinner and sherry or gin and tonic before. It does make the rest easier to bear.

I am aiming for 10 people for Christmas dinner this year. First time we have enough space. And I cook the best christmas dinner around! I'd prefer to feed loads of people for christmas day than go somewhere else.

Take a bottle or two of Baileys. Apparently it is alcohol free, and enjoyed by 2 aunties of dh who don't drink. By the third sherry glass of it you go into a daze, my FIL refills on the hour...My MIL does grey sprouts, and can deep fry turkey next day. She also fries Christmas pudding next day.

Oh no, I fry christmas pudding the next day - in butter with perhaps a little brandy ... very nice!
Am I your MIL?
I don't deep fry cooked turkey or boil sprouts until they are grey, only until al dente - but I love "hideous jelly with mandarin slices out of a tin" - the Monday supper treat of my childhood.
I can offer you the daring cheese board of my PILs - cheddar, cream cheese and edam and the pint of custard no one ever touches.

I now cook every year, and my parents and MIL come to me (FIL, sadly, died a few years ago).

We have a large rib roast of beef, plenty for everyone, and plenty to spare for leftovers for all three gps, and us to have at least two extra meals. Dad pays for the beef, about £45, and nothing goes to waste, even make stock from the bones and save the dripping/fat.

All food cooked from scratch on the day, but I have a good plan and a double oven, so things work out really well. Sometimes I make braised red cabbage to go with the beef, again from scratch, but this gets cooked a couple of days before and chilled, it seems to develop a better taste.

We have plenty of booze on hand. As I drive a lot, I don't often get a drink in the normal run of things, so let myself get a little sloshed once a year at christmas.

Loving this thread. I am lucky in that my mum does a great Xmas dinner and the outlaws (am not married nor indeed in a couple with DS dad hence his family are 'outlaws') are nice and hospitable too.
But reading about everyone else's horrors is great

WishSomeoneElseWouldCook1Time I think I can beat you on not ever having eaten a meal in my MIL's house. 41 years. We always took turns at my house, my mother, then sister in law and her mum but never at my MIL. She didn't have room. TBH I got sick of the whole thing and we just go out to a nice restaurant.

Foreverastudent

If she wanted to abdicate resonsibility, why not just say at the beginning of December that she's not doing it this year and let the rest of the family sort it out between themselves. To spring it on you on the day is just mean. I'd have gone home and hoped to find an open takeaway along the way I think.

It's not the cooking with us, it's the number of warring factions. DS has 7 grandparents, one of whom also does childcare for us 1 day a week.

We also have 8 family birthdays between 23 & 27 December. We basically spend Xmas on the motorway.

If the food was shit I would throw my toys out of the prank, but I married into a family of chefs, and my sets of parents are food-literate too, so we fuel the travelling by stuffing our faces.

I'd love to have a giant family Xmas but the peace talks surrounding our wedding and DS's 1st birthday party caused my hair to go grey, so it's the annual road/guilt trip for us again this year. Ho hum.

OP, do you want to borrow my sister's boyfriend to have a word with your ILs? He is French and fantastically rude in a very charming way. He'd have a bloody field day.

A couple of years ago I 'drained' the gravy my mil had made thinking it was the water the chestnuts were in!! I think she has forgiven me.

All your stories make me glad the worst I have to put up with is that mil gives the leg meat to my dh and me the breast, even though I hate white meat and my dh brown. We are the real jack sprat and his wife duo :)

If someone gave me mash and I didn't want it I'd just leave it and if she moans say "I did ask for no mash".
Why can't you refuse to eat the orange jelly?
If I don't like something (which is rare) I don't eat it.
I'd probably try and get in and supervise the dishing out and use "getting the kids' portions right" as an excuse.
My inlaws excellent at putting veg etc in large bowls on the table.

My Ex FIL would cook 5 roasts really badly. Ex MIL would over cook the veg and serve them straight from the pot without draining them first. 5 different colours of sawdust with watery soggy veg (Flora optional). No gravy, squash to drink and Vienetta for desert. The twice that I did go to them, I made sure I was back at my parent's in time for real dinner.
This year, up to my DP's. I will bring the ham. hmmmmmm ham.

Tatty, you have my sympathies.

"I would so love to have christmas at home, i have been married for 22 years and every year we have gone to MIL"

I got sick to the back teeth of Christmas at the houses of assorted relatives when I was twelve or so, especially being patronised by my cousins who unlike everyone else couldn't see their parents' messy divorce coming so spent a lot of time telling me about how much money their daddy had (all the the more to spend on his several mistresses, as it turned out). So my brother and I put our feet down and said that Christmas would be celebrated at home. My parents were secretly relieved, used us as an alibi and we were all much the happier for it.

I have a similar policy now: Christmas is here, and if anyone from our families cares to join us, they are entirely welcome. But I am not spending Christmas eating other people's cooking, sleeping on other people's sofas or tolerating other people's shit taste in television. My house, my food, my bed. My brother has a similar policy, which is fine, as we don't want to spend Christmas together anyway, and assorted parents and other relatives waft between us.

YANBU. My PIL arent nearly so bad and food is reasonably edible but not the way ~Id do it. Somehow at Chriustmas its worse as you only do it once a year. Youd like it to be special. OP you have my sympathy.

My PIL are also fans of the cooking veg for aeons. Then they do this insane thing where the food is prepared, left to go cold, then served up and everyone does a queue for the 2 microwaves so that it can be reheated. They tip bisto gravy granulated gloop over everything. Also my MIL has some kind of wierd obsession with fusing at least 2 meals if not 5 into one . So an example of Christmas dinner could be a whole turkey, plus a turkey leg (for extra dark meat WTF!!) plus loin of pork and a side of beef roasted, plus veg, plus roasted tatas, sausages, stuffing, yorkshire pud, the ubiquitous bisto, then at least 6 desserts - christmas pud, fruit pavloa, chocolate dessert, maybe an apple pie - are we getting the picture? A LOT of food - for how many? Well last year there were 4 of us at Christmas dinner plus frail grnadma who doesnt eat much and her carer. BIL was admittedly ill and we werent sure if his GF was coming or not so technically MIL can say she thought she was cooking for 6 but still thats a lot of roasted meat/ dessert!!! (I forgot - there were 2 Christmas cakes, a fruit 'floral arrangement' plus cheese and biccies to finsh off anyone who had not eatinbg their own weight - lovely thast she lays on all the trimmings and then some but seriously - its sad to see so much food get chucked because she thinks shes doing Christmas dinner for 20... )

And breathe - Oh I could rant for Britain about my ILs and food.... grrrr!

Well I'm "doing" Christmas properly for the first time this year. I think it's an acknowledgement from my parents that finally, at the age of 34, I will be considered a grown up.

I've printed out the OP to help me.

Gaelicsheep, hey I am 45 and have never cooked Xmas dinner. THe secret is: always live in a very small house...